Reality television stars, listen up. If you utter any of the following phrases anymore, I may have to hurt you or someone you love:
#1 "I'm Not Here To Make Friends." This is probably the most overused cliché in the history of reality television. There's even a video compilation of reality stars uttering that exact phrase and variations.
As hilarious as that video is, you reality stars have got to stop saying that. You sound like douches, because what you really mean is, "because I want to win, I have no obligation to be a decent person and a good sport."
#2 "I Came Here To Win." This phrase is often used in tandem with #1, but can also be a stand-alone. Often it's a variation such as, "I didn't come this far to go home now." It's a competition. This may shock you, but you're not the only person who came there to win. I would wager a guess that virtually all of your competitors came there hoping and intending to win.
#3 "We're Gonna Be Friends For Life"/"We're Best Friends"/"I Love You Like a Brother/Sister…" The latter of which is usually uttered right before they vote their brother off the island. You people are full of shit. You're not best friends—you've known each other for a matter of weeks and when it comes down to you and your BFF, you will shove your bosum buddy's face in the dirt without batting an eyelash. Don't front.
#4 "The Competition Gets Tougher Every Week!" Yeah, funny that! It's because of a thing called statistics. As more and more people are eliminated, the odds of you winning decrease.
#5 The "Thrown Under the Bus" Metaphor. I can't remember the first time I heard this one on reality television, but now it's the go-to phrase anytime anyone is talking about one person sabotaging another or making them take the fall. There are so many other metaphors for sabotage—be original! Try changing it up with something like, "Prithi really handed Laureen the anvil at Judge's Table."I declare that the only acceptable use of the "thrown under the bus" phrase on reality television for the forseeable future shall be if VH1 does another Rock of Love Bus. And the use of "thrown under the bus" in those instances should not be metaphorical.
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