Why Calvin Klein’s Newest Ad Campaign Offends My Delicate Victorian Sensibilities

10/05/2010 by Avitable

Many of you may have seen the provocative new ads from Calvin Klein. Promoting their “X” line of men’s underwear, it features fit young men telling you that they know exactly how much you want to fuck them. Watch below:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEtmQIRTYlk[/youtube]

It’s not just the TV commercials, either. I’m also offended by the print advertisements they post:

I find this to be despicable. Offensive. Horrifying. And worse than anything else, misleading. I think that Senor Klein and his ilk are misleading the public with these ads. Because, yes, when you see these models strutting around with their sultry lips and six-pack abs, of course you want to fuck them. I’m a straight man, and I want to fuck them. Yes, you want to see why X marks the spot. Who wouldn’t?

The problem is, however, that the people who are going to wear these sexy, form fitting underwear don’t look like that. Maybe one out of a million American males are going to have the same allure and appeal as that black guy who played Eggs Benedict on True Blood. The rest? Are all going to look like me.

And that’s why I’m starting a petition to demand that Calvin Klein change their ads to something more realistic. Something that won’t lie to the American people. Something . . . like this:

Who’s with me?

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About Avitable

Adam Heath Avitable, aka Avitable, is a humorist, nudist, satirist, misandrist, elitist, and cunning linguist who likes to drink martinis with a twist. When he's not terrifying the world with testicular photography over at Avitable.com, he wastes his law degree by running a business, doing stand-up comedy, and offering free mammograms out of the back of a van. An honorary vagina has been bestowed upon him by the Womens of Teh Internet, and not only because he cries at episodes of Glee and gets his eyebrows waxed monthly.

Filed Under: Advertising, Boys!! Squee!, Eye Candy, Guest Authors, Pop Culture, Print, Teh Sex, TV, Video, WTF? Tagged With: Advertising, Calvin Klein, clothing, eye candy, male, men, sex, sex sells, underwear models

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http://www.thiswomanswork.com Dawn
Ha! Love this — Dove ads for men! Also, for the record? I do not care for the whole way waxed and way worked-out 6-pack abs look. It’s the male equivalent of Pamela Anderson Lee and just like lots of men don’t put Pamela Anderson Lee at the top of their f*ck lists, so lots of women do not put over-sculpted, overly-manicured men at the top of theirs. Please note: DON DRAPER HAS CHEST HAIR.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
If only I had the body of Don Draper.

http://craftastrophe.net Karen Sugarpants
Is the video the real ad? That’s a lot of swearing – do they only play it during late prime time? Because I’m not gonna lie – I don’t want my kids seeing that. Brutal.
I like your stance on the matter too. :)

http://table4five.net Elizabeth @ Table for Five
I was wondering the same thing. There’s no way that could have aired during prime time or on any regular network. Is it a SNL parody?
http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I’ve seen it in movie theaters before an R-rated movie played.

Jenny, Crash Test Mommy
Am I allowed to ask if Avitable’s package has been surgically enhanced? Or retouched? Thanks in advance.

http://raisingzoeyjane.com Zoeyjane
Thank you for asserting you’d looked before I did.
http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I would like to thank my friend Sock for helping me out down there. And his friend, Other Sock.

G.G.R
WORD! I want see real men, just as much as I want to see real women.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I wouldn’t mind looking like those fake men, personally.

Finn
I have to admit that I linger a bit longer in front of the Abercrombie & Fitch than absolutely necessary and it ain’t just because of that delicious smell that wafts out of the door.
But.
Real men are sexy. Just cuz you’re pretty doesn’t mean you’re sexy.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Are you saying I’m not pretty?

http://www.worthpursuing.com angi
Dude, you make that look good.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Or I make it look horrifying and quite ill-fitting. Whichever.

http://www.outnumberedonline.com Out-Numbered
Holy mother of Mary.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I’m used to people calling me Jesus instead.

http://lesombre.ca/ LeSombre
Those pictures of you are a little weird.
I guess I’m too used to see pictures of you with a t-shirt and without underwear.
Well done! ;-)

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I can send you private photos like that if you’d like. For a premium.

http://draftdaysuit.com Sarah
You could be one of those guys, but you don’t really swear enough.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Or have a six-pack. And triceps.

http://www.fathermuskrat.com muskrat
Are you selling posters of yourself in X underbritches that are 3 stories high? Because I need one.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I’ll make one just for you.

http://fearandparenting.com Nancy [Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas]
You’re hotter. Just sayin’.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Well I was sweating ridiculously.

http://sybillaw-sybilcrankypants.blogspot.com/ Sybil Law
The other models would be sexier if they just STFU.
Therefore, you win.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Win by default, I see. :)

http://www.thepalinode.com palinode
I needed some Avitable wallpaper for my bedroom. Just to lure the ladies over.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
LL Cool A.
Ladies Love Cool Avitable.

http://table4five.net Elizabeth @ Table for Five
LL Cool A is totally your new nickname.

http://table4five.net Elizabeth @ Table for Five
I love you, Adam.
The guy who played Eggs on True Blood was good looking, but I’d much rather see Alcide in his Calvin Klein undies :P

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Alcide was also the goofy friend from How I Met Your Mother!

Janer
Those models could be just as sexy as you, but I’m with Sybil Law in that they need to STFU.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I’d talk a lot if I looked like that, too.

http://www.midnightcliff.com hello haha narf
you have just made my day. i would much rather look at a man who looks like you. all day long.
consider this post bookmarked.
and i will need to have those photos emailed to me. dont ask questions, just do it.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Ask your cousin – she already has them.

http://www.jurgennation.com Jurgen Nation
Avitable, to use the words of a poet more lyrical and talented than Shakespeare (Mr. Rod Stewart), have I told you lately that I love you? Because I do. You’re my heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeero.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I can’t be responsible for your low standards for heroes!

http://www.novarella.blogspot.com nova
Yeah…exactly the same argument women have been making for a bazillion years. Now men are being subjected to the same unrealistic body image standards. It IS offensive and NOBODY looks like those retouched models.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Even I’m retouched!

http://www.stimeyland.com Stimey
Dude. Much respect. Also? Badass.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
More of a flatass!

http://piecesofamber.wordpress.com Snarky Amber
Best. Guest. Post. Ever.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Thanks! I’d certainly say that it’s the best one on this site ever featuring a fat guy in his underwear.

http://www.mommycosm.com Kim- Mommycosm
Adam – you rock for putting it all out there!
And, Jenny Crash Test Mommy, if you check out his blog… his hilarious cartoons would lead one to believe that his package is SO NOT enhanced. Just saying.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Oh, this is SO enhanced, thanks to a pair of socks. The briefs are a little too see-through for a PG-13 post!

http://metrodad.typepad.com MetroDad
Damn you, Adam. My eyes are BURNING!

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Yes, but your penis is erect, so it’s win-win.

http://room704.us VDog
Brilliant.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I think you mean “flabulous”.

http://txtingmrdarcy.wordpress.com Txtingmrdarcy
Seriously. America is tired of the pretty boys. Real men are where it’s at.
(I friggin LOVE the second set of pics. I also vote for poster distribution)

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I can sell them to the right bidder.

http://toywithme.com toywithme
I have to admit I might have drooled a little on my keyboard. It’s like a car accident, hard to look away even if you want to. Much better without the volume though.
P.S. I like your ‘socks’

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I imagine the drool stopped once you scrolled down far enough!

http://toywithme.com toywithme
Actually, that’s when it started ;)

http://www.jurgennation.com Jurgen Nation
Is it so wrong that I keep coming back here to view the proposed add-vertiss-mints? Will you be distributing them? Can you make this your masthead? Can I make it my computer’s wallpaper?
So many questions. I *cough* like your socks.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I can send you an autographed one.

http://www.grumblegirl.com/ Grumble Girl
I love you MOAR every damned day…

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I’m lovable like a big squishy teddy bear!

http://poppycede.com Poppy
Six packs aren’t my style. :)

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Mine either!

http://beearl.blogspot.com B.E. Earl
Nice oil can in your manties, bub.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Pair of socks, actually.

http://www.dutchblitz.net/ Angella
Dude. DUDE. DUUUUUUUUDE.
LIKE BUTTON.
How you’re not a regular contributor here is a mystery to me.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Glad you liked it. And maybe I’ll be a contributor here, someday. I certainly watch enough pop culture!

jen
This was cute, well Avitable’s part was. Those other dudes lose MAJOR points with me for being major sewer-mouthed, full of themselves, a-holes. But Avitable even got their poses down pat, very cool! And that’s being real, heres to being real.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Well, to be fair, I’m also extremely sewer-mouthed AND egotistical.

http://miksplace.wordpress.com Mik
Well, the wife walked in while I was looking at your ads, she promptly walked out with a weird look on her face muttering something about she was sure I am gay!
WTF?
You certainly look sexy and your look is more attainable than those 6 pick ab dudes.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Doesn’t she know by now about our man love?

http://corrinreneee.com Corrin
When does your calendar come out?

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
2048.

http://angryjuliemonday.com Julie {Angry Julie Monday}
Awesome post, yet again. Adam keeps me laughing for days. I love his version of the posters. And seriously, never ever seen this commercial. Where have I been?

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
They might limit it to late night cable and before R-rated movies.

http://amandainreallife.blogspot.com Amanda
I could never be with one of the models, I’d never be able to eat. Or take my shirt off. That’s never been my kind of guy.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
So you’re saying you’ll take your shirt off for me?

Marie
Now you know how real women feel when they see Victoria’s Secret ads on tv. Or models who are a size 0 and eat one lettuce leaf per day. Women have had to put up with this for years. TV, movies, magazines, all of them are guilty.
But I agree with you. That is not real life nor have I ever met any men who looked like that. Well maybe when I was 16! hmmmmmmmm….Nope, not even then.
Most men I know look like you. And I happen to prefer the Grizzly Adams type!! ;)
Hugs
Marie
p.s. I didn’t read any of the comments yet – will save that till morning. Sorry if I repeated what others have said.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Well, to be frank, this ad doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Any woman who thinks a man like that is better than someone like me isn’t worth my time anyway.

http://burnedbutawesome.wordpress.com The Demigod
So many sleepless nights, not enough Crisco. ROFL

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Rawr.

http://www.gliks.blogspot.com Karen MEG
Sizzle…that “come hither” look suits you.
I’m at a loss for any other words.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I’m glad to see that my rotund hairy nudity rendered you speechless!

http://themegalomaniacmommy.com Annie Y
Adam,
I’d shag you!
(My husband is not to happy that I just said that!)

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I’m such a homewrecker.

http://www.mommaruthsays.com mommaruthsays
YES. YES. YES.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
Was it good for you?

http://www.mommaruthsays.com mommaruthsays
It only keeps getting betters.

http://mapsgirl.blogspot.com mapsgirl
Way to go Adam! You show them CK folks what real men are like! I like my men to have some meat on their bones.

http://www.avitable.com Avitable
I’m waiting for the call from them asking me to be their next model any minute now.

http://thepsychobabble.net thepsychobabble
I have clearly been avitaballed too many times, because the undies didn’t even phase me.
http://asouthernfairytale.com Rachel ~ A Southern Fairytale
The amount of happy this made me, ridiculous.
That ad actually nauseates me (the CK one, not yours) tack-ay ;-) but, that’s just me and my southern victorian sensibilities.
Adam, you make the internet a better place. xo
Pingback: ThePsychobabble.net » Blog Archive » Things to Fill the Weekend
Emillea
Totally agree.
But I do find it odd that no one has a problem with women in such ads, or at least less of a problem.
I am a proud 18 year old with a size 12-14 body I love, but if I put on anything from Victoria’s Secret for a commercial, people wouldn’t praise the company, they’d ask where the hot girls have gone.
http://www.tungsten-carbide.info Tungsten Carbide :
mens underweare should be as comfortable as possible because men always engages in a lot of physical work~,’

Why Calvin Klein’s Newest Ad Campaign Offends My Delicate Victorian Sensibilities

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