The world's okay, but it would be so much better if we had seven to nine year old girls bootie dancing in lingerie to Beyonce's Single Ladies.
The parents say it's totally innocent and the girls love it. That the girls actually learned the routine from "Alvin and The Chipmunks" and it's not provocative at all. I'll let you be the judge.
I remember being seven. I loved breaking the shit out of things. My favorite things to do were things I wasn't supposed to be doing. Jamming my face with chocolate chip cookies 15 minutes before dinner, sneaking into my sister's room and playing with her hamster (maybe accidentally killing it – sorry, sis). In fact, pretty much anything I was asked not to do was my favorite thing to do. I loved it, basically.
Is this really okay? Seven year old girls in lingerie dancing to "if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it"? What is it? Her almost naked, gyrating body? It. Vagina? Bootay? Seems it is a pretty objectifying term to describe a woman or anything on her, but that's not the point. This song is about a grown woman from a 3 year relationship who is telling her old man not to be mad about her new man wanting it. That's fine and it's a very nice song. I only mention it in this case because SEVEN TO NINE YEAR OLD GIRLS ARE DANCING MOSTLY NAKED TO IT.
I got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips
and we tated up in my Dereon jeans
acting up, drink in my cup
I could care less what you think
I need no permission, did I mention
Don’t pay him any attention
Cuz you had your turn
But now you gonna learn
What it really feels to miss me
So, elementary schoolers, what have we learned today? Well, you can give it up for only so long without a shiny rock, for one. Number two, if your man doesn't give you the commitment you desire, some people might judge you when you go to the club, get smashed and grind your hips on a new man who wants your it. Don't be surprised if your old boyfriend shows up and gets jealous. Fuck that guy. He had his chance. Drink your drink and apologize to no one. Make him jealous. Make him pay.
It's a catchy tune. And I think we can all agree that he should have put a ring on it, especially if he liked it. But the message of this song is overwhelmingly canceled out by the imagery and we forget the fact that maybe this isn't a song that little girls should be listening to (though I won't go as far to make a case for that), much less dancing in LINGE-FUCKING-RIE to. The funny thing is here, these girls could have been dancing to "My Little Pony's Love Magical Wind Song" and I would have been equally disturbed by this.
What is wrong with these people? Why on earth would you want little girl looking like a backup dancer in a Beyonce' video? You people are insane. I'd like to hit you in the elbow with something heavy and brass. Right in the funny bone. You'll be like, "Ow! What the fuck was that all about?! Why did you hit me on the elbow?" To confuse you. It will hurt really bad and it's a total mind-fuck. Then I'd wrap your forearms in duct tape and pee on them. I have a whole carnival of weird and annoying pain on tap for you.
The exercise would be to give you an experience that would teach you a lesson about parading your little girl in front of the world like a scorned Victoria's Secret model. You probably love your child, you're just not smart. That's not a crime, just unfortunate for them that you're the ones making decisions on their behalf. Or are you?
Little girls should be Wii bowling and playing with anatomically non-existent dolls. They should be coloring and making macaroni art that sucks and is awesome. They should not be on a stage impersonating provocative, adult dancers to a song about a vengeful party girl shaking her ass and telling her old boyfriend that a new man will be getting it. And you, the parents, should not let this happen, regardless of whether or not your little girls love to do it. If everyone parented that way, kids would be flying off rooftops everywhere.
"Little Johnny loves flying. That's why we let him do it, officer. Don't worry, we've got a whole jug of paste for him to eat later. He loves paste. It firms up the bones. Then we're going to Google the bad words he heard today with safe search mode turned off. He heard a fifth grader say 'blow job' today. Looks like someone's going to have some splainin' to do tonight, ehh? Am I right? *elbow nudge*"
MayoPie writes nonsense all of the time on his blog.
