I was a kid in the 80s and for whatever reason, professional wrestling was really big at my elementary school. Not wanting to be totally left out of every conversation at the lunch table, I attempted to watch those Main Event shows that features the superstars of the day, Hulk Hogan and…uh…the other one…and those guys. Roddy Piper. And that guy Cyndi Lauper was friends with.
Anyway, I obviously couldn't get that into it. The whole high theatrics of the, erm, sport just seemed unnecessary since actual professional sports are overly dramatic as it is. And Hulk Hogan just creeped me out. The hair and the mustache and the tan and the aggro…I really didn't get the appeal. So I'm sure you can imagine how hard my eyes rolled back in my head when he became a reality TV star and his freakishly blonde offspring started making records and doing unspeakable things to jeans.
Of course, the halcyon days of Hogan Knows Best couldn't last forever. Hogan and his wife, Linda, divorced after 24 years of seemingly blissful marriage and son Nick slammed his car into a tree causing horrible injuries to his passenger, John Graziano, who is in a permanent vegetative state. Hogan was sued following that crash and, newly single, became That Creepy Guy by helping his 19-year-old daughter by slathering sunscreen on her butt and then dating her friends.
With all of that going down, it's probably a good thing that we haven't heard too much from them recently. And I'm shocked and surprised to read that Papa Hogan, or at least his manager or publicist, is actually making some good decisions surrounding his entertainment ventures and his public image, avoiding ventures that, yes, would make him money but would sort of reinforce that whole batshit insane vibe he's been rocking as of late.
I'm referring to a little blurb in this interview on PopEater. Interviewer Mike Hess* asked Hogan, "If [VH1] asked, would you do a 'Rock of Love' type dating show?" Hogan responds, "They already have. I passed on it. That's not my deal brother. It'd
have to be 'Hulk Hogan: 55 and Still Alive on Viagra' or something."
While I have to pause on the decision to force me to think of Hulk Hogan on Viagra, I'm just amazed that someone realized that something THAT tacky would actually be better left undone, instead of embracing the spectacle.
Also, the inevitable evolution of such a venture would lead us to some abomination along the lines of "Hulk of Love Bus," but maybe by that time the economy will be in even worse shape, buses will be outside the budget, and it'll be some shit like, "Hulk Fondles Chicks While Driving a Golf Cart," or "Hulk and Boobies and Bumper Cars." And, seriously, hasn't the world suffered enough?
Despite that excellent judgment, Hulk still had to throw a dig toward the victim of Nick's crash, saying, "Nick is regrouping and has moved to Los Angeles and is going to
different acting schools and working with a couple companies doing his
internship, and getting back in the groove and trying to shake off this
lynch mob media assault that's chased him around for a year." Look, dude, I will be the first to yell that the media focuses on shit that doesn't really matter, following the "if it bleeds, it leads," credo of "journalism," but quit acting like Nick is the victim here. John Graziano will never get well and that is Nick's fault. Was it a mistake? Sure. Should the media back off and let both families heal? Absolutely. But just say THAT. Quit with this, "Oh, poor Nick. That John character was a jerk anyway," bull.
Related posts: Hulk Hogan's Son in Crash, Hulk Hogan's Wife Files for Divorce, Victim's Family Releases Video, Memo to Hogan Family: Phone Conversations in Jail Are Recorded, Hulk Hooked Up with Daughter's Friend, Brooke Hogan "Freaked Out" About Mom's Boyfriend, Hogan's Sued for Nick's Crash, Dear Brooke Hogan, Shut Yer Piehole, Note to Hogans: This Here Is How It's Done, Laying the Smack Down on Wrestlemania 23, Brooke Hogan Says Folks Are Fine