Top 10 Dirtiest Sexual Innuendos in Children’s Cartoons. [Think of the Chirrens!]

I loved cartoons as a kid, but I will readily admit that (a) I never caught any sexual innuendos and (b) if I did, I would have enjoyed Saturday mornings even more if I knew I was in on the joke.  I had no idea cartoons could be so raunchy.  MEE-YOW!  Behold, the Top 10 of cartoon’s sexual references, bunny cocks, animation erections, Penis Castles, magic carpet rides and SEXSEXSEX, all of which you may never have noticed because you trusted in children’s animation.

PS: If I never see another cartoon genital it will be too soon.  I will have you know that this entire list committed a great deal of hate crimes on my eyes.  I NEED A SHOWER.  Also, a cartoon drawing of a cigarette.

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1.  Aladdin

Aladdin calls on Jasmine to come on a magic carpet ride (no pun intended?) and, under his breath, says “teenagers take off your clothes.”  Disney claims that the script calls for Aladdin to say, “C’mon…good kitty.  Take off and go,” whilst the closed captioning has him saying, “Good kitty.  Take off.”  It’s hard to determine, but listen*takeoffyourclothes* for yourself*takeoffyourclothes*.

2.  The Flintstones

The Flintstones has a pretty obvious dick joke in an episode where Fred and Barney are going to look for a Halloween costume.  When Fred asks Barney what he wants to be, Barney responds that he wanted something that makes him look tall.  Fred replies, “How ’bout another head?” and chortles.  ”Another one,” Barney responds, “What do I need three of them for?”  Heh heh.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yC2D14fBtow&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]

3.  The Little Mermaid

Ah, weddings.  You remember the wedding in The Little Mermaid, dontcha?  Does your memory include the priest’s raging boner at the altar?  That’s a money shot for the wedding photographer, for sure.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InFLnzeQjWw&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]

4.  The Little Mermaid (again!)

Turns out The Little Mermaid was one hell of a raunchy sex tape!  Erections at weddings, a Penis Castle…what’s next, a man boning a fish?  (See also: Splash)

5.  The Rescuers

Disney doesn’t even bother denying the topless woman shown in a scene from The Rescuers – they actually recalled the movie in the 70s because of it.  (Look in the window.)

You can also watch, you perv.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzNXgk5eWGg[/youtube]

6.  The Lion King

The Lion King, one of my very favorites, is also called out for urging sexy times.  Simba, in one scene, flops down on a cliff, sending eddies of dust swirling into the air.  The swirling dust appears to form the letters S-E-X, but Snopes gave it the ol’ “undetermined” stamp.  And the speculation lives on.  (I personally don’t see it, or the alternative theory that it spells “S-F-X” for the special effects company, but whatever.  That’s no fun.)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skD2gyP1cCs[/youtube]

7.  Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

It’s no surprise that Disney’s porniest porntoon ever, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, contains poon shots of Jessica Rabbit, People Magazine’s Sexiest Cartoon Alive ’82.  Remember when Lindsay and Paris and every other whore starlet were showing off their coots but claiming it wasn’t intentional?  Bitches, Jessica Rabbit put the upskirt shot on the map.  Recognize!

8.  Pocahontas

Some of the references are obscure, but the young man who spent a *lot* of time locating sexy subliminal messages in Pokeahontas (PUN) makes a good case for some of them.  There are references that are fairly obvious once it’s pointed out, but there are others that are not so apparent.  I hope this guy got paid for his efforts, because, damn.  By his own estimates, about 20-30% of the messages aren’t intentional, but see for yourself.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZDyL316x0E[/youtube]

9.  Bugs Bunny

Bugs Bunny has something he wants to show you.  An “Angel in Disguise,” if you will, which begs the question of the origin of the phrase, “Fuck like bunnies.”  Bugs Bunnies? We may never know, but we can certainly see his Bugs Bunny Bits in this shower scene that you will want to watch over and over because ohmygodit’sBugsBunny’sdick.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WueCFvlPFAU[/youtube]

10.  Betty Boop

Aaaaand the least surprising of all, Betty Boob.  (Typo, but it stays.)  She has never shown any sign of insecurity about her sexuality, but there was actually one ‘toon that was banned for the not-so-subliminal nudity in the following video, which traces the origins of her sek-shoo-al side.  (Skip to about 2:30, if you’re only interested in the nudity, which, let’s be honest, that’s all you really care about, amirite?)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Doy5q6EUwT0[/youtube]