Can we talk? Yes?
No, I didn’t mean you, Rory. God. Shut up, Rory. The grown-ups are talking.
Listen, show, I’m a big fan. I think I’m a pretty typical fan, which means I am insanely overinvested in these characters’ lives, evidenced by the time my TiVo cut off the last 30 seconds of the season finale when Lorelai proposed to Luke and I screamed at the top of my lungs and called Diana while hyperventilating and seriously had to be talked off a fucking ledge, and then my family staged an intervention and anyway, I AM NOT THE ONE ON TRIAL HERE.
Anyway, I feel like I’ve put up with a lot from you. I’ve forgiven a lot. I’ve forgiven you for the horrible character assasination you pulled on Luke, even though it still stings to watch him be such an asshole with a shirt of flannel.
I’ve forgiven you for the long-lost daughter storyline and for the criminally scant amount of male shirtlessness you’ve provided over the years, despite being on the WB. I’ve forgiven you for what you let CuteDean do to his hair. It’s taken a long time, but I’ve even forgiven you for Jess, the character who has now gone on to ruin Heroes for me.
I can forgive you for dressing Lauren Graham the way you do right now, which is to say, Not Good And Raising Suspicions Of Pregnancy Every Episode. I can forgive you for getting poor Lane pregnant on her wedding night and for this season’s total lack of Sebastian Bach. I can forgive you for not having Paris and Michel in every episode, and for not giving them their own spin-off where they drive around in a van solving mysteries while making fun of people.
I can forgive you for putting Lorelai and Christopher back together. I can forgive you for thinking we’d all just FORGET what a ginormous dicky asshole Christopher has always been.
I can forgive the continued presence of Logan. I can forgive the fact that in all the years I’ve been watching, Rory has never been back-handed across the face, or gotten knocked up or otherwise had anything really bad happen to her, the preshus little princess that she is, other than that whole ridiculous “Logan’s dad was meeeeeean to me so I’m gonna drop out of Yale and steal a boat” storyline, during which you still fucking gave her a $13,000 purse, which utterly proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you don’t get me. RORY NEEDS TO SHUT UP. AND THEN GET HERPES.
But dudes. Did you really have to go and insult Snakes on a Plane in last night’s episode? Because, man. That hurts. That hurts me deep.
