It’s been eons since someone got frisky up in here, and narratively daydreamed of Yangs sweet scrub-laden patootie. Too bad she quit being a doctor and all.
This week, Grey’s was all about relationships. I know. Completely different from all of the other weeks, but this one came with a twist of rancid lemon.
We open with Meredith questioning Derek’s fishing trip. It seems he’s made plans with Yang to sit in a boat and try to catch fish on rods designed to catch them. Sure, this is because Derek’s a really really nice guy, and Yang is like, three caramilks short of a diabetic coma, but it’s Owen in the background – he doesn’t want to leave her alone.
Probably because the last time he did, she became a bartender, got drunk, got fire, continued drinking, gave a guy a semi while lazily lap dancing him in a poor Girls Gone Wild imitation of undulation, and promptly started puking her guts out after Owen carried her home on his burly shoulder.
Maybe I’m just making assumptions.
Point is, Yang is broken. And Meridang is broken too, because of the whole Yang blaming Mer for saving her husband’s life scene. Also, Yang is like, totally incapable of doing much that requires forethought, afterthought, or causes her to step away from a near-constant state of frenetic activity.
Kind of like that kid you knew in college who did too much E. But! With with existential woe!
Of course, there’s mandatory nakedness for Callie and Mark, because what reconverted straight woman, who uses her best friend like a bedside pogostick wouldn’t shower with him, too? Mark makes the mistake of suggesting a power shower and that leads to a frank discussion that doing Mark makes Callie miss her little Arizona, who’s way far away in Africa, selfishly saving the childrens. The first best quote is bounced from her water-logged lips, “sex with you makes me sad.”
Burn.
So Mark reciprocates by telling Cally that he thinks about Lexie when they’re getting down. MISTAKE TO THE HIGHEST POWER. His shower privileges are revoked.
While in a surgery with the Chief, Bailey announces while pulling a person’s gallbladder out of their mouth that whoever can win a contest to eliminate fistulas in post-op patients will also get to pull a gallbladder out of some one’s mouth. Lexie compares this to wanting a pony, and the race is afoot.
Trauma comes in – a newlywed couple who happened to fall off a mountain while some 3rd party was taking photographic evidence of their happiness. Just goes to show – don’t get cocky about love, peoples. The wife lands actually on her husband, and manages to only tear her ear up. Her husband has massive internal bleeding with a distended – that’s doctor-speak for standing out weird and unnaturally-like – abdomen. When he’s rushed to the OR, Owen busts out the next awesome quote, “I hope no one’s wearing new shoes,” and spurting and general not-good-blood-letting follows.
Back to the fishing trip, we find out that Yang’s still crazy and type A and has totally researched fishing. She tells Derek all about his business and he’s all I knew I would regret this but I could never say that out loud because I’m a nice dude with awesome hair.
Teddy, in the throws of her I-Failed-Yang depression, fixates on an uninsured (hawt) dying patient. This is totally going somewhere, but we don’t know where, yet.
Back to the wife. Mark’s bedside manner at her bedside is totally perfect and he gets her talking about how her husband and her came to be married, falling off of mountains together. It was at work, and it was totally not cool for employees to date, so she kept turning down his dates. Until one day at a company thing, he kissed her and despite the potential thought of, like hey, this asshole’s gonna get me fired and it’s pretty date-rape-alertish that he just laid one on me, she thought, “I need to find a new job cuz he’s a really good kisser.”
Aw.
Too bad the husband’s on Owen’s table, basically dying in a completely predictable fashion. When Owen gets phased because this is like, a lethal injury and he’s only a doctor, dammit, Grey yells at him to try to figure out his plan. He gets his ass in gear and talks down to her, like the whiny sycophant she is and the arrogant Yang-fucker that he is. Point: Grey’s bringing their bidness into the OR and he will not stand for it.
Fishing. Yang is still talking. Derek still wants her to shut it.
Teddy is diving further into dying-man’s files and asks the Chief if they can ProBono his diseased ass. They Chief’s totally authoritative with his I wish I could but my hands are tieds, until Teddy busts out the ultimate I-failed-Yang performance. Of this week. The Chief crumbles, like the big, old softy his sober self has become and he says he’ll talk to the review bored.
Which is kind of like when I tell my kid maybe about something, when I really mean no way in hell, but I’m totally not prepared to fight about it.
We get to see what the interns are up to, and that this nurse has been giving Lexie all kinds of grief – first by not getting a fluid sample, and now by having the patient’s tube removed even though it’s only the third day post-op. Lexi’s in a tizzy because she totally needs that tube back in. So she can test the fluids. So she can win the honor of pulling a gallbladder out of some one’s mouth away from her two competitors, the annoying virgin who got a pony when she wanted it, and McPretty Eyes, who’s making his patient do laps around the recovery floor.
Lexie’s so adamant that the feisty male nurse SERVES her with the much-anticipated you’re a resident, but I’ve been here for 12 years, baby speech and tells her the patient’s off-limits. So, she turns to Mr. Pogo Stick who has recently told her that he misses her. He bribes her into going out with him, if he tries to work things out with the bitchy male nurse.
Chivalry is not dead AT ALL.
Mark, in fact, also bribes the nurse with Seahawks tickets. With. Parking. But only if he’ll pretend that they’re having a real talk, while Lexie watches from the other side of the plexiglass. Nothing’s resolved and Mark’s all I’ll see you tonight, Lexie.
Owen kicks Grey out of his OR because she didn’t follow his directions. But she was so confident in her abilities! And it was so unfair! So she called Derek, and demanded to speak to Yang so everything would get tied up nicely by the end of the show. Derek totally screws her over by pretending she’s another doctor and basically hanging up on her, but Yang knew who was blowing up his telephone.
Which makes it the perfect time for her to catch the first (and only) fish of the day. She’s so damn excited.
Alex, after acing working with Callie on the case of an ornery old people, half of which needed a hip-replacement, gets offered the special right to be Callie’s 2nd line. She’s gonna mentor the crap out of him, because SHE’S AWESOME. He’s in, quicker than he was for most of the nurses in the first season.
Back to the Yang triangle of love doom-show: Grey and Owen are duking it out, I-love-her-more styles when she drops the no one knows what she’s going to do, but I know Christina and she needs to work. And Owen’s all Dude. She’s not you.
Life-changing moment, right there.
Bailey goes to yell at the bitchy male nurse, but his bravado lets out the secret that HIS patients have a way lower rate of fistulas than others. Searching through the case files, Bailey figures out something important and goes running from the room like a leprechaun, arms full with a smattering of paperwork, yelling “Three days!”
She busts in on the review board, who are so not helping dying hawt uninsured guy out – they want to discharge him, but give him a medical bracelet – and she’s all sorry to interrupt, but I’m the person who is going to cure fistulas.
And then my head exploded from the repetition of the word ‘fistulas’.
Turns out, Yang’s fish is a 28 pounder and that’s some sort of record, so Yang gets handed the fish and ready to pose for a commemorative photo. This is when YANG GETS FEELINGS and feels them and they start running down her face and you can tell where the director has quoted some sort of existential reward scene from Eat, Pray Love’s past, because Yang is Just. That. Happy. While. Crying.
Derek makes the photog take her photo while she’s face-up to the sky, revelling in the tears running down her face.
Some opportunity comes up with the dick pedi doctor, so Alex bails on Callie. Yeah. Never saw that coming.
When the Chief discharges uninsured dying guy, he makes sure he’s loaded with sample drugs and his business card. Teddy comes in and is so apologetic, but the dying guy’s pretty gracious so it’s easy for her to walk away. Or is it.
She comes back, sits down and proposes. Because she has wicked medical insurance.
That bitchy nurse asked out Bailey and Bailey was flustered but then, “Fine. Because you gave me Day 3.” Sounds like a post-date medication to me, but hey, whatevs, I’m not judgin’.
At the pub, Mark’s nursing some amber liquid we can only assume is supposed to be scotch, and he’s mulling things over, like me with strong square jaw-lines are wont to do. Lexie comes in and starts right away with the logic of why it’ll never work, but Mark won’t hear another word and plants one on her. Pow. Right in the kisser.
Jackson comes in and says Bailey needs them back, but she’s drunk on McSteamy and waves off work, getting right back to liplock heaven.
A knock at the door makes Callie stop doing the dishes cuz she thinks it’s her personal pogo stick and he’s forgotten his keys but OH NO.
Arizona’s standing there, crying already, just a girl standing in front of another girl, having left a whole bunch of sick kids in the lurch in Africa, asking her to love her. She finishes off her speech with, “you look really pretty” and then Callie stares for all of two seconds.
Then she shuts the damn door. End scene.
No Ryan Reynolds this week kids. He’s busy, wearing shirts somewhere. As a tradesy, I give you Jesse Williams, Mr. McPretty, who could be wearing a sucky sweater, advertising a man on horses with automatic assault weapons. Or you could go the way of the optimist and realize that from far enough away, he’s totally wearing a unicorn sweater.
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