We've always thought of Hollywood as a magical land of make-believe, where dreams come to life and anything that can be imagined can be made real on the screen. But in a stunning new twist that seems to defy the generally acknowledged laws of the space-time continuum, Mel Gibson has suddenly and miraculously gone back in time and stopped himself from driving drunk.
As MamaPop's Jodifur reported only a week ago, onetime idol of millions Gibson has been seeking to have his DUI expunged from the legal record, as is apparently the right of first-time DUI convictees who manage to make their way successfully through court-ordered meetings and public service. On Tuesday, that wish was granted by a California judge.
Reports by major news outlets failed to mention if the judge simultaneously chose to grant other wishes, as well — such as those for ponies, true love, and to become a fish.
In any case, perhaps just as important as the legal ramifications of this decision – which, quite frankly, are almost certainly dull – is the reality-warping implication that Gibson's decision to get behind the wheel and buzz through Malibu at 87mph with an open bottle of tequila in his hand before finally being pulled over by police, whereupon he blew a .12 blood alcohol content (for those keeping track, that'd be 50% over the legal limit of .08)… NO LONGER EVER HAPPENED.
So Mel – can we call you Mel? – let MamaPop be the first to congratulate you on doing the responsible thing by not putting the lives of others at risk on that August night in 2006 when you decided to begin experimenting with agave products. Good work!
At the same time, however, it appears that the California judicial process is limited to the extent that they cannot undue the anti-Semitic rant that Gibson unleashed at his arresting officer (his claims of "The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world… are you a Jew?" echoing his father's repeated and well-publicized claims that the Holocaust was "mostly fiction"), nor his still-disputed reference to a female sergeant at the police station in particularly vivid and sugary terms.
According to unidentified NASA sources, Gibson's rant "wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over southern California."
Good luck appealing that.
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