Top Chef Recap: Power Lunch

Bravo calls last night’s episode “Power Lunch” but I will always think of it as the “Pea Puree” episode. If you added up all the times I’ve heard the phrase “pea puree” in my 37 years on this planet before yesterday and then totaled the amount of times I heard the phrase during the show last night the math would look a little bit like this:

Times Pea Puree Mentioned (1972 – 2010) < Times Pea Puree Mentioned  (July 28, 2010)

True story.

On the Bravo website Tom Colicchio writes about PeaGate (ha ha, I said pea gate) and he says that the judges had no idea that there was any controversy at all in regards to the pea puree until they watched the episode. Fine, that seems fair, but here is my question – will all those cameras in the kitchen how do the editors not know if the pea puree belonged to Alex or Ed? They are recording everything. This should be a mystery that is easily solved. I mean, I’m no Ricardo Tubbs, but come on! Watch the video. If Big Brother is watching you and you know it, why aren’t you using it to your advantage?

Oh some of you haven’t watched yet and have no idea what I am talking about.

Let us go back and recap Top Chef Episode 7: Power Lunch.

Quickfire Challenge

About 40% of the time I recognize the Quickfire judge on sight. Last night I saw this guy and I didn’t even have a good guess, but one of my viewing companions yelled (oh yeah, she yelled) “Oh come on! Aaron fucking Schock?”

Without outing any of my friends I would like to say that last night I watched “Top Chef” with a person who works in The United States House of Representatives, a person who works for The United States Senate, another MamaPop writer and a gentleman that I live with.

Okay, fine. It was me my husband, Laurie and two people who shall remain anonymous. But might I suggest that if you ever have the opportunity to watch “Top Chef D.C.” with people who work on Capitol Hill you should do it because 1) They tell you who all of these people are, 2) insider gossip, and 3) People who work on the Hill know some hilarious bad words.

Anyway Aaron Schock (R – Illinois) is the youngest member of The House of Representatives. Clearly this qualifies him to judge food.

I looked Schock up and he was born in 1981. He is 29 years old. He is a 29 year old congressman and I am writing Top Chef recaps. I am trying to figure out if I am a total loser who has done nothing with her life or if I have the greatest job on the planet. We’ll come back to this discussion another day, but I really only want to hear your opinion if you don’t think I am a loser. You know which commenter you are.

Anyway, we were talking about the Quickfire. Young Schock gives our cheftestants (and I still hate that word) a little ethics lecture. Apparently food plays a big role in the ethics training for new congressmen and congresswomen.

This explains a lot.

The point is that we the people are concerned that if the lobbyists feed our elected officials too much food it might serve as influence. The bottom line is that if you serve a congressperson food on a toothpick there is no chance you have undue influence.

Clearly nobody has thought dosing all of the senators.

And I just earned myself an F.B.I. file.

Whatever, I’m too lazy to harass members of either house.

Either way, the challenge is to devise a delicious hors d’oeuvre that you can eat on a toothpick. The winner of this quickfire challenge wins $ 20,000 AND immunity.

Damn. You get $150,000 if you win the whole thing. A few well placed quickfire wins could really improve a person’s station in life.

At this point I am rooting for Stephen and Tiffany even though I don’t think Stephen stands a chance of even making it to the top 5. I like Kelly and Kenny too, but of course  Stupid Angelo wins again.

I am so sick of this guy. My viewing companions think that the editors are making Angelo the bad guy. I say the editors are doing a good job because I can’t stand him. Amanda and Andrea are on my nerves too, but I’m not worried about them winning.

Before we movie on to the elimination challenge I would like to take a moment to talk about Ed and Tiffany. I think everybody wants Ed and Tiffany to be a couple. I’m not seeing it. Maybe I’m naive, but I see them as just being good friends. They connect. They make each other laugh. I don’t see excessive touching or flirting. I just see two people hanging out and talking trash. I admit, it would be much more interesting if I was wrong, but I don’t think Tiffany’s fiancee has anything to worry about.

Elimination Challenge

Our heroes will be cooking a “power lunch” at the famous Palm restaurant in Washington D.C. Each chef draws a knife to determine which protein they will cook with. Kevin and Kenny draw lamb chops, , Tiffany and Andrea get swordfish, Kelly and Amanda will be cooking porterhouse steaks, Stephen and Alex get salmon and Ed and Angelo will be working with lobster. The Palm will provide the proteins, but each chef still gets $300 on top of that to feed 24 guests. The chefs will not be judged head to head, but they will be serving their dish next to the other chef who has the same main meat.

Heh. Main meat.

Tiffany is psyched. She has a swordfish recipe she has been dying to use. Alex is thrilled because you can do so much with salmon.

Personally I think they are all just happy because nobody has to be on a team with Amanda, Angelo or Alex.

Wow. Maybe I just don’t like people who have names that begin with the letter “A”.

All Amys and most Ambers are clearly excluded. Don’t pout. I like you too, and you, just not you.

Speaking of people who annoy me with names who start with A, Amanda has decided to take her meat off the bone which Kelly points out that in fact makes it not a porterhouse, but a New York Strip and a filet. Kelly is absolutely right.

Angelo says he isn’t familiar with the concept of a power lunch.

Because Angelo doesn’t seem very bright when talking to him we’ll just say “lunch”. Our big words frighten and confuse Angelo.

When the chefs get to The Palm something strange happens.

Bruce Bozzi Jr., the Executive VP of The Palm comes in and tries to hypnotize the chefs with his tie.

I LOVED IT. IT WAS BETTER THAN CATS.

After that I blacked out for a while, but from what I understand the winner gets their dish on the menu at The Palm and their face on the wall of caricatures.

The chefs begin to cook two at a time beginning with the porterhouse ladies. Kelly won’t share her salt with Amanda. Big Bird would not approve.

WAIT! WAIT! I JUST SAW ALEX MAKING PEA PUREE!

I’m like Jessica Fucking Fletcher over here with a TiVO and a Nikon.

Okay, after watching again and again and again I suppose he could have been reheating Ed’s pea puree, but I don’t think so. If he did, Alex is either in total denial or a master pea puree thief.

Whatever. It wasn’t long after this that my husband said he never wanted to hear the words “pea puree” again. I hope he isn’t reading this.

I would love it if someone when through this episode and counted how many times someone said “pea puree”. Every time someone says “pea puree” drink!

Tom has to stay in the kitchen but Padma gets to sit with my senator, Mark Warner (Virginia – D), Mika Brezezinski and Joe Scarborough from “Morning Joe”, John Podesta the President of The Center for American Progress and Bruce Bozzi who still wants to hypnotize me.

Gail is in charge of her own table. She is sitting with Kelly O’Donnell, Luke Russert and Savannah Guthrie all from NBC, and Art Smith who has lost a ton of weight and he looks fabulous.

BUT NOT AS FABULOUS AS BRUCE BOZZI. HE LOOKS BETTER THAN CATS.

Hey! Surprise surprise! Kelly’s meat is way over salted.

That is what happens when you hog all of the salt, missy.

I also love it that Alex has forbidden rice in there with the controversial pea puree.

Art Smith loves the sweetness of the pea against the salmon.

That line is so much funnier if you say it out loud.

Art also said Alex’s dish was a symphony.

I would absolutely buy tickets to the Forbidden Rice Symphony with the disputable rice puree and salmon duo dancers. I see Yo Yo Ma as a soloist.

I’m sorry, I’m still reeling from that tie.

Angelo’s dish looks gross, but who cares. He is immune.

Judges Table

Alex, Tiffany and Ed end up at the top of the heap. This is when I realize that I am really rooting for Tiffany. Partially because I like her and partially because if she wins we might stop hearing about this damn pea puree.

BUT NO!

Art Smith even brings up Alex’s wonderful pea puree.

And then Alex wins.

I know.

Now this will never end. This is Who Shot J.R.? This is Susan Boyle, Tom Brady and the tuck rule, the 2000 election!

Pea Gate lives on and I blame the skinny Art Smith.

Alex’s big old head will be on the wall of The Palm, and nobody will ever shut the hell up about pea puree.

Let’s move on to the losers.

Kelly, Andrea and Kevin are summoned to the losers table.

Kevin’s dish was too spicy, Kelly’s dish was far too salty and Andrea’s swordfish just sounded gross. Vanilla and mustard on swordfish? Ick.

In the end Andrea went home, but I feel like the big winner was Bruce Bozzi’s tie. NOW I MUST GO KILL THE PRIME MINISTER OF MICRONESIA.

[most photos via bravo.com, the rest I took of my TV]

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Goon Squad Sarah is actually concerned about this F.B.I. file.