Do you ever sit through the 25 minutes of previews before a movie and wonder — while basking in the reflected glow of a predictable rom-com in which two friends go looking for love and (SURPRISE!) find it in each other – if there are ever any scripts that don’t make the cut?
Well, believe it or not, there are actually quite a few scripts that get passed over each year, and that’s where The Black List comes in. Published annually on the second Friday of December, The Black List contains the titles and brief descriptions of over 70 currently rejected movies, ranked by the number of votes they receive from nearly 300 participating film executives.
The fact that a list such as this exists is fascinating enough, but getting to see the list is even cooler. Especially when you consider that having a spot on The Black List doesn’t necessarily mean a script is dead in the water: Juno and Lars and the Real Girl – which both ended up as Academy Award nominees for Best Original Screenplay (with Juno coming out a winner) – were once featured on the Black List. While the Black Listees for 2010 have been abandoned for release this year, they’re still viable candidates for production in future years. Which is great, I guess, except when you realize this means the world may not be safe from experiencing the cinematic debut of Your Bridesmaid is a Bitch.
Although, to be fair, she totally is.
I combed through the entire list, and although it’s tough to judge an entire concept by a one-sentence description, I came across several scripts I thought would make decent (or even above-decent) films. I’ll outline my top (and bottom) picks below, but please note that my opinions are made even more amateur by the fact that the professionals’ clear favorite (a based-on-true-events script called College Republicans about a young Karl Rove running a dirty campaign in his undergrad days) didn’t make my cut.
Perhaps this is because one of my favorite movies of all time is The Three Amigos? Yes, perhaps.
THE BEST:
1. “‘The Last Son of Isaac Lemay’ by Greg Johnson: An aging outlaw convinced that there is evil in his genes goes on a journey to kill his offspring. In the process, he discovers that his last remaining son is a terrifying manifestation of his worst fears.”
I don’t know why, but this sounds incredibly interesting to me. This could mean I’m a sociopath, but still: this movie could be really effective and even chilling in the right (read: the Coen Brothers’) hands.
2. “‘Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter’ by Seth Grahame-Smith: When the mother of future United States President Abraham Lincoln is murdered by a vampire, he begins a lifelong vendetta to rid the world of the heinous creatures.”
When I first read this, I laughed and rolled my eyes. That’s before I realized it was FUCKING BRILLIANT.
This is the face of a man who will emancipate a wooden stake clear through your vampire ass.
3. “‘Hunger Games’ by Billy Ray: Based on the book by Suzanne Collins. In an America of the future, young boys and girls are forced to participate in a televised battle to the death.“
Well, that’s just disturbing, and therefore pretty awesome. And also how I imagine daycare feels to my kid after I drop her off in the morning.
4. “‘Arsonist’s Love Story’ by Katie Lovejoy: A young arsonist falls for a woman in the art world, which he desperately wants to be a part of.”
I passed right over this the first time I read through the list, but the more I think about it, the more I like it: a guy who specializes in destruction wanting to be part of a culture based on creation. Plus: love and fire and stuff.
5. “‘The Girl With Something Extra’ by Terrence Michael: A young man who has been raised his entire life to believe that he is a girl comes of age as he enters high school and learns his true gender.
This sounds absolutely intriguing to me. In fact, I wish I was watching it right now instead of “Pit Bulls and Parolees.”
I don’t want to talk about it.
6. “‘Paint’ by Brit McAdams: A Bob Ross-esque PBS painting-show host must fight for his career when his station brings in a rival painting host.”
And I say to myself, what a wonderful world.
THE WORST:
1. “‘Snow White and the Huntsman’ by Evan Daugherty: A re-imagining of the story of Snow White in which the huntsman sent to kill her becomes her mentor.”
Uh…wut? Did Snow White need a mentor? And what, pray tell, does he teach her? How to carry out hits on pale-ass, unsuspecting princesses? How to best pleasure a dwarf? Hm. Maybe this actually belongs on my “best” list.
2. “‘Your Bridesmaid Is a Bitch’ by Brian Duffeld: After agreeing to groomsman duties at his sister’s wedding, Noah Palmer realizes he has made the mistake of his life after finding out that the woman who broke his heart is also part of the bridal party.”
No, I wasn’t kidding about this one. And it kind of makes me hate people.
3. “‘Hot Mess’ by Jenni Ross: Four girlfriends make, and then break, a list of rules devised to get the guys of their dreams and discover their inner hot messes in the process.”
OMG WOMEN ARE NOTHING WITHOUT A MAN MUST GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES SISTERHOOD COSMOS CHOCOLATE FANCY SHOES I HAVE CRAMPS.
4. “‘Zombie Baby’ by Andy Jones: After the zombie apocalypse, a young couple unsure about whether to start a family has the decision made for them when they take in an orphaned zombie baby they don’t have the heart to kill.”
And who can blame them? ADORBS!
5. “‘The Ever After Murders’ by Ian Fried: In a dark metropolis populated by characters from classical folklore, detectives Tom Thumb and Rachel Riding investigate a murder that brings them into contact with the city’s most dangerous inhabitants.”
“I SAID, YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN…aw, fuck this.”
6. “‘Fucking Jane Austen’ by Blake Bruns: Two male friends angry at Jane Austen for creating unrealistic romantic expectations among women today get sent back in time to the 19th century. The only way for them to return home is for one of them to get Jane Austen to fall in love and sleep with him.”
I know, Jane. I KNOW.
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