I’m not here to judge. I’m merely here to point out that perhaps some cartoons aren’t bad, they’re just drawn that way. That cartoons aren’t just for kids. In fact sometimes they’re not for kids at all. I’m just saying. Do what you will with this list – I just make it, after that, it’s out of my hands.
Top 10 Cartoon Characters Who I’d Feel More Comfortable Oogling If They Were Real People (in no particular order) are:
THE WOMEN
Jessica Rabbit – Who Framed Roger Rabbit
No brainer. Jessica Rabbit is and always will be the standard by which all sexy cartoon characters are measured. Legs to her armpits, bee-stung lips, and a rack you could rest your drink on, she’s slinks her way into the “hearts” and minds of any man in the room.
Velma, not Daphne – Scooby Doo
Being a bit of a bespectacled nerd myself, I relate more to Velma. Sure, Daphne had the blonde, perfect hair, thin waist, and coy smile, but Velma had the brains and the knee-highs. Brains trumps blonde any day.
Turanga Leela – Futurama
Power is sexy. Leela is the captain of the Planet Express Ship, proving herself to be a skilled officer and often rescuing her less-talented coworkers from peril. It also helps that she’s drawn with a bangin’ figure and form-hugging clothes to show it off.
Princess Jasmine – Aladdin
This little spitfire’s got attitude. She’s feisty and strong and the most popular non-white Disney Princess, which gets her bonus points for originality. She’s a bit thin, but what am I? Her mother? We know she eats because she almost got her hand cut off for stealing an apple. I digress. She’s pretty and her sass gives her appeal.
Betty Boop – uh…whatever it is Betty Boop is from
Probably the sluttiest ‘toon on the list, Ms. Boop never met a skirt she thought was too short. She believes strongly in the freedom to air as much cleavage as you can spare and that garter belts are pants.
***
THE MEN
Philip J. Fry – Futurama
The Every Guy. There’s nothing remarkable about him and that’s the appeal. He’s the perpetual underdog – simple, sweet, naive, and he never gets his girl – and that’s what we love. His cute hair and James Dean outfit helps, too.
Prince Eric – The Little Mermaid
He nearly drowns trying to save his dog. ENOUGH SAID. He’s tall, dark and handsome, blah blah blah, he saved his dog. Oh, and he doesn’t have any unnecessary chest hair, which is earns him ten gold stars.
Ned Flanders – The Simpsons
Ok, so I’m not usually into the religiously fanatical, except, well…
Shirtless Ned is alright by me. He’s also got that widower thing that women love. Wait, no, we don’t love dead wives, but there’s something about a man with a painful past that we like to nurture. Even Homer would agree.
Hiccup – How To Train Your Dragon
Our hero. The Dragon Whisperer. He’s the opposite of everything he’s supposed to be, but that makes him exactly what he should be. Witty, awkward, intelligent, sensitive. Just like his voicer, Jay Baruchel, he’s so dorky, it works. In the end, he saves the day and gets the girl and his Beiber hair doesn’t look douchey.
Flynn Rider – Tangled
Alright, fine. So this movie hasn’t even come out yet. Not until November 24th. And sure, that would mean I know literally nothing about Flynn other than what he looks like and the fact that he’s voiced by Zachary Levi. LUCKILY THAT’S PLENTY. What more do you need when making a Sexiest Cartoons list? This isn’t a science, people.
And look! They made him look just like Zachary because why not.
***
I realize I’m treading into Weird Territory here, but who are your favourite cartoon characters? And I’m not talking about Pinky and the Brain, here. Like those up there. You know. The sexy ones. Like I said, we’re not here to judge.
Oh, and pro tip – be very, very careful in your word selection when searching for pictures of cartoon characters. Because if it exists, someone has made porn out of it.
About Jen O.
