So a couple things happened last week: Anthony won, Anna lost, and a whole buttload of decoy collections showed up at Bryant Park. According to Tim Gunn and other assorted Speak-For-The-Show Types, every currently non-eliminated contestant would present a collection, thus making it impossible for us photo-slideshow gawkers at home to spoil the final three for ourselves or others.
Maya. She did not present a collection, though she herself was present at the show, according to the Project Rungay boys, who met and kissed-kissed with her prior to the show before stopping to think: HEY. WAIT.
The Speak-For-The-Show Types have not offered an explanation, and it seems Maya is not allowed to do interviews either. So either Lifetime sucks at math and calendars and Maya goes home tonight….or some other wildly delicious drama goes down between tonight and when the designers are tasked with creating their decoys. (Which…is not exactly a bad deal: you're no longer in the running for the money and the HP-Bluefly-whatevers, but you still get a collection shown and photographed and written about at Bryant Park.) Or maybe they were ALL decoys and Maya already won some second secret collection-off that will debut later and oh eff this, my head hurts now.
Okay. I shall now un-pause my TiVo and commence with the actual recapping. ONWARD.
Somebody sleeps cuddled up with a stuffed lamb. It's one of the shirtless white guys with black fingernail polish. I'm sorry that doesn't really narrow it down much for you.
Sethrey Allen swaddles himself in his comforter and howls for coffee. We have so much in common all of a sudden!
Janeane is upset about her bottom-three performance last week, mourning her missed opportunity to impress the editor-in-chief of MAREEEEEEE Claire. Emilio sleepily announces his intention to play it safe this time, while Jesse is like, um? Have you ever watched this show?
They assemble before Heidi, who brings out their models. Who are a bunch of little skinny girls. As usual, except with the added twist of being ACTUAL CHILDREN. And like, crazy adorable. Just…GAH. A couple of them forget the designer's name they were supposed to announce and some of them have lisps and I picture either of my little boys up there and am consumed with visions of on-cue farts and a lot of dinosaur impressions. Sigh.
Surprise! Jonathan hates children. Amy is excited because she loves "mini-clothes." Anthony reminds us that his clothes "celebrate the female form." Which is a problem, as these girls "ain't got no booties or breasts." Thanks for pointing that out, dude.
The designers have until midnight and a budget of $50, AND they will not be meeting with the girls until the next day, so no design consultation or chance to ask the girls about colors, what they like, etc.
Sethrey runs the gauntlet at Mood, frantically searching for black-checkered cotton. Emilio gets pink and comments on how much black fabric there is, despite the little-girl clients. Amy thinks pink is cliche and Jay talks for a bit about today's Average Fashion Forward Four-Year-Old. This is very true. Today my four-year-old wore denim Osh Kosh overalls, a shirt with a fire truck on it, and a pair of scuffed-up velcro Pumas. He's such a fucking hipster, you guys.
Mila is feeling a bit introspective. She admits that she didn't exactly get along with people at first (cut to her RIDICULOUS "top twoooooooo" backstage crowing that went over like a lead balloon) but is now more "centered" or whatever and is making friends. Mila! She's here to make friends! And color-block dresses! Week after week after week.
Emilio is making a fluffy pink party dress that I admit I would have LOOOOOVVVVVED as a little girly girl. And my mom, too. I actually had something really similar that — I have no idea why — had a small bell sewn into the layers of the skirt that jingled when I skipped. Oh God, how I loved that dress. I wore it to the grocery store with little white gloves from a ballet costume and my Strawberry Shortcake rain boots. I kind of wish I still had those boots.
Sethrey has an 11-year-old daughter and therefore knows what ALL LITTLE GIRLS want. (It's punk-rock hoodies, in case you need to buy a birthday gift or something.)
Mila wonders about the chances of a surprise twist. Which…of course there is a twist, because we saw it in the damn episode preview Lifetime showed 30 seconds before tonight's episode started: they need to create a corresponding, re-imagined look for their model. Emilio eyes his pink doll-baby cupcake dress warily.
(Oh, and there was some interstitial thing with Janeane crying because she misses her husband.)
They all challenge Anthony to see how long he can go without talking. 14 minutes, 56 seconds. It's all very wacky and jovial and I wonder what the figure skaters are wearing tonight GAH.
Jonathan's look will be an "attention-grabber." Janeane is on the verge of tears because Tim thought her coral-and-black color scheme looked like Halloween. ("AND I HATE HALLOWEEN!" she wails.) Amy is taking a risk by possibly making cut-out-petal clown-pants but Tim is thrilled that she's taking that risk because it's better than playing it safe dun dun CUT TO EMILIO duuuuun.
Sethrey claimed that his daughter had "200 handbags" at "this age" and Tim is too nice to say, "OH, NO SHE DID NOT." Tim loves both of his looks, though, and is "supremely wowed" with everyone in general.
The models and little girls arrive! Yay! And…we don't really see much of them. Boo!
Emilio is in full-on winner-or-loser edit, as he's running out of fabric. Janeane is too, as she tearfully hopes to just make it through this one. Emilio thinks Jonathan's mother dress is way over-designed, while Jonathan kind of evilly reveals that his "strategy" was to play it safe and coast riiiiight up until about NOW. He's pulling out the "big tricks for the judges."
First impression is that…there's not much that I immediately intensely hate. When does that ever happen? I'm sure I'll change my mind after a second viewing and work up into some frothy hatred by the time I'm downloading screencaps.
Top three: Jay, Sethrey, and Jesse.
Lowest scores: Jonathan, Amy, and Janeane.
(All that Emilio editing for naught! I actually really liked his looks, though I could see why the judges would ignore two old-fashioned-like dresses. And Maya skates through, so the Bryant Park Mystery of the Missing Designer remains unsolved.)
Jesse's French schoogirl design concept is great, but the finishing/tailoring is actually a bit messy and cheap-looking up close. Also weird: That's the same belt that Ben used in his design just last week. I understand the accessories are meant to get used over and over again, but between the belt and the black fabric cut-outs there's some unnervingly similar about this design overall. Heidi is unsure about the assymmetrical thing on the little girl's dress, as I am, though without it this look would have been strictly American Girls catalog.
Jay: Solid. The plum color looked much more vibrant on TV so it didn't seem quite so dark. The little girl's pants are a gray pinstripe, which I dig.
Sethrey's little girl likes her outfit, especially "the purse." She holds it up and even Nina freaking dies a little inside, because oh my God, it's off-the-charts cute. He is BY FAR not my favorite personality this season, but the man can design the sew the hell out of a jacket, that is for damn sure. He's our winner.
The judges start ripping into Janeane's design before realizing the little girls might be taking the criticisms of the outfits personally and dial it back, praising their performances on the runway. Janeane's childrenswear outfit is boring and plain, her model's jacket is terrible and the whole things gets summed up as "cheap mall wear." I cannot disagree, even as the owner of plenty of cheap mall wear myself.
HA HA HA HA HA HA. HAAA. HEE hee. Snort. Sorry. Was just staring at that dress for a minute, trying to decide if it most resembles toilet paper like the judges said, or perhaps a can of whipped vanilla frosting. With bits of toilet paper stuck to it. Honestly, that thing would make more sense on Cakewrecks than the runway. As for the little girl's outfit…every time I saw it in the workroom I kept hoping he'd lose that stupid bolero. The dress is fine without it. If he could have come up with a companion look that included more of that nice black detail, he probably could have skated through in the middle. But nooooo. Mr. Big-Tricks-For-The-Judges had to send out a Deconstructed Cotton Ball From Space instead.
So apparently we're at that point in the season where I start developing Stockholm Syndrome around these lunatics, because my first impression of this outfit was that it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I mean, you knew it was going to be BAD, but at least she's not wearing a basket on her head, right? RIGHT? But really, this is indeed, really bad. I get what she was going for on the child's outfit (and I think the colors kinda work) but there's too many things going on and too many frayed edges. The other thing…please. She looks like a half-plucked turkey.
But Amy has a win under her belt and this is Jonathan's first time before the judges, so…
Janeane is out. She cries.