Ho Ho Ho From the Real Housewives

The Real Housewives were all over the gossip blogs this week because it’s the holidays so all the legit celebs are mindin’ their bidness, giving all the famewhores a chance to catfight over the spotlight. Because I know you guys are all busy hiding from your in-laws and downing shots of peppermint schnapps while Grandma isn’t looking, I decided to round up all the news about your favorite wackadoos in one place so you can get back to conquering Angry Birds or whatever.

Sidenote: All you hens clucking about Angry Birds on Twitter are to blame if I fail my J-Term class because now I’m addicted.

Anyway, shall we?

Our favorite PROSTITUTIONWHORE, Danielle Staub, announced she’s releasing an entire album of party music. What kind of party music? Like, Sweet Sixteen party music? Or Botox party music? My ears are prematurely bleeding. She also announced via Twitter, that her former Real Housewives of New Jersey castmates should quit being “mean girls“. Move on, sweetie. Your bitter is showing.
In other NJ news, Caroline Manzo’s sons, Albie and Christopher, have allegedly been approached to do their own reality show about their lives as bachelors in Hoboken. That sounds like exactly what reality television needs: two bachelors in Hoboken playing the sausage ham game. Snooze. Make some YouTube videos and be done with it. Nobody wants this.
Teresa Giudice didn’t flip a table, but she did try to get in a screaming match in a New Jersey courtroom last week. Apparently, her shady-ass husband, Juicy Joe, is being sued for fraud by a former partner. Giudice went after said partner’s lawyer’s wife (got that?) on a court break, screaming at her to “stop telling people [her] business”. The woman didn’t respond other than to tell Puffy Chucky to “talk to [her] lawyer” and to tell Puffy Chucky that she was a bully. YES! Can we get this woman on the show, please! Luckily for Giudice, she herself was not held liable in the fraud case because Juicy Joe forged her signature on some documents. Good god, this lady makes My Cousin Vinny look like a Supreme Court trial run by Miss Manners.
While former Real Housewives of New York star Bethenny Frankel didn’t win the craptastic Skating With The Stars, her replacement on the show was announced. Bravo confirmed that Cindy Barshop, founder of a chain of day spas called Completely Bare (they focus on laser hair removal and waxing, natch) will join the cast of the upcoming RHONY season. Barshop is already friends with Ramona Singer and is the mother of twin daughters.
One of my new favorite delusional people, Camille Grammer, and her soon-to-be ex-husband, Kelsey “Frasier” Grammer, took the nasty bits of their breakup to the media, and it’s not pretty. Kelsey is marrying a 29-year old flight attendant. Fucking cliche. Kelsey filed legal documents to protect his various pension accounts from Camille; Camille told EXTRA that she still loves Kelsey and that they aren’t really communicating except via e-mail and through lawyers. Burn. Methinks both fools need to remember they have children and the internet is forever.
And, just to prove that I’m not a total scrooge, I’m including this awesome Real Housewives of Beverly Hills comic from But You’re Like Really Pretty that was my favorite thing on the interwebs this week, pretty much.