• MamaPop
  • MoxieBird

Going All Mel Gibson On Mel Gibson Is Totally Mel Gibson

07/19/2010 By

The lowest point of my relationship with Jenna was a night back in 2001 when I came home, late and drunk, and our screaming at each other escalated into her slapping me in the face four times. I grabbed her slapping arm, pinned her to the wall by the neck with my forearm (hard, harder than was necessary to merely subdue her), and told her she better chill the fuck out or I’d fuck her up, etc. I asked her if she was finished slapping me. She said yes. I let her go and she nearly knocked me out with a steel toed boot that she threw at my head. That happened once. Most of the time, though, we just laugh our heads off.

I know what you’re thinking. I should’ve left Jenna for hitting me and you wish the rest of Jenna’s life was ruined and you hope she rots in hell for eternity. Oh wait. You weren’t thinking that? Weird.

Well, nevermind. That’s not even my point (even though it’s a good one). My point is that I’m glad my marriage isn’t defined by it’s lowest point. I’m glad that my whole life isn’t defined by its lowest point. And I’m glad your life isn’t defined by the worst thing you ever did. Because that would suck. It wouldn’t be fair.

What’s the worst thing you ever did? No. I mean the thing you’ve never told anyone. Yeah. That one. Now. What I want you to do is imagine that moment of your worst nastiness as your definition. Can you imagine? Stop. Really imagine it. Your worst moment. That’s who you are. You got it? Sucks, doesn’t it? And that’s just in your head. Now flash it around the world with the blinding speed of the gossip media. There. Now you’re Mel Gibson.

mel gibson 726x1024 Going All Mel Gibson On Mel Gibson Is Totally Mel Gibson

Relax. I’ll get to the tapes.

But first, Popular Opinion, could we at least acknowledge that a major chunk of Mel Gibson’s monstrosity is alleged? In spite of our desire and tendency to leap to conclusions that destroy people, we don’t really know what happened in the Gibson crib on January 6th. Just a little bit of Googling will turn up stories about there being no external or internal soft tissue damage in or around Oksana Grigorieva’s mouth, which doesn’t shore up with being punched in the face. Other stories say she was punched in the face. Or the temple. From what I can gather, she can’t make up her mind about where she was punched. The bottom line is that she says he smacked her, he says he didn’t, and we don’t know who’s lying.

But, and this is interesting, how many times have you imagined that he didn’t hit her? About none, right? And I’m wondering why. Maybe it’s just not as gratifying to imagine Mel telling the truth. Oksana being the villain doesn’t call out the mob like Mel. Less of a career to destroy? Hard to tell. But what if, as one of TMZ’s expert sources suggests, Grigorieva’s injuries were self-inflicted? I’m not saying they were. How would I know? I’m just wondering why none of us are writing stories about how this terrible woman faked her injuries to make Mel Gibson look like a woman beater so she could get full custody of their daughter? She’d have motive. Have you heard the way he talks to her?

Which brings me to the way he talks to her. The tapes. Obviously, there’s no way to defend the tapes. Have you heard them? He’s absolutely out of his fucking mind. However, in terms of your ability to relate to Mel Gibson, you’ve either been that angry or you haven’t. If you’ve been that angry, then maybe you’re less inclined to stone Mel Gibson to death. If you’ve never been that angry, then of course you retain your right to be self-righteous and better than Mel Gibson, dictating the details of his demise from the throne of your betterness. Congratulations. You have great self-control. You play well with others.

Or do you?

Ares Hippolyta 1024x576 Going All Mel Gibson On Mel Gibson Is Totally Mel Gibson

Battle rage, bloodlust, and slaughter are functions of Ares, the Greek god of war. He’s been around awhile – check your history books – and he’s not going anywhere – read the papers. He’s not going to be educated away with startling statistics, horrific images, and anger management techniques. He’s embedded in the foundation of our culture and he thrives inside our veins, making our blood boil. And if you think I’m trying to explain away and justify the actions of Mel Gibson, then you better find a mirror. The same rage that shouts rabid obscenities at Oksana Grigorieva calls for Mel Gibson’s head. It’s just more considered, better crafted, and refined. Refined violence. Bloodlust posing as justice. Truth be told, I’d rather be punched in the fucking mouth.

If you pause a moment and listen closely to all the talk about Mel Gibson… shhh… listen… it sounds like a telephone call from Mel Gibson.

*

I had this friend once. Best friend of my life. Used to lose his mind like Mel fucking Gibson. No shit. I’m being straight with you. He’s the reason I wrote this. Those Mel Gibson tapes. They brought back haunting memories. They made me gasp. Because this guy. When he drank, he’d go crazy. Out of his mind. He called me a bunch of names like “cunt” and “motherfucker”, accused me of absurd crimes, and sometimes he’d even take a swipe at me. Threw a footstool at me once. But here’s the thing. And on this you’ll just have to take my word for it. He was so purely good. He was so fucking good that, when he’d lose his mind like that, it was like you couldn’t believe it. It didn’t compute. It rocked you. When he was drunk and “in a mood”, he hated you with so much intensity that it was impossible to take personally. Don’t get me wrong. It was terrible. I’m probably still wounded by it. But it was way too intense to be about me. It was sludgy bile. Rage. Unbridled. He was crazy. And, eventually, he stabbed himself to death.

Now I lay no claim to Mel Gibson being, on his better days, the greatest guy in the world. I don’t know him. But I recognize his rage and it’s shortsighted and unfair to assess his character and condemn his life’s work on the basis of a few blind rages. When you consider that Robyn Gibson came forward to say “Mel never engaged in any physical abuse of any kind toward me before, during, or after our marriage [of nearly 30 years]. Mel was a wonderful and loving father [to their seven children].”, that ought to carry some weight. Now I know that for a lot of you, it doesn’t, that you genuinely believe Mel Gibson should suffer forever and sleep on a bed of burning hot coals (maybe he should stab himself to death) because he said a bunch of mean shit on the telephone, but you’re wrong. You’re caught inside your own muck of wrath and rage and desire for revenge and, frankly, you’re freaking me out.

Mel Gibson said some heinous shit. He couldn’t even breathe. He was winded by the audacity of his own outlandish lunacy. But honestly. I said honestly. Do you think Mel Gibson, right now, stands by all the venomous shit he spewed in a few frothy blind rages? Really? Of course he doesn’t. He was out of control and out of his mind and veracity of content wasn’t his primary concern. He was slinging arrows. You’ve never slung any arrows? I’m smiling at you. You’ve never went off on a lover? No? How about behind their back? You ever shot an arrow at their back of a lover who wronged you? No? Well maybe you really are an angel but Mel Gibson didn’t invent the whole “out of his mind lover going off” bit. Go read Shakespeare.

Mel Gibson is a bipolar drunk with some backwards opinions who makes lame movies. And from the sound of his rants, he’s a spoiled rotten jerk who’s probably right in the middle of realizing that he ruined 30 good years with a good woman for someone who loved his money more than him. That’s a tough pill. And probably punishment enough, unless he committed some crimes for which we have a legal system. But some of you would only be satisfied with a ruined life and career. Some of you would even be happy if he killed himself. And I just wrote this to tell you that wishing suffering and death on another is as crazy as Mel Gibson.

. . . . .

BHJ likes the way Mel Gibson gave Robert Downey Jr. a chance because we deserve them.

Share

Like Us On Facebook




Filed Under: Best Of Featured, Best Of MamaPop, Books, Celeb Legal Woes, Celebrities Say The Darndest Things, Celebrity Breakups, Celebrity Death Match, Douchebags, Fail, Gossip, Mel Gibson, Merciless Killing Machines, Robert Downey Jr., Teh Crazy, Temper Tantrum, Things That Suck Tagged With: Ares, Gossip, Mel Gibson, Oksana Grigorieva, Robert Downey Jr.
  • http://www.fathermuskrat.com muskrat

    I wish John Lennon were around, so that he could lead us in a chorus of “All we are saying is give Mel a chance.” That would be rad.

    • Rachel

      That’s weird, I thought he was already ON his second chance…

  • http://thebhj.com BHJ

    Robert Downey Jr.?!? No. That dude has 9 lives.

  • http://silverthinks.blogspot.com Silver

    So, what do you reckon we do with all these lit torches over here? Just sit around a bonfire making s’mores?!

    Wait…s’mmmooorrres…mmmm.

  • Karen

    I’m going to step up and say, Brava. This was an excellent post. And I say this as a former employee of a domestic violence shelter, even. We don’t know the facts, we don’t know what actually happened, and the fact that Mel’s wife (AND children) are standing up and saying ‘Whoa. This is not the husband and father we know,” should be considered.

    Listen, my husband is the best damn person I know. He would literaly give the shirt off his back to a stranger. He has been known to stop on busy highways to help people in stalled cars, gives money to anybody who asks on the street, and is just overall very passionate about helping and protecting others. That same passion–that ability to feel deep emotions–sometimes causes him to, yes, lose his shit. He will lose his shit if he feels his children or safety are being threatened, and you do not want to see him when he’s like that. It’s frightening.

    But that is not who he is. He’s a good man. So I can buy that, yes, people can be pushed to say horrible things, but like BHJ says, I sure wouldn’t want my life defined by the worst thing I ever did or said. Oh, Lord, no. I hadn’t thought of that before reading this, and well, it should resonate with everyone.

  • http://southcityconfidential.com KBO

    I call bullshit, BHJ.

    You know, if Mel admitted any type of culpability or admitted that, yeah, he’s got major, major issues and maybe he should go away from fame to deal with those problems, then I would maybe be more inclined to cut him some slack. But he doesn’t. And he won’t. He’s already gotten chances, and personally, the public doesn’t owe him shit. So the whole “everyone deserves redemption” shit doesn’t fly because it seems like he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone but himself.

    You know, I get angry sometimes. Really ranty, heated, panties-in-a-twist angry. But when I get angry, I’m STILL not racist, misogynistic, anti-Semetic, or homophobic. Because even when I’m angry, that’s not who I am. Once I was at some party where a dude dropped the n-word and, when called out on it, he said, “What, you don’t get angry sometimes and say words you shouldn’t?” to which I replied, “Yes, but those don’t include racist epithets because I’m NOT A FUCKING RACIST.”

    So, yeah, I’m sticking by my whole “fuck him and the horse he rode in on” position, because I’m tired of egregious assholes being given a pass without any real remorse attached to it. The world owes Mel Gibson nothing.

    • BHJ

      I didn’t really say we (the public) owed Mel Gibson anything. Maybe that was implied in my byline but that wasn’t the substance of what I was driving at. All I was trying to do was approach him with some understanding and compassion as opposed to lynching him because we don’t like the way he behaves – which is kinda what you hate.

      I applaud you for your ability to maintain your conscious beliefs when your anger is out of control. On the surface, that sounds like an impossible contradiction but all I can do is take your word for it.

      But your conviction of Mel Gibson as racist, misogynistic, anti-Semetic, and homophobic and your resultant hatred of him seems, to me, over the top. That’s just my stance, KBO. I don’t think you can hate the hate out of people.

      And, finally, what I don’t buy is that remorse could ever buy Mel Gibson a pass from you and most of the public. You’re too committed to him as a despicable villain. What would real remorse look like? What do you want from him and guys like him? Chris Brown wants to know too.

    • jillian

      Yeah, I’m with KBO on this. The fact is, when he loses his shit, he reveals himself to be a Serious, Serious Creep. It’s when he loses his composure that he says all those things he is secretly thinking but that he normally knows better than to say. That’s what is telling about the tapes.

      Get me drunk and give me sodium pentothal, then threaten my kid even, and I am still never going to say I wish a person be raped by a bunch of n–s. That is a reflection of a vile, rancid mind.

      • BHJ

        This comment begins to raise a lot of interesting psychological questions. I know that, consciously, you believe you’re this open-minded free thinker – you probably are. Great. But all that vile, rancid stuff. Your ego might be cut off from it but that doesn’t mean it’s not in there somewhere. We’re a lot more complex (and evil) than we give (or allow) ourselves credit for.

        But for guys like Mel Gibson, we have this weird theory that goes “Oh him, THAT monster. When he gets drunk or goes off in a rage, that’s who he REALLY is.” How bold. To declare that the worst areas of Mel Gibson’s potential selves are the REAL him. As if the man his children love is somehow less real or not real. It’s just strange to me is all.

        But scrap all that and let me agree with you for a moment. Mel Gibson is purely vile and rancid. What do we, the free thinking people so bent on equality, do with the vile and rancid among us? It bears remembering that yesterday’s vile and rancid is today’s group that deserves the same rights as everyone else.

  • http://tantrumwarehouse.blogspot.com Anyabeth

    I don’t understand. This isn’t the first time Mel Gibson has screamed unimaginable things. Even if the abuse accusations aren’t true that is plenty bad. And most of us, if we did something like this (or even were accused of it) would absolutely be defined by it.

    And while I am sure that your friend is a lovely person, he also sounds like he is either an anger problem or a substance abuse problem or both. So I don’t see how going on the internet an excusing it makes that ok either.

    • BHJ

      “And most of us, if we did something like this (or even were accused of it) would absolutely be defined by it.”

      I disagree. You forgive the trespasses of the people you love. You love them in spite of them. If your love can’t endure people making mistakes, is that even love? That’s just hanging with people on the condition they meet your needs and expectations, tossing them out when they don’t.

      “And while I am sure that your friend is a lovely person, he also sounds like he is either an anger problem or a substance abuse problem or both. So I don’t see how going on the internet an excusing it makes that ok either.”

      I didn’t excuse it. Who am I to excuse the actions of another, to give them a pass, or condemn them? I’m not God. I don’t make those calls. My point was that I loved him, all of him, his good AND his bad, because my love is tenacious. He wasn’t defined by his worst moments. He was a good man with a lot of problems and now he’s a dead man. He’s ALL of that. Not just an angry man with s drinking problem.

      Though of course you’re free to do what you want, I’d rather you not speak about him again. Your comment was flip. And, again, I loved him.

  • cel

    Excellent Post !!

  • http://everythingisungodly.blogspot.com/ Liz McD

    As usual I love your writing. Love it. Love it so much. But.

    The anger directed against Mel Gibson is not the same anger that he was directing against Oksana. It simply can’t be. No matter what she might have done to him, nothing justified the way he lashed out at her. The anger that’s directed towards him is a reaction to his unjustified lashing-out. I’m not saying it’s necessarily “better” or healthier because of this, but it’s unfair to compare the two.

    Women have the right to be angry, I think. If we’re calling for Mel Gibson’s head (which I don’t think anyone is, but I’ll fight the straw man anyway) it’s because of the heavy yolk we’ve lived under. It’s because we all grew up in a world where, in some ways, it’s still okay for men to say things like this. And it pisses us off.

    I don’t know if Mel Gibson behaves in a sexist way in his everyday life. I don’t particularly care. We’re angry about what he said, about what it symbolizes – the sexual violence and spite and disdain that’s so deeply entwined with his words. You’re right; he probably wouldn’t stand by what he said. That’s not the point. The point is that he said it.

    I can’t speak for a man’s reaction to this. I don’t think a lot of men are dealing with the issue anyway; most of them are focusing on the racism, which is something we already knew about.

  • http://baltimoregal.blogspot.com/ baltimoregal

    We ALL lose our shit sometimes. And people ARE quick to judge. Believe me, you’re not the only one who has known a good person who can be scary to the point of deadly. But I am at the point in my life where I refuse to let myself be dragged into situations like that anymore. It doesn’t mean I lack compassion, or don’t know that people can be mentally ill or suffer from addiction or have a bad moment or 10 or 50. I don’t wish suffering or death on anyone.

    At some point I am within rights to say- that behavior is not acceptable. Whether it’s my own brother, or a celebrity on the radio. Regardless of other circumstances. I want nothing to do with it. For my own safety, whether it be emotionally, physically, whatever. I am not, never, saying redemption is out of the question. But I am saying that scars take time to heal and the idea that I should quickly write off that someone would say or do hateful things makes no sense to me. Again, I don’t wish suffering or death on Mel, Chris Brown, Michael Vick, the public enemy of the month. I just want them to let me be unhappy with the harm they caused others. I’ll get over it. I promise.

  • JenGid

    This sure does get you thinking. Well done.

  • Amanda Jo.

    I wonder who we think we are, that we believe he owes us some kind of explination. We aren’t the woman that was the object of his abject loathing in those moments, we aren’t his children or family, we aren’t even his fucking lawyer. We supported his career, so we think we own him? That’s all kinds of bullshit, because I’m pretty sure he said something of the same nature to his ex. Something about all he’s done for her, he deserves more than that, where the fuck does she get off.

    Yeah. Pretty sure I heard something about that. That prick. Where does he get off? After all we’ve done for him.

    Come one. REALLY. COME ON. Obviously, he’s got issues. We all know he has issues. We’ve heard it, and read about it, and seen it, and gossiped about it, and we know. Now we want him to come to us and say he knows, too, and he’s sorry for it, so that we can talk over him and say, “Shut up, we don’t want to hear your excuses. Look at him, trying to get back into the good graces of Public Opinion. HAH. NOT TODAY, GIBSON.”

    I’m not defending him. I think he needs to go away for a while and get his shit together, before he hurts someone in a way that can’t be recovered from. Before one of his eleventy billion kids sees him in one of these rages and absorbs it into themselves to fester and breed and destroy. But I, too, am a little freaked out by the venom we’re regarding him with. Because it DOES make us like him. It does. We have excuses and justifications and “but not really’s” but it DOES and I’m not okay with jumping in that boat.

    Speaking of his kids. Has anyone thought maybe this was a reaction to her trying to keep his kid from him? Not that I’m saying that happened, or that it would make his freak-out okay, in any way shape or form. No one is saying what he did, whatever that was, is okay. It’s not okay. It’s wrong and bad and, yeah, he needs to have consequences for that. But if someone was trying to take my kid? That’s all I can imagine that would make me explode like that. I’d burn someone’s fucking house down, and you can believe that. I’d tear the world apart and not think about the consequences, and I think a lot of people would. So who’s to say what made him lose it like that? How do we know? Not that it was justified or okay (God, can we just stop with the “I’m not saying he’s right.” disclaimers? NO ONE THINKS HE WAS RIGHT.) but we don’t know. We just don’t. Our window into the situation is limited, although it’s easy to forget because he’s in the public eye and we’ve seen enough to know he’s done something awful.

    All of that aside, obviously he needs help. But we aren’t the ones he needs to justify himself to, or fix himself for. There are kids, man. He’s got lots of kids, a GAGGLE of kids, and they need him to not be the kind of person that reacts like that. He needs to get his shit together so that when he disappears into the history of Fucked Up Shit a Celebrity Did That One Time, when he’s living a life of obscurity, that he’s the kind of person that those kids can depend on.

    (Also. I’m a woman, and I’m not angry that he was sexist. I’m a terrible feminist, whatever. I’m angry that he talked about someone deserving rape, that he was dropping racial slurs, and that he lost his shit in the first place. I’m not going to take off my heavy yolk and beat him with it, because I think that’s a cop out, too. Us using our gender as an excuse to be angry at him is like him using (WHATEVER HIS MOTIVATION WAS) to do what he did. And I call bullshit. Take that for what it’s worth, which is exactly nothing. On the other hand, I think it is up to the public to stand together and say that this aggression will not stand. That we won’t support the violent rage of any kind that it isn’t okay. But to crucify someone? I don’t think that’s our job.)

    And I’m spent.

  • http://baltimoregal.blogspot.com/ baltimoregal

    Total aside issue but it’s a YOKE, not a yolk. That’s been bugging me.

  • http://www.sweetney.com Sweetney

    The point that his wife of 30 years says only good things about him… well, it suggests he isn’t a total monster. Clearly he’s going through…umm… something. But I agree that we should *at minimum* keep an open mind — neither condemn nor defend — because really, what the fuck DO we know about him, his life, beyond some sound bites? Would you like the worst things YOU ever said taken out of any kind of real context and played publicly? I’m thinking no.

  • Aleks

    I dont think this post was about excusing his actions, or giving him chances.

    It’s exactly what the last sentence says “And I just wrote this to tell you that wishing suffering and death on another is as crazy as Mel Gibson.”

    And it is.

    Thank you for your post. Certainly made me think about the words I use towards/about people I dont know.

  • http://everythingisungodly.blogspot.com/ Liz McD

    @baltimoregal – Yeah, I actually do know that…just had a weird brain fart. I do that sometimes with homophones. It’s weird. I totally would pick on someone else for making that mistake too…

    @Amanda Jo – Who is this “we” you’re referring to? I’m seeing a lot of thoughtful, careful, heartfelt reactions to his words. I’m not seeing venom. The guy said some fucked up shit and we’re all going to deal with the reality of his words differently. And if someone feels angry enough to literally kill him, that’s their right to feel that way, as long as they don’t actually go out and do it.

    I don’t want to make this about “righteous” vs. “unrighteous” anger, because I’m not sure those things actually exist. But I can’t imagine a scenario where it’s okay for a man to say those things to a woman who’s not literally possessed by a demon. But it is okay for us to have a reaction to it, because we’re human beings. I am not saying Mel Gibson is a bad person because of what he said, just as we are not bad people for the emotional reactions we may have towards some INCREDIBLY emotionally charged words that he said.

    I don’t think he needs to apologize. I’m not asking him to do anything at all, really. I just think we should be entitled to our feelings on the matter, whatever those feelings are, without being made to feel like we’re out of line for reacting the way we do.

  • Rhonda

    Well, I certainly never looked at things from this perspective. Thank you for giving me something to chew on. Great piece.

  • http://www.mybottlesup.com nic @mybottlesup

    *stunned* and grateful for this good read. while i’m unsure about a lot of this shit (and a lot of shit in general) this post left me thinking… which is the part i’m grateful for… because i am not convinced that we (myself included) do enough thinking before judging and condemning.

    so thanks for that.

  • Amanda Jo.

    Liz: Royal “we.” General, society “we.” Everyone that’s written a column about how he needs to account for himself and explain his actions. Anyone that’s agreed. You are also part of “we,” as you mentioned that we’re angry. And we are angry. And if it’s someone’s right to feel angry enough to literally kill him, than it’s his right to feel like his ex is all of those terrible things he said she was.

    I’m just saying. I think WE as a group, a whole, a society, a generation tend to get up in arms before knowing the whole story because what we DO know is enough to piss us off. And that’s fine. Being pissed off is great. As I mentioned, I am also pissed off. Just not, apparently, for the same reason or to the same extent as you mentioned that you might be. That’s my process, I guess. And I do think that some people are out of line for the degree of malice in their reaction to what he did- as BHJ pointed out, meeting disgusting rage with disgusting rage isn’t a good thing. Love, yaknow. That’s the answer. (Maybe not for Mel Gibson. I’m not saying I want to give the guy a hug. He probably needs a good shaking. (HAHA I KID VIOLENCE IS WRONG. Uh.) But if he had reacted with kindness instead of anger, we wouldn’t be here talking about this. You see.)

    Baltimore: Yolk, egg. Yoke, oxen. Now I’m cringing about it, too.

  • http://www.nottherockefellers.blogspot.com Rene Foran

    Unfortunately we have become a nation that has turned trainwrecks into a spectator sport.

    Mel, Lindsay, Britney and even a friend or relative that is a perpetual raging screw-up need to be helped, not judged. But helping doesn’t empty magazine racks, pump up site numbers or give you something to talk about at the family get-together.

    Hopefully this doesn’t come off sounding too pious…because I am most definitely the biggest offender when it comes to eating this stuff up.

    Peace ~ Rene

  • http://blessourhearts.net Ms. Moon

    Ah- BHJ! Hello! Here’s what I said that Mel Gibson should do:
    Join a monastery which practices silence and celibacy. Since he’s all about Jesus and shit anyway.

  • http://afteriris.wordpress.com afteriris

    I’m not sure Mel Gibson and Chris Brown need you to be their apologist. Men in the public eye that are alleged to rape/ beat/ abuse women are frequently offered redemption: Mike Tyson, R. Kelly, Josh Brolin, Roman Polanski, Al Gore… people are lining up to defend these people and rehabilitate their careers.

    Of course, the points you make are compelling and well written, it’s just a little bit too familiar to me. It seems to me that far too many cases of domestic violence never even get a whiff of legal intervention because we are all far too willing to put ourselves in Mel’s shoes. How else do you explain the shockingly low ratio of conviction to accusation in these cases?

    Perhaps it’s the context of this forum that makes your standpoint seem radical, but in fact it’s alarmingly normal for people to react to accounts of domestic violence in the way that you have here.

    • http://afteriris.wordpress.com afteriris

      … ooh, I just want to add that I know it seems like I’m just dying to get on your case about everything you write, but I’m genuinely interested in the points you’ve raised. I hope my comment doesn’t come across in a riled-up-dog kinda way.

    • BHJ

      I don’t really understand the motive for your comment. Mel Gibson’s not getting a lot of good press. The papers and entertainment gossip isn’t overflowing with people trying on Mel Gibson’s shoes. Whoopi Goldberg defended him and she’s being ostracized. But even if people are lining up to defend him, I’m lining up with them. But it’s not like I care very much about him or his career. I’m more interested in people making connections between the rage they direct at rage and inviting them to explore the distinctions, if any, between them.

      My apologies for the illusion of my normalcy looking radical. Maybe I am just a victim of my context.

      • http://afteriris.wordpress.com afteriris

        I don’t have a motive for commenting outside of ‘wow, this is interesting, here’s what I think about your thought-provoking piece, what do you think of my thoughts?’

        You’re quite right, at the moment Mel Gibson is being put through the wringer. But so was R. Kelly or Roman Polanski, who have both been convicted of sex offences, and have gone on to enjoy massive career revivals subsequently.

        Is it rage or outrage that they are expressing? That’s where the distinction lies, to my mind. He displays outrageously bad behaviour in those tapes. Mel is a public figure who has reaped the benefits of his (formerly) positive public image; some public outrage doesn’t seem totally unreasonable to me.

        A victim of your context? Nice. That made me laugh at 6.30am. Just like poor, old Mel, eh? ;)

        I wonder if there is any context where I would be able to get behind the person who is caught on those horrible tapes? I don’t think there is. That’s not rage, though. I’m not calling Mel names or wishing him harm. But even if I was, does it follow that my bad behaviour would cancel out his?

        • BHJ

          “I wonder if there is any context where I would be able to get behind the person who is caught on those horrible tapes? I don’t think there is.”

          This is exactly why I wrote this. I suppose you’d have to imagine loving someone so much that you’re unable to get out from being behind them. It wouldn’t excuse or justify them. You’d just be so far behind them that there’s no other choice. For the record, this is not a document of my love for Mel Gibson. I didn’t much care for Braveheart.

          • http://afteriris.wordpress.com afteriris

            That is a very beautiful way to put it. My love is tested all the time, in ways that I don’t really want to document here. What I would say is that Love doesn’t stop me raging. It doesn’t stop me being disappointed when my loved one has ‘done me wrong’. In our toughest times, our lowest points, I didn’t get behind him, I didn’t condone what he’d done. I DID sit beside him though. I was still with him, still loved him.

            When I am hateful or vile, which I absolutely am in the way we all are, I don’t expect blind agreement from people who love me. In fact I need them to tell me when I’ve crossed the line, even though that’s really hard to say and hear. That’s why it’s their job. It’s so fucking tough to have those conversations that you only do it for people who are worth it.

            Now, I’m not criticizing Mel out of love, although Lethal Weapon is piece of genius. The point I’m making is that calling out bad behaviour doesn’t necessarily equal undeserved vitriol. Sometimes it’s even a kind act.

            When it comes to people who abuse, when does it stop being an act of compassion and start being enabling?

  • Val

    While his character was besmirched to me before this because of his anti-Semetic rants, I am firmly and comfortably on the fence about other accusations until more evidence comes out. And as someone so eloquently put it, even then I will try to leave the judging to higher powers.

    But this post eases some of my guilt about thinking she sure sounds like she’s baiting and provoking him in excerpts of the tapes. And I have to wonder why she didn’t go to the police when these things reportedly happened. Yes, tapes are compelling evidence but so are physical injuries.

    What is clear is that both need some support from mental health professionals. I do find it significant that his ex-wife (who left him because he cheated on her!) is coming to his defense. All I have read about her suggests she is a free-thinking, strong, vibrant woman.

    We shall just have to see.

    • jen

      I agree. Who knows what’s been said/shouted in private between the two of them. None of us have actually been in the room with them. None of us know what SHE’s really like. Mel seems to be off his rocker, but who knows how much she pushes him towards the crazed behavior. Believe it or not there are some women out there who crave that sort of dysfunction and work to create it (whether they’re aware of it or not).

      Most of us have said really awful things in a fight that we wish more than anything we could take back. Thankfully we’ve never been recorded saying them.

  • http://none frecklefacehockeymom

    BHJ:
    You are so rad; I have enjoyed your every writing since the days of your nice old nice Black Hockey Jesus blog. I agree with your post in every aspect. Yes, Mel said some utterly horrendous things. He needs meds (as he says in one of his rants), friends, and a more wholesome wife. I noticed, however, that the audio seems meticulously edited. It seems almost crafted, as if he were baited for a trap. There is scant audio of her replies to his hissing and screaming, just a smattering of very controlled responses. Weird. It usually takes two to tango…
    Not that a man should EVER say such vile things to a woman. Or vice versa. But your fair and empathic summation of human aggression and rage must give us pause. I love the way you urge us to consider our lowest low. Then take that lowest low, distill it to chilling clarity, and isolate it from any element of goodness. Then add the always spicy element of submission/dominance present in the successful American male/unknown Foreign female dichotomy, and voila! On the heels of Tiger Woods and Jesse James, OF COURSE, we forget the big picture of humanity behind the scenes and call Mel a raging lunatic. Please. Give me a break. Furthermore, why is this any of our business anyway? Why does this media exist? Didn’t somebody take pains to record these conversations in such carefully edited form? When thinking about how awful Mel behaved, I pause when I consider the motive behind and the rationale for recording and distributing this media in the first place…Why? Was she scared of him? It just doesn’t seem right to me…where are the recordings of her worst moments? Where is her wrath and fury, all wrapped in a few tight minutes of audio for us to judge?
    But, I digress…
    My comment was originally written in support of your always illuminating literary brilliance. I got a little carried away… Thank you for the thoughtful angle on this scandal. The personal references you make are incredibly courageous.
    Thank you for putting it out there…
    ffhockeymom

  • pueo

    If you want to condemn the “self-righteous rage” of the public in reaction to these alleged events, you must also condemn your own self-righteous anger at the public. You’re implying that people get really, really angry and they lash out. Like Mel Gibson did. Or like you did. Or like the public is currently doing. If bloodlust is coursing through all our veins (as you state in your piece), isn’t it completely natural for us to be angry?

    And like many of the previous posters have already stated, I think in general it is not rage that people are feeling so much as disgust at the language of hate that Gibson employed to express his anger. We don’t know if physical violence actually occurred – that is a matter for the police to determine. But there are other forms of violence – and we are all witness to it.

    Mel Gibson’s very lucrative career is based on public consumption – why wouldn’t we have a say in whether he sinks or swims?

    Having said all that, I do applaud you for trying to bring to light another side of this story – and reminding us to be accountable not only for our actions, but for our reactions, to the world around us.

  • http://yesimadethat.blogspot.com Lori

    This post was very interesting -as evidenced by all the interesting comments. Thank you for putting another view out there. I have been thinking there must be something else going on with Mel Gibson for this to just suddenly burst out of him (the racist ranting and this latest round). I hadn’t heard the comment from his ex-wife until this piece, which I had been wondering about also.

    My one comment here would be this: You saw your friend for who he truly was rather than his irrational behaviour because you loved him. We, the public, have no such connection to these celebrities when we see them commit these outrageous acts in public (or in private but reported later). People overlook and forgive and deal with bad behavior from their loved ones because of the context of the relationship. With these celebrities, we see them on screen and then we hear gossip about them. We have no such day-to-day context on which to base our understanding of their behaviour.

    I don’t know if it’s right or wrong to boycott an actor (singer/artist)based on gossip we hear about them but I also don’t see that it is the same as going off on a person in a rant either. I’ve had friends and loved ones behave in irrational, angry, ragey behaviour that hurt those around them too, we all have probably. But in those instances I left for a time to give myself time to not be upset by the behavior and to give them time to cool down. I may have even talked about their bad behaviour with others who knew them to try to work through how it felt to me. In time that relationship was healed and we all moved on. I think that’s maybe what I’m hoping for in this instance. If this image we now have is truly not Mel Gibson, I hope he goes away for a while to cool down, and then he can make up with his loved ones (and with the public) and we can all move on.

  • http://www.mommaruthsays.com mommaruthsays

    I’m married to man who has been where Mel is, or at least a situation similar to this. Rock bottom, the lowest of the lows. And it’s like you said, when he was at this stage and I was standing next to him looking at the beast he was, it wasn’t the real him. I knew the words flying out his mouth weren’t really true. The things he threw across the room, the fights that got out of control – they weren’t real. He was in a bad place, at a point in his life where if I would have left him, he would’ve been all alone.

    And so I stayed, because I love him. And today he’s the *real* him. The beast is there lurking underneath, but he knows the warning signs and he knows how to control it.

    Mel Gibson has said and done horrible shit. The beast has overcome him and he hasn’t found his way back to the real him. He needs some love, some family, some support – he needs to find his way back to who he really is. I would hate to think that we’re so willing as people, as humans to completely write off other people when they reach this low descent. This is the time we should be stepping in and taking his hand, helping him pull himself up not drag him down further.

    There’s no such thing as first chances or second chances or third, fourth, fifth – they don’t expire. This is life. Every chance is life and who are we to deny anyone the right to continue living?

  • http://www.kellyology.net Kellyology

    Interesting post, interesting comments. I only have to add two things. Almost marrying an drug addict, I myself have had many low points and have been in many rages in which the things that came out of my mouth surprised and didn’t surprise me. I was surprised that in my rage I could no longer contain what I was really thinking, and I was not surprised at what was coming out of my mouth. I think if people are truly genuine about who they are, they know the ugly stuff that is deep inside. When I said the crazy ass things I said to my ex in my rage, it was the same crazy ass things that were being said in my head. Rage just caused them to be let out.

    Secondly I so do not believe that who you are in your rage or in your drunk state or whatever other excuse you can come up with is not who you are period. When you look at a person, you have to look at them at their entirety. The nice part of a guy is there. But so is the jerk that only occasionally comes out. The two make up whole person. And the ignoring of one half with the excuse that the other other exists is what keeps abused people abused. With that said, who’s to say that someone can’t learn to get past or stop the dark side of themselves from coming out? I’ve seen it happen. I know it can. But to make excuses for it when it does come out? Well that’s just ridiculous. And a price should be paid for that poor behavior.

    At what level that price should be? Who knows. I just know I’m not going to be the one to give it to Mel Gibson. I don’t even know the man.

  • http://edenriley.blogspot.com/ edenland

    The public and media hate Mel just as much down here in his homeland too.

    I don’t – unfortunately for me, I understand. I have been blinded by rage, unable to stop the bile and fury. It’s not normal. I don’t pretend to be normal though. Wouldn’t know how.

    I have worked on my “issues”, over the years.

    But it’s always there, underneath my skin – like it’s underneath everybody’s skin.

    Some people just have to dig a little deeper to find it.

  • Kimberly

    Very well written and thought provoking. Ballsy, too. Thanks for putting this out there.

  • http://www.momomatic.com Lotta

    Truth is I don’t know Mel and have no idea if he’s an abusive asshole or a regular guy having a low moment. But I do know that I LOVE when people can see both sides of an issue and don’t immediately cling to righteousness because it feels goood to make someone else sooo bad. So I love this post.

  • http://kitmama.blogspot.com Kit

    You know, all I can think is, “Not my business.” And it’s not. We are not this man’s friends or family. I don’t know this guy, or his kids, or his wives. He doesn’t even live in my community. It’s just not my business. Why should I think anything of him, good or ill?

  • http://www.stagesofbreastcancer.info Charles Sundberg

    I\’m happy I found this blog, I couldnt discover any info on this subject matter prior to. I also run a site and if you want to ever serious in a little bit of guest writing for me if possible feel free to let me know, i\’m always look for people to check out my site. Please stop by and leave a comment sometime!