Nancy is very pregnant now and honestly I'm kind of surprised. I thought for sure that Nancy would abort or miscarry. But here she is. Esteban thumbs through a baby names book and laughs at suggestions like Humphrey. When Nancy gets out of the shower, Esteban hands her a jewelry and blandly says, "I decided we would get married." Nancy replies not with the ecstatic squealing that one might expect from such a romantic proposal, but instead with, "Huh. This is not really how I pictured this going down." Esteban explains that the ring is a precious family heirloom and leaves the room. Nancy opens the box to find a somewhat hideous and masculine ring with a big purple stone. She goes into the bedroom where Esteban is lounging, naked, on the bed and grinning. Nancy laughs and Esteban explains that it's the championship ring of a soccer team that he owns. Oh, Esteban, you ol' card! Nancy climbs into bed and asks if he's really asking her. He says yes and rubs her belly, then places a huge diamond ring on her. "Give yourself to me. Be mine forever. Mrs. Esteban Reyes." Nancy says yes. It would be a wildly romantic moment if their whole relationship weren't so terrifying.
At Silas and Doug's shop, the cop who extorts them is loitering and asks for a huge bowl of their finest product. Silas tries to refuse because he doesn't have a prescription but the cop notes that he's not really in a position to refuse. A customer walks in and rethinks his visit when he sees the cop there. The cop asks Silas to smoke with him and when Silas turns him down, the cop says that he's hurt. Also, Silas' payments have been light, which could be a serious problem. The cop points his gun sideways at Silas, gangster-style, and calls him a bitch-ass bitch before leaving. Silas looks both aggravated and frightened.
Nancy attempts to slyly break the news of her engagement to Shane but he says that Esteban already told him about it and he's cool with it. Ignacio wanders in and grins at Nancy and she realizes that she was the last to find out that she was marrying Esteban, which is…crappy. Actually she's the next to last, as Shane points out: Esteban hasn't told Andy. Ignacio and Shane depart for school and as they make their way to the car, Ignacio scoffs at Shane's Spanish lessons and teaches him some phrase about an icepick that one would use in formal crime settings. Shane asks if they can ditch. Ignacio thinks about it for a second then says, "We don't need no stinkin' school!"
Back in California, Andy has grown a beard that would make Jesus and ZZ Top jealous. He is heavily involved with Ms. Pac Man. As he explains to Silas, "She gets me." Silas asks if he should be worried about both of them, pointing out that Andy is cracking up and the cop is making Silas crack up. He also asks about the money that Andy got, and Andy gestures toward the room full of video games and other crap. Plus, there's the General Lee car from Dukes of Hazzard in the garage. Celia is currently unsuccessfully trying to sneak around General Lee without setting off the horn. She's headed to work and is apparently now gainfully employed at a Foot Locker-type establishment. Celia stops at a bathroom where Isabel is spraying aerosol tan on Doug. "Why do I have to do this again?" she asks. Doug explains that it's because she's the only person who will definitely not get turned on by this activity. Celia asks for a ride because she's wearing ridiculously high heels. Isabel points out that she should just wear sneakers but Celia protests, saying that they are the shoes of her corporate oppressors. Isabel informs Celia that she'll have to take the bus.
Andy is still playing Ms. Pac Man and ignores a call from Nancy. But Nancy busts in and continues to leave a voicemail for him. She explains that she misses him and that she's doing the best that she can. She also informs him that she's marrying Esteban and she was counting on Andy to make a joke about in-laws and outlaws and a fajita bar at the wedding. She leaves and Andy's shoulders sag as he says, "Fuck."
Doug is dressed in a suit and asks Silas if his spray tan looks even. It doesn't. In fact, it looks terrible and about two steps down from being blackface. Doug explains that he's attempting to look like his new idol, George Hamilton, who Doug insists is a genius because he doesn't live anywhere, just stays with rich friends. Silas brings up the problem of their light payments to the cop and Doug says of course they're light because no one wants to buy in front of a cop so they're not making any money. Doug tries to apply his new philosophy: what would George Hamilton do? Because anyone who sleeps with his stepmother at age 12 can clearly do anything
Ignacio and Shane spend their day of hooky by going to a driving range and beeping the horn, pissing off the golfers. Shane giggles that this is fun and Ignacio says that he'll show him some real fun. He runs up to one golfer who had the balls to give him the finger and starts beating him with a golf club, much to Shane's horror.
Nancy visits Guillermo in jail and explains that she is not the dead puta whore that Guillermo pegged her as. Guillermo muses that Nancy is like the cat he had when he was a kid. Every time he threw her off the porch, she landed on her feet. Until one day he threw her from the roof and she went splat. Good story! Nancy tells him about how Esteban, over her daily breakfast of brioche, told her that he would do anything for her, even kill for her. Guillermo guesses that Nancy had Esteban kill Roy Till and says that maybe there will no longer be glass between them. Nancy hisses that he's not going anywhere and leaves.
The next morning, Ignacio asks Shane what fun things he wants to do that day, but Shane runs away, terrified.
Celia tries to run to catch the bus but misses because of her shoes. A lady in a car that has a huge "You're Pretty" decal on the side pulls up to the light. Celia watches her put on lipstick and practically drools with envy. The lady drives off but comes back after a few seconds and tells Celia that she loves her shoes. "My work is in casual but my heart is in couture," she says. The lady empathizes and tells Celia to hop in, leading me to believe that Celia will now get roped in to some pseudo-Mary Kay pyramid scheme.
Doug, using the power of George Hamilton, kicks the cop out of their store. The cop says that he's making a big mistake. "Know what else is big? My dick!" shouts Doug. He punches the cop who lands very hard. I can't tell if he's dead or just badly injured, but Silas shouts, "What would George Hamilton do now, Doug? Put on a Zorro mask and fuck him?" Well, that's certainly one route he could take.
Nancy is snoozing on the patio at Esteban's house. Esteban wakes her up and she explains that she meant to go for a walk but didn't make it very far. He reassures her that she won't be pregnant for much longer, but she notes that she'll then be a new mommy…again. And be married again. She asks Esteban what Mrs. Esteban Reyes does and if she'll kill Nancy Botwin. Esteban asks her why she always thinks someone is going to kill her and I mean…Nancy has some pretty good reasons for her paranoia. He says that the name is just a name and she should keep hers. Nancy is pleased. "I'm still going to brand you, of course," says Esteban, probably only half-joking. He leaves to go to his fencing lesson.
Andy appears once Esteban's lesson is over and explains that he was looking for Nancy. He chats with Esteban and says that he has no formal fencing training but was the Light Sabre Battle Champ from 1979 to 1982. He swings the foil around making the iconic light sabre noises. Esteban asks about the strange noises that he's making. "Is that not how you do it in Mexico
?" Esteban coolly says that he'll show Andy how they do it in Mexico. They fence and Nancy walks in on this bizarre scene and asks what's going on. "Andy's giving us his blessings," says Esteban. Andy and Nancy meet later in the kitchen and he gives her this backhanded blessing then says that when Esteban eventually dies and she's once, twice, three times a widow, he won't come by. He'll just send a note.
Later, a woman charges in past Nancy and starts yelling at Esteban in Spanish. My Spanish is very poor, but I do hear "la gringa" a few times, so I gather that this conversation is about Nancy. As she leaves, she gives Nancy a pretty serious stinkeye. "What the fuck was that?" Nancy asks. I'm really quite annoyed that Nancy has been living with Esteban for six months and dealing with Mexican drug lords for years AND had a Spanish-speaking maid for who knows how long and still can't speak Spanish. Is that even physically possible? Is it also physically possible for a pregnant woman to retain the same bra size as Nancy has done? But those aren't her biggest problems right now. Esteban, clearly shaken, says that they can't get married. Things have changed.