I could probably kill The Wiggles without flinching. I could kill The Wiggles and justify it with the utilitarian defense that the world will be a better place – more people will be better off – when all the Wiggles are dead.
I know it’s not “right” (ha ha ha ohhhh morality) to want The Wiggles dead. But you do, don’t you? I do. At the very least, I have fantasies about punching them in the face in slow motion. Because I hate them. I hate their fake smiles and all their phony kid music happiness. In fact, I’m going to stop thinking about them now so I don’t flip out and smash my computer. They make me itch for a bar fight.
Here’a the thing, though. When stupid purple animals are singing stupid songs that rise and fall in exaggerated sing-song and you’re digging through the kitchen for a steak knife to jab in your ears, you know what I think? I don’t think the kids are fooled either. They know it sucks. They’re not stupid. When my daughter’s listening to all that LA LA LA LA FUN, you can almost hear her thinking “Man. This is some dumb shit.” And she’s right.
When did we decide that kids music had to be stupid with a side of oblivious optimism? I never got to vote.
Enter Ryan Marshall, the blogging mastermind behind Pacing The Panic Room. Having similar scars on his ears from the steak knives and purple dinosaurs, one day Ryan asked himself an obvious question: Why don’t people make kids music that doesn’t suck? In response, he gathered up some musicians and started to make it happen because that’s what cool people do. The result? Do Fun Stuff.
Do Fun Stuff is a collection of fun musicians and bands who all seem to pull off the challenging feat of making children’s music that isn’t childish. You can order the album from iTunes and you won’t be sorry. In addition to owning a great new album, you’ll also be donating every penny of your purchase to PRISMS to further research for Smith Magenis Syndrome. So there. You’re killing 3 birds with one stone: You’re being charitable, you’re getting a great new album, and you’re voting against inane shit like this…
The Doodlebops are one of the worst things that ever happened to the world. This is not hyperbole. It’s like 1). Eve eating the forbidden fruit. 2). Hitler and 3). The Doodlebops.
The tracks on Do Fun Stuff range from the simplicity of folk music to the defiant twang of indie rock. Five of the 13 tracks are by Rabbit!, a band who’s hard to put your finger on. In a good way. I like Rabbit!. I like the enthusiasm of their exclamation point and the way their music itself SOUNDS like childhood as opposed to being chirpy foolishness about childhood themes. What do I mean? Rabbit! sounds like your memory of hopping on a pogo stick and they sound like that surge when your push foot launches your skateboard down the street. For some reason, I heard Herman’s Hermits in there and the Beatles are present as well. Rabbit! is strange in an interesting way. I imagine that one of the members wears brown cords to all their gigs.
Missing Teeth, a track by Radical Face, sounds like a fond childhood memory occurring in slow motion. What do I mean? BUY THE ALBUM.
You know how sometimes you’ll be minding you own business, thinking about bills or someone you hate, and then BAM, you notice your kid, his or her presence against the background of their impossibility? Yeah? Me too. It’s like they make you choke or gag. You’re all “My God impossible baby. Where did you come from?”. Well Nothing, a track by Steve Foxbury, is the soundtrack of those moments – when your children blow your mind and stop you dead in your tracks. This is the song about that.
I loved Imagination by RickoLus because, thematically, it’s what I’m all about. But also there’s simply this: “You could be cat. You could be a bird. You could be a dragon or a funny word. You could be a crane. You could be a box. You could be a robot or Goldilocks.” Again, I loved this song. I’m with you RickoLus, but… a box? I want to meet the little kid who wants to be a box and then watch him act like one. Maybe me and RickoLus could smoke a joint and say things like “Dude. Little kid over there thinks he’s a box.” [high laughter and so on]
Just to prove I’m not merely a “Yes” man for my buddy, Ryan, I want to quickly note here that Potty Time by Cracker Jackson annoyed the hell out me. It’s a rap. About pooping. And, hell, maybe it was good and I’m too prissy. Nonetheless, the song gets the no no no face from me every single time and I gave it 5 cracks, just to be fair.
But I’ll tell you a singular reason to go out and buy Do Fun Stuff right now, go, immediately. One word: Scampi.
Um. I’m trying to not let my feelings get in the way of my cooly detached assessment of this song but there’s the dress and the hair and the voice and the little ukulele and, fuck it, I love Scampi. This is my favorite track on a record filled with great tracks. Mission accomplished. A record for kids that parents will love too and, of course, Scampi.
Go to iTunes and order today.