Fine, it wasn’t really “A New Hope”, but it did have an Obi-Wan/Yoda type hero. This episode was full of stars and this post is full of spoilers so if last night’s Top Chef is unwatched on your DVR you might want to wait until tomorrow to read this.
Vivre Las Vegas, bitches.
The high stakes Quickfire was high stakes indeed.
The winner received immunity and a special prize to be revealed later and the loser had to go home. That’s right, you heard me. Tom Colicchio was not fucking around this week. For the Quickfire the chefs all went to Daniel Boulud’s Brasserie and Daniel himself made them all cook something where the main protein was snails.
*shudder*
Listen, I’m a foodie and I am happy to eat a lot of weird shit. I have eaten my share of escargot, but it just makes me uncomfortable. There – I said it. Snails are creepy and you all know it.
To make a long story short, Kevin won. Kevin is kind of a badass. Henceforth in this Episode IV recap Kevin will be the Luke and Mike the Douche will be Jar Jar Binks. Kevin won the outstanding prizes of 1) immunity and 2) he didn’t have to cook a damn thing. He got to eat with judges.
THEN! Then it got good. The bottom three in the Quickfire had to re-compete. Ashley, Jesse and Robin were given 20 minutes to make an amuse bouche. One bite to save your life. It was awesome.
Robin made an avocado soup with crab (don’t get me started), Ashley made foie gras dish and Jesse made a tuna tartare with a quail egg on it (the only thing that actually looked like one bite) and Jesse ended up getting booted. I felt sad, but she had it coming. She has been on the bottom pretty much every time.
But then they showed Jesse feeling sorry for herself – again – and I stopped being sad for her.
On to the Elimination Challenge: It was a team challenge. Everyone drew knives. They either got a traditional French protein (rabbit, chateaubriand, lobster, trout etc) or a traditional French sauce (veloute, a poive, Bearnaise) and then they paired up accordingly.
The judges for the Elimination Challenge were some of the best French Chefs in the world. The world. The judging required a translator. It was hard core: Hubert Keller, Daniel Boulud, Laurent Tourondel, Jean Joho and Chef of the Century Joel fucking Robuchon (who may or not have been played by Anthony Hopkins).
CHEF OF THE CENTURY!
I wasn’t sure if I was going to call him Obi-Wan, Yoda or Mace Windu because there is no doubt that he is one bad motherfucker.
Tom Colicchio was nervous to eat with him.
So Robin and Ron made some over cooked frogs legs and a salad that I cannot believe they weren’t sent home for. They slipped through the cracks.
My bekerchiefed friend Mattin paired up with Ashley (who just let him run the show because he was French) made sauteed poussin and ravioli with sauce veloute and green asparagus. Mattin put bacon in the veloute which sounded awesome to me, but the judges said the bacon flavor was overpowering.
Mattin gets to be C3PO.
Jennifer and Michael V. were the team to beat. With Kevin sitting with the judges I say these are the two strongest individual chefs in the kitchen, and they worked together as if they had been doing so for years. They made this amazing looking rabbit chasseur with mustard noodle and shiso.
Hector and Ash were hosed when their Chateaubriand took far too long to come up to temperature.
Eli and Laurine made lobster, sauce Americaine with cauliflower puree and it looked great, but apparently the lobster was overcooked.
Last, but not least the Bryan and Jar Jar Binks made a warm cured trout with a deconstructed bearnaise. The whole thing was outstanding – even Robuchon used the word “perfect” (or his translator said he did, I don’t know, I don’t speak French). The whole recipe was Bryan’s and everyone’s favorite douche, Mike, tried to take credit for it during the judges table.
And they all got to cook in Joel Robuchon’s kitchen. True story.
Quick end result, because I am beginning to bore myself and plus I have twelve minutes to deadline and I still need to spellcheck – Hector went home, and I am sad because I liked him, but he kept screwing up the red meat and Bryan won the prize. The prize was training on Dagobah cooking in Joel Robuchon’s Las Vegas restaurant for a week.
To me it sounds like work, but the other chefs all looked like they were going to die of envy so I guess it is pretty cool. After all, Eli said that he thought Robuchon might be a unicorn and we all know how awesome unicorns are.
ps – When Michael V. said that a chef cooking for Joel Robuchon was like a singer singing for the Beatles he was mistaken. Singing in front of Ringo Starr would be laid back, it would be like singing in front of Luciano Pavarotti or someone like Pavarotti but more alive.
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