Week 7 of Big Brother has come and gone and it was event filled and action packed. There was a whole lot of everything - 5 competitions, 2 HOH’s, 2 Veto’s, 6 nominees, and 2 eliminated houseguests. There was also this one time where we got to watch Brendon bathe in fish guts. That was kind of awesome.
That’s a lot of stuff, so let’s get started, shall we?
Two hours before eviction, Enzo and Hayden told Matt that they were going to send him home. They couldn’t vote against Lane.
“I’m like a bipolar, hot tranny mess.” – Ragan
With Kathy leaving, everyone left in the house is a competitor. Poor Kathy. She never stood a chance, what with her being absolutely useless at every single type of challenge.
Lane is exceptionally happy that Britney is the HOH. Brendon is, too, because they made a deal the week before, but I doubt she’ll honour it. She knows how to play this game. He doesn’t get that it’s probable that she was just lying to save her ass. Oh well. Let him be happy for now.
Enzo is freaking out because besides Brendon, he and Hayden are the only people she’s not tight with.
“Ragan, you spent the last four days in the fetal position.” – Britney, about Ragan being so upset about Matt being on the block.
HOH Room! Oh, God. Britney gets a creepy pageant picture of herself. Do these people have no say as to what pictures they’re given? And if they are, why did she choose that one? Lane gets all flustered and upset after he sees a picture of Britney with her fiancé because she’s with a dorky looking dude and not him. He thinks he’s way hotter than her fiancé. Boy, you just jealous.
Matt, Britney and Ragan talk about who to put up as a pawn against Brendon. Matt suggests Enzo because he’s never been up. Plus, Matt is mad at him.
Lane is showing off to the other guests by bench pressing every single weight in the house. 325 lbs. He does it. Thrice. The Beast gets to keep his name.
Matt dreamt about shirtless Hayden. And then he told people. Lane isn’t sure what to think about that and it shows on his face.
Brendon talks to Britney about the deal they had made before. He tells her that Matt and Ragan tried to throw her under the bus last week. She’s almost maybe buying it, but come on. He’s grasping at straws because he knows if she puts him up, he’s out.
Have/Have Not Competition – Britney dresses up like a saloon girl and is smokin’. Drinkin’, bar fightin’, and horse wranglin’. Lane is sure he’s got this. But it’s a drinking competition like no other. The three person team members each takes a shot, one team member gets a nasty drink, the other two get a tasty treat, the other team has to guess which one got the gross one.
“I have been a have-not for 24 days. I cannot do this again. I am down to my birth weight.” – Ragan
Ragan, Matt and Lane win! Ragan can eat once again! Brendon, Hayden and Enzo can eat broccoli and bean dip, as well as slop. I’m very confused as to why everyone thinks bean dip is gross. I’m pretty sure I could live off of bean dip.
Britney and Lane go berserk over a moth. And not even a very big one. A regular moth.
“When I see these two freak out, I’m thinking there’s guns shooting at us or there’s a dinosaur. “ – Lane
The rest of The Brigade discuss how Matt is likely turning on them and looking after himself. They go up as a group to talk to Britney. Britney asks them who the house wants out. They all agree they want Brendon out still, but the three of them want Matt as the pawn. She’s sure if she did that, Matt would throw a hissy fit.
Britney asks Matt his advice. She pitches him the idea of going up as the pawn and he most definitely does not want that to happen. He’s watched this show. The pawn always goes home. It’s the kiss of death.
“I wish I could just go into a coma until after the POV.” – Britney.
Nominees – Brendon and Enzo.
Enzo is the pawn, Brendon the target. That doesn’t make Enzo feel any better. Brendon hides in the Have Not room, puts on his girly eye mask to cover his tears and prays aloud to Rachel.
Hayden and Lane talk about if Enzo or Brendon get Veto, they want to make a power move and get Matt off the block. Lane brings that idea to Britney. Britney tells him it doesn’t do her any good to get Matt out, given that he’s on her side of the house.
Veto Competition – Britney, Matt, Brendon, Lane, Enzo, Hayden play, Ragan hosts. Big Brother Zoo. Each player gets 50 points, Ragan takes turns offering prizes and punishments. Punishments earn points, prizes deduct points. Players are sequestered in cages so that their decisions are confidential.
Punishments (“winner” in brackets):
Chum bath every hour for 24 hours (Brendon), handcuffed to another player (Brendon, and he chooses Britney), Have Not for 3 weeks (Brendon), shave entire head OR die hair pink for the rest of the summer (Brendon), wear a penguin outfit for a week (Enzo!), give away all their clothes to charity (Enzo!!!)
Phone call from loved one (Lane), Hawaiian vacation for 2 (? – someone? anyone?), have not pass for the summer (no one), $5000 (Hayden)
Brendon wins! And holy crap, it cost him a lot. He took the most punishment, earning him the most points. Also earning him 3 weeks of Have Not, a shaved head, handcuffed to Britney and 24 baths in chum. In case you’re not quite sure what chum is, chum often consists of fish parts and blood, which attract fish, and particularly attracts sharks due to their keen sense of smell.
Britney is mad to the point of crying because no one else stepped up to help get Brendon out.
The rest of the house, The Brigade minus Matt plus Brendon, talk about who took the prizes. Lane fesses up, but Hayden lets Matt take the heat for the rest.
Lane runs recon, trying to get information from the HOH room. Britney is so pissed and she keeps throwing a snotty Kleenex. Girl, quit being such a lady. Punch some shit when you’re mad. You’ll feel better. Lane sweet talks her with lies to calm her down.
Pandora’s Box! One hour of advice from a player from a previous season. Britney opens the box. OH [cussy, dirty, offensive language], NO. Jesse. Y’all who don’t know Jesse? We hate Jesse. He calls himself Mr. Pecktacular. And the advice he’s giving? Workout advice. Mother. Of. Pearl. The rest of the house gets a Tikki party, complete with hip-shaky ladies. Britney gets the World’s Buffest Douche. He’s so comically arrogant, it’s almost “ha-ha” funny and not just “when will this torture end” funny.
The new BFF’s, Britney and Brendon, get cuffed together. Brendon has to bathe in dead fish parts hourly. Somehow, the chum is florescent green. Now, I’ve seen chum many times and it’s never once been day glow green. I question its authenticity. But what would I know?
Britney talks to Matt about her having to put up either Hayden or Matt as the replacement. Matt goes to Lane and throws Ragan under the bus by asking Lane to convince Britney to put up Ragan and not him. What a dirty cheater. What does a dirty cheater deserve? To be backdoored, courtesy of The Brigade, that’s what.
Each member takes a turn trying to convince Britney that Matt would be the best decision. They wheel and deal, they tell lies, they beg and plead.
Veto Ceremony – Brendon removes himself and Britney replaces him with Matt. Brendon totally misses the opportunity to call Matt a big dummy.
This week there will be a double eviction! Someone will be evicted, HOH will be determined, nominees will be … nominated, and someone else will be evicted. It’s like Big Brother on meth!
Britney put up Matt because he stabbed Ragan in the back by suggesting he be the replacement. Ragan is giving Matt the silent treatment, which is nicer than I would be. Matt figures out that Britney told Ragan and realizes he’s screwed without the one sure vote he thought he had.
Matt, trying to defend himself, tells Ragan some convoluted excuse that he was just sticking up for himself and didn’t realize that in the end it would seem like he was throwing Ragan under the bus.
Ragan figures out The Brigade alliance and confronts Matt. Matt denies that he knows of any such alliance but immediately goes running to Hayden and Lane. Matt uses this to try to convince the un-nominated men of The Brigade to keep him because he can control Ragan.
Voting - The Diabolical Super Genius is evicted from the Big Brother House by a vote of 4 – 0. I’ll give The Gremlin this – he takes it like a man.
Julie thinks the word “succubus” is dirty. Julie needs to loosen up.
HOH Competition – Delivering the Goods. Questions with the answer being the name of a houseguest. The answers are in a big pile of packing peanuts. Wow, that was faster than I was prepared for. One question and Hayden is the HOH. Now, QUICK!!! Think of two nominees, dude. FAST!
Ok, wait just a minute. Pause the video. Is it just me, or does Brendon look exponentially less douchey with his head shaved? I won’t say “hot” because that would force me to slap myself across the mouth with the business end of a rake, but I almost don’t want to peel his face skin off to save me from looking at it. Huh. Curious.
Nevermind. I take that all back.
Hayden nominates Brendon and Ragan. Now onto a live Veto Competition.
This episode is making me have to type way too fast. I can feel the carpal tunnel and it hurts. It hurts like punishment.
Veto Competition – Before or After. Julie names an event and they have to determine if they happened before or after another event. Wrong answers result in elimination. Last person standing wins. And that person is…
Ragan! The one they want out.
Ragan, shockingly, chooses to remove himself from the block. Hayden picks Britney as the replacement nominee.
Next up is the live vote and eviction. The second of the evening! (You know, CBS, we all know you didn’t do this on purpose. You got this far into the season and realized you didn’t count the weeks correctly and you’re left with one too many houseguests. Counting. How does it work?)
Geez. Even the commercial breaks are rushed. I’m feeling the burn and the burn is in my hand bones.
And Brendon is the second victim of the night, with a vote of 3 – 0. I am already dreading the Brenchel reunion footage. There will be plenty of squealing and making out and zee sexy timez. Pre-emptive yak.
“Brains go out the window as soon as you walk through those doors.” – Brendon
And that’s it! Two people lots of people were nominated, some stuff happened, somebody two people got evicted. The end!