I love Halloween candy. In fact, I live on it most of the year. Being chockfull of delicious preservatives and inorganic food coloring means it lasts and lasts. It gets cheaper right after the holiday and you can stock up and store in your terrorism bomb shelter right next to the batteries, ham radio, water, and canned goods.
In honor of the impending Feast of Plenty, here are a list of some Halloween Candy Dos and Don’ts:
DO: Everyone loves candy corn. If they don’t love candy corn that just means more for you.
DON’T. As in: Don’t share! Let the baby get its own candy. Sheesh, do you have to do everything?
DO: Buy an assortment. A varied diet is a nutritious diet.
DON’T: Do you like having pennies thrown at you? Give the people what they want: CANDY.
DO: Remember to eat the occasional piece of [forbidden] fruit. Plus, it’s almost like dating Robert Pattinson.
DON’T: Teaching children to beg is wrong. Think of the children and don’t share. It takes a village!
Have your own Halloween candy dos and don’ts? Tell us in the comments.