I was going to write today’s post about this movie called The Book of Zombie and it was going to go on and on and on about how the zombie metaphor is played out and isn’t it cute that these little independent directors are still trying to make viable product based on a film mythology that is 50 years old at this point, and HAHAHAHA it’s awesome because all the zombies are Mormon, so that’s a neat twist. But then, as I wrote the article I realized “No, Kurt. That isn’t a neat twist. Zombies are played out and boring now. Just like your mom.” and then I snickered and ate more Chef Boyardee out of the can.
So I definitely decided not to write the piece about zombies.
I mean seriously, the whole “zombie-is-symbolic-of-society’s-ills” thing is SOOO 1977. And Shaun of the Dead wrote the book on the “zom-com” genre and then ate the book and then when it took a crap a thousand other directors sifted through it’s feces and tried to make more funny zombie movies based on the few tiny undigested pieces of the book. They were not usually successful. Yes, Tokyo Zombie…I’m talking to you. I’m still pissed you made me watch you for an hour and a half. I could have been building a pillow fort and stocking it with delicious bologna sandwiches with that time. My point is, for the most part, zombies, as a genre, are dead. Jesus, I hate myself for writing that. Seriously. Can’t SOMEONE just have an intervention when they know I’m going to make puns like that. I should slip on a banana peel now.
But then I got to thinking, with The Walking Dead premiering on AMC as a running series on Halloween night, and the awesome book World War Z being made into a movie (starring Brad “I-want-to-hate-him-for-being-pretty-but-I-can’t-because-he-makes-great-movies-except-Meet-Joe-Black-which-I-actually-secretly-enjoyed” Pitt), maybe zombies are having a mini-rebirth in the middle of their demise. Maybe they’re coming BACK from the….(*hits self in face with custard pie*)
So this is me writing a whole big article on The Book of Zombie without even talking about it and despite wishing that I hadn’t because at the end of the day, it is not up to me to report the news. It is up to me to write a bunch of bullshit and make fart jokes. And THAT, my friends, is what it’s all about. (*armpit fart*)
Here is the trailer for The Book of Zombie. It’s totally disgusting and the effects are pretty much the worst ever and the zombie makeup looks like it might have if they had zombies in vaudeville, like “Oh yeah. His skin is green. He’s totally a zombie” bad, and all the zombies are Mormon and of course the Christians are the good guys, because heaven knows (*seltzer bottle squirts in face*) Christians are always in the right*. So yeah. It’s gross. Don’t watch it if you can’t stand red, food-coloringed corn-syrup all over everything and violence.
*Sarcasm.
