Top Chef Recap: Top Chef DC, Gastro-nauts

And then there were five.

AND THEY GOT TO SERVE BUZZ ALDRIN.

I’m jumping the gun, I know. Let us start at the beginning.

Quickfire Challenge

Padma just happened by on her way to sing the role of Cherubino.

Hey Look! It is Dana Cowin again. You remember her, right? She is the Editor-in-Chief of “Food and Wine Magazine” the best non-sports magazine in the world. Sure, that is only my opinion, but this is my post.

It is a pairing challenge. The five remaining chefs must choose a wine and create a dish that will pair well with it in 45 minutes.

I mean, it can pair well with the dish whenever, they just have to cook it in 45 minutes.

I am trying to keep this short and sweet today so I will just say that Angelo wins and so he gets a free trip to London.

*scowls*

I knew I should have been really good at something. Hmph.

Intermezzo

This year Top Chef is kicking it up a notch. The Top four Chef DC chefs are going international for the finals. So where are they going?

Let’s see. I’m thinking D.C. and fancy food. France? Italy? Japan?

Oh, of course.

Singapore.

That makes perfect sense.

Elimination Challenge

Look at me being brief! You might actually be able to read this one in three minutes!

Our chefs get to go to Goddard Space Center. NASA bitches.

Kelly is giddy. She refers to herself as a space nerd. Fun fact: Kelly went to space camp.

So there is that.

At NASA the cheftestants (I still hate the word, I just don’t know what the hell else to call them) are challenged to create a dish that is “out of this world”. They totally have to design a zero gravity meal.

The winner’s food goes in to space with the astronauts.

I don’t mean to sound cynical, but that means like what – 8 people will get to eat this meal?

The winner also gets a car, so that is pretty cool.

The chefs are cooking for a table of eight people including judges, NASA scientists (which Tom pronounces as if they were chemists from the capital of The Bahamas) and astronauts.

Nassau Scientist? I think this guy is a Nassau marine biologist.

Oh! This is where Buzz Aldrin joins the mix. Aldrin is one of the eight and much as I love Anthony Bourdain and Eric Ripert, Buzz Aldrin is going to be the coolest guy in that dining room.

What. Have YOU walked on the moon? No. I didn’t think so.

Sit down Armstrong. I wasn’t talking to you.

A lady named Vickie Kloeris is introduced. She is actually in charge of the food for the astronauts. Kloeris is the Head Food Scientist at NASA.

Can you imagine telling people that your job at NASA is a food scientist? I wonder how many people start laughing before they realize that she is serious.

Ms. Kloeris has some advice for zero gravity cooking.

Well, let’s be honest. This is really about foods that can be freeze-dried. Vickie tells them these things:

• High levels of sugar don’t freeze dry well.
• Large pieces of food don’t freeze dry well.
• Astronauts like spicy food.

Those are the only guidelines for space food? It is more difficult to plan a meal that both of my children will actually eat. Basically you can eat anything in space that will rehydrate.

Tiffany is going to make mussels and so she puts them in the freezer so that they will be cold. Angelo is going with short ribs, Ed is doing lamb, Kelly will be making halibut and Kevin has decided to make a steak.

Everyone is cooking right along, when OH NO! Tiffany’s mussels froze! She can’t use them.

This blows.

I feel the same way, Mattin.

Our chefs serve the astro-men and women.

During dinner I’m pretty sure the Anthony Bourdain is trying to pick a fight with Eric Ripert. I’m not sure why he would do that, but when ever Ripert criticizes a dish Bourdain has a pointed retort.

I’m not saying that I don’t think Tony could take him. I’m guessing that Bourdain has at least eight or nine inches on Ripert.

Get your filthy minds out of the gutter. I mean Anthony Bourdain is a very tall man and Eric Ripert is not.

All that being said, Eric Ripert is a badass and I don’t think Bourdain should keep messing with him.

I only have one more thing to say about the eating part and then we will move on. ANGELO INCLUDED A PEA PUREE ON HIS PLATE. First of all, what a dick. Haven’t we seen enough pea puree this season to last us a life time? Or is pea puree the new pomegranate? The trendiest ingredient of the year? Second of all, freeze dried pea puree sounds ill.

Incidentally, I’m getting sick of these Toyota Sienna commercial. I drive a mini-van and I’m fine with it. At first I thought the ads were clever but the more I see them the more it seems like they are making fun of moms – like we are all deluded into thinking that we defy stereotypes and we think we are hot, but we are just stupid. You know what? Screw you Toyota! I’ll buy another Honda. Take that!

*looks around for medicine that she forgot to take*

Judges Table

Back at the judges table everyone is called in. The judges loved everyone. Compliments abound.

Tom says that the difference between the winner and the loser was very small.

Everything is going along very nicely until Angelo says that he feels like he made love to his short ribs.

Ew. Then Angelo went on about glazing his ribs and glazing them again, and my inner 12 year old boy went crazy.  12 hours later he is still laughing.

He is so immature.

In the end (omigod, I just said in the end) Angelo and his smug little face won the challenge and Tiffany is going home.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I love her! Now who the hell am I going to root for?

Survey Results – GlowDay.com

Whatever. I’m depressed.

Stay tuned. I got to interview Kevin Gillespie from Top Chef Season 6. You remember Kevin. He was my favorite. I’ll post it tomorrow. He was lovely – seriously, just as awesome as you would think. Sadly, I’m still kind of a dork.
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Goon Squad Sarah is not going to Singapore.