Here is one of the stupidest and most unnecessary descriptors I have ever heard attributed to sneakers: bridal. BRIDAL SNEAKERS.
The Lovely Bride carries these for when you want your feet to look like a pair of specialized cakes at a party for nurses.
The one pictured below kind of makes me long for disco dancing. It's a pity that I don't even own one lamé jumpsuit to go with those babies.
I admit that the market driving the whole crazy bridal industrial complex defies my comprehension. Alarmingly often, traditional North American weddings tend to look like some kind of frou-frou purity ball in which the center of attention, the bride, tries her best to mimic a wedding cake. Or is the cake meant to mimic the bride? Or are they both cake?
One thing is certain, though. Both are consumed in the end and come out anew on the other side. One turns to post-wedding poo, and the other is reborn missing a goodly chunk of her previous legal claim to personal sovereignty.
At any rate, why not throw in a pair of 160-dollar sneakers to go with that 6000-dollar dress?
And don't think that The Lovely Bride left out the bridesmaids:
Okay, I'll admit it, I'm kind of partial to these in a crazy-cat-lady, I-think-it's-funny-to-amuse-the-neighbours kind of way, but I think seeing half a wedding party sporting these puppies while grumbling about having had to spend 125 bucks apiece on them would be a bit too much.
I'm not against comfortable footwear at a wedding. Lord knows my dogs were barking at my own little ritualized slice of pair-bonding, but there are better comfortable shoes that can be worn with wedding attire than pearlescent and faux-suede sneakers with rubber lacy shapes stamped on the sides of their elevator soles. Just sayin'.
In case, like me, mocking bad footwear satisfies some piece of your dark, little soul, check out "10 Hideous Attacks On Decent Footwear Everywhere from the 2009/2010 Fashion Seasons".
The world can be a very scary place, children. Be wary. Be wise.
. . . . .
Schmutzie wishes that she'd had a Go-Go to officiate at her wedding.
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