Holy frijoles, whip out your bleach bottles and sponges and tackle that bathroom shower now, because MOLD IS YOUR ENEMY. This is not a joke, this is red alert, people. Mold kills.
The Los Angeles County Department of Health has taken over the investigation into the deaths of actress Brittany Murphy and her husband Simon Monjack. The youngish couple died five months apart in the same house in Los Angeles. The cause of death in both cases was found to be pneumonia and anemia. The LA County Department of Health knows that mold can be a contributing factor in respiratory illnesses, because it had turned up in the investigation into Brittany Murphy’s death, but was found to be irrelevant. Then, Simon Monjack died and mold came up again in the investigation. Clearly mold had it out for the Murphy-Monjack household.
It was a more than a little weird that Brittany Murphy and Simon Monjack were felled in almost exactly the same way within months of each other. Surely there were conspiracy theorists with a lot of time on their hands trying to come up with a theory as to why two healthy-ish Hollywood D-listers would mysteriously die in almost identical conditions in almost identical locations with almost identical causes of death. There is probably an E! True Hollywood story already in production. But did any of these conspiracy theorists ever pick up a microscope and start looking for mold? Probably not. Because mold is not glamorous or pretty or even that interesting. It is merely a serial killer. A silent sociopath who takes the down best-ish and the brightest-ish and even tried to take out Kirk a.k.a. Bachelor Number Four from ABC’s The Bachelorette. Maybe Corey Haim’s death should be re-opened, too, eh? Mold clearly has it out for young-ish Hollywood.
However this investigation turns out, let it be known: Mold is an asshole.
