I won’t even lie. I have a THING about cooking shows. Especially baking shows, because I only baked one thing in my life, and I was 13, and my friend Elana and I put so much Kahlua in the cake that it would have gotten Benny Hill drunk. So yes, I’m not exactly a ‘cook’ persay. I utilize the microwave a LOT. But there are two shows on television right now that I never miss, and both of them are dedicated to baking. And neither of them include upending a bottle of Kahlua into a cake batter. What I’m talking about is Ace of Cakes and The Cake Boss. And I’m addicted to both of them.
A simple who’s who can draw the spectrum between the two shows. Ace of Cakes, as run by Duff Goldman, is a Baltimore legend, the people who brought cakes to the forefront of TV cooking, HELL! The outfit that brought the legendary cake to Sparklecorn 2010. But regardless of that, Ace of Cakes is a fantastic show, with super cool, incredibly chill employees who all happen to be adorable as all get out, who put out a spectacular product, no matter what the time constraint. I am not saying that the bakers and decorators might indulge in something that might ‘take the edge off’ sometimes, and I am not one to judge at ALL, but on television they seem terribly pleasant, nice people who do fine work, and whom I would love to work with (MARY ALICE! CALL ME!) But I digress.
On the other hand we have Cake Boss, based on a bakery here in my hometown of New Jersey, wherein Buddy (HEY-HO!) and his merry band of thugs (HEY-HO!) have a frantic kitchen full of yelling and throwing and preposterousness that somehow results in cakes and pastries. Listen, I’m not putting them down. Good lordy knows I can’t bake a Hot Pocket, so they get my respect anyway, AND they’re on my home turf, which always helps with brownie (see what I did there?) points.
The battle must consist of the product, and that’s where we run into some problems. Does this writer side with Charm City Cakes, who provided the most amazing Sparklecorn cake ever? Or does the writer side with her hometown boys? Listen, man. I live in New Jersey. You can find yourself with cement shoes at the snap of your fingers. You understand my concern. So let’s go point by point.
CHARM CITY: Delightful (ALLEGED) stoners and hipsters
CARLO’S: Loud, angry Hoboken types.
CHARM CITY: Brilliant, precise cakes of impeccable quality
CARLO’S: Lovely, smart cakes of great quality
CHARM CITY: Just got canceled from Food Network
CARLO’S: Up for indefinite renewals from TLC
Well damn. It seems as though Carlo’s has the advantage, I mean, those dudes could beat the snot out of the dudes at Charm City, mostly because there’s no way in hell the lovelies at Charm City would raise a fist. Not the Carlo’s is prone to violence, it’s just that I’ve lived in NJ my whole life, and I’m not putting anything past them. I guess in a fight to the death, it’s gotta be The Cake Boss.
This conclusion makes a distinguished journalist only come to one resolution. The proof is in the cake. And as unfair and pitiful as it may seem, I have tasted one cake from one bakery, and that, my friends is the winner.
CHARM CITY CAKES WINS.
Please, Carlo’s Bakery. I hold no ill will against you. Please do not come kill me in my sleep.
About Miss Banshee
