My Top Ten Television Theme Songs Of The 1980s

I have an awesomely bad habit of belting out television theme songs. Most of the time, it doesn’t harm any innocent bystanders. However, while working on the daily chain gang the other day, a work superior of mine caught me mid song and dance murdering The Golden Girls theme song. Was I embarrassed? Hell to the no. Why? Because that fucking song rocks my face off and the world deserves to hear my angelic voice sing it. Also, I know, deep down in my heart, that Bea Arthur would cherish my tribute to her. After all, we did spend that night in Vegas together. Anyway, that’s besides the point. My point is, television theme songs are like,  totally awesome. Like herpes, the good ones stay with you forever. As soon as those first notes come blaring out of the television, you are instantly transported to a happier, simpler time. For me, that time would be the great 1980′s. My little sister and I would be chilling on my grandparents living room carpet. Each one of us would be decked out in our He-Man and Strawberry Shortcake pajamas, watching the good old boob tube, all while my mother was hard at work. The only worry in the world would be the inevitable argument over what we were going to watch next. Ah, the good old days. So, I invite you to throw some pajamas on, sit back, and relax.  Why? Because shit is about to get real comfy around here.

Like any good top ten list, there must be rules. It’s science. I can’t mess with science. Of course, since this is my top ten list, I made up the rules. Deal with it.

Rule #1 - The song must be an original. No borrowing from The Beatles or Joe Cocker. I’m looking at you, The Wonder Years.

Rule #2 – If the song popped up on a radio station you were listening to, you wouldn’t change the station. In fact, you would turn that bitch up and rock your pants off.

Rule #3 – No instrumentals. Sure, there are plenty of good theme songs out there featuring nothing but soothing instrumentals. But I want some meat and potato type lyrics. From the heart, people! From the heart!

Okay, I am through procrastinating. On with the top ten list!

10. The Facts of Life

9. Family Ties

8. Who’s The Boss?

7. Mr. Belvedere

6. Charles In Charge

5. Perfect Strangers

4. Cheers

3. Growing Pains

2. Gimme A Break

1. The Golden Girls

. . . . .

TJ is absolutely sure he is the fifth Golden Girl.