I love Jeff VanVonderen, and I don’t care who knows it.
If you aren’t into voyeurism that involves other people’s addictions, you might not know that Jeff is one of A&E’s Intervention‘s interventionists. Each episode of Intervention features an addict of some type, who is followed by cameras under the guise of a run-of-the-mill documentary while their family prepares for an intervention to persuade the addict to go to treatment. There is one of three interventionists who prepares the family, mediates the intervention, then accompanies the addict to the designated treatment center should they choose to go.
Of the three interventionists, Jeff is my favorite. I love that he says give the addict the same damn spiel every time he begins an intervention and it starts like this:
He’s continues like he’s Occum himself: “They feel like they’re losing you. They’re gonna say some things, and you’re gonna say some things, and we’re done. That’s it.” EVERY TIME. I love how he calmly and cooly lets shithead family members know that this process isn’t about them and their own drama, it’s ultimately about getting the addict to say yes to treatment. There’s often a family member who believes that the addict is using drugs to be a dick, or out of spite, or because they are a deadbeat, instead of recognizing that addiction is a disease. Jeff lays the smack down in a way that leads me to believe that he should be leading rhetorical seminars for members of Congress. Brevity, Jeff has it.
If Jeff was my uncle, there would be so much less passive-aggressive behavior in my family, because when someone tried to use guilt to make me do something, Jeff would do this:[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxnDMaSLEgg[/youtube] Dr. Phil wishes he was Jeff, but Jeff would never want to be Dr. Phil because Jeff doesn’t have time for weak metaphors and noise like this:[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uapvKWTd8_o[/youtube] Jeff certainly doesn’t need a studio audience. You can bet your sweet ass that if Jeff VanVonderen had offered his services to Britney, she sure as shit wouldn’t be traipsing around like Medusa in cutoffs.
Jeff himself relapsed last year. He’s human, after all, and more addicts relapse than don’t. But he returned to his work with gusto, taking on Ms. Walking-On-Sunshine herself, Allison, the poor man’s Anne Hathaway who was addicted to huffing computer duster. She’s still clean to this day. Dude. Is. That. Good.
So, yeah, Jeff, you rule. Keep doin’ what you do. And friends, if I ever need an intervention, you know who to call.
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K Best Oliver likes parties and bullshit.
