I am torn about James Franco, people. Whereas my gentleman friend lauded 127 Hours as the movie of the year, and Franco’s acting choices have been pretty impressive, there’s just something off about him. He just annoys, and I decided to sit down and watch my beloved Inside the Actor’s Studio to find out what that annoyance stems from. I now give you Inside The James Franco (not endorsed by Bravo).
Our precious James Lipton runs Franco’s credits, and mentions Franco’s already written a book. I scowl. I’ve pegged Franco as a typical hipster, and I’m right. He’s from Palo Alto and European-mutt like me! Woot! His parents have a cool background (writer and scholar) and he embarrasses his younger brother, who is sitting in the front row. Davey, the brother, is so stoned he cannot hold his eyes open. It’s kind of awesome. Lipton is amused.
Youthful crime, Franco? Indeed. He was a shoplifter of cologne, and now he’s a cologne spokesman. He became a ward of the court and abandoned crime when he got a CalArts scholarship and a judge gave him a chance. He’s actually fairly smart, despite the hipster mustache. He was going to do math but traded it for acting at UCLA. They said no, so he gave up college and went to Playhouse West, an acting school in the Valley.
Young Franco is growing on me. The mustache, however, is distracting and perhaps lice-infested.
He waxes poetic about his acting school, and they show a “Funny Or Die” clip of him mocking acting class. As someone who endured four years of an acting major in college, I assure you it is funny in the “recall a sense memory and cry” bullshit they teach you that takes years of expensive therapy to reverse.
I cannot get over the mustache. It’s ratty and spotty, and perhaps diseased.
We go to the Freaks And Geeks era. Judd Apatow doesn’t think Franco’s hot. Maybe he got a germ from him. Franco yaps about being free and young and whatever, we talk about James Dean, whom Franco portrayed intensely. He seems very intense about Dean and his method acting regarding him. He’s so much more handsome without the lip-caterpillar.
So then there was Spiderman 1-3, none of which I’ve seen, so we’ll press on. We get a much more interesting story about portraying a male prostitute and researching the “craft” in New Orleans. We go back to Judd Apatow and Pineapple Express. It’s interesting only because it returned Franco to comedy, which is something he wanted to do. He plays the stoner well, which is probably not a acting choice, but a way of life.
On to Milk. He worked with his favorite actor (Sean Penn) and director (Gus Van Zant). No mustache, way more cute. Yes I know it’s a vair vair serious film, but this article is about Franco, so we’ll discuss the cute. It was during this acting time that Franco went back to UCLA, and school was his way of taking his work seriously, especially writing and directing. Okay, point Franco for being a smartie, despite the “duh” persona.
He’s going to Yale for his PhD. Color me impressed.
The Sundance Film Festival opened this year with Howl which Franco was part of. This is where Franco gets almost excited (see: shows an emotion) and his role as a young Ginsberg was one that he respected. They show a clip that’s supposed to be amazing, but Ginsberg doesn’t do it for me, so it just seems silly.
On to 127 Hours. Flawless, it’s been called. Danny Boyle and he met and Boyle thought Franco was stoned, which he insists he wasn’t. Boyle gave him another chance and he got the role. Authenticity was the key. I haven’t seen it, but again, I’ve been told it’s incredible. Franco says the amazing thing is that it’s just one actor (himself) for most of the film, and so a self-interview the (real) character does to a video camera is very important. The apex of the movie, which I won’t spoil, really freaked out Franco, so his reaction is real. “the movie makes you glad to be alive” our dear Lipton intones, and we go to commercial at his dramatic growl. Shit, man. I need to see that flick.
On to the book he wrote. “Palo Alto”, a nice place to grow up, but when you DO grow up there, it seems to suck. I guess that goes for anyplace you grow up in. Anyway there’s a lot of violence.
Favorite word? Scotch. Least? “I thought” or “he said”. Turns on? Rabbits. Turns off? Being embarrassed. Sound he loves? Motown. Hates? Some people’s voices. Curse word? “Shitburger”. Lipton is impressed. He’d like to be a writer and director. Would not like to design weapons. God’s voice at the pearly gates? “You helped some people”.
Questions. When he was pursuing acting? He didn’t listen to detractors, even his parents. HE’S STROKING THE MUSTACHE. I bet it itches like fuck-all. Dirty. Stop touching it! Agh! He thinks helping people is the key to life. Whatever. The music swells, and he says that the performing arts is a great gift, and the mustache, like, HAS A HOLE and it’s vomitous.
Well we learned a lot about The Franco tonight, and I am less grossed out by him, but man, boy needs to SHAVE. Shave thy face, Franco! SHAVE AND THAT WILL HELP SOME PEOPLE. NAMELY ME.

