Ah, it’s that time of year again. The time of year where I think back and wonder just how the fuck I got to this point and what tickled my fancy along the way. As usual, I thought I’d be a super swell guy and let you in on all the fancy being tickled. Because really, who doesn’t like having their fancy tickled? So, behold! It’s all yours for the taking. Don’t say I didn’t do anything for you.
Miley Cyrus Smoking A Bong
Wait. Miley and a bong in the same video? Like yeah! I would have given hard earned money to be a fly on the wall at this party. With this video, I can at least see a sneak preview through that stoned fly’s eyes.
Andre Leon Talley’s Gorgeous Sequined Chico’s Smocks
I know what you are thinking. And yes, your grandmother DOES have a moo moo just like that. But does she have the hat? No? Yeah, I didn’t think so. We all know that grandma can’t pull that look off. Only a man with the kind of grace and vocabulary that includes the “word” dreckitude can pull an outfit like this off. Just stop, stare, and respect.
Pillow Pets
Is it a pillow? Or is it a pet? Fuck if I know. What I do know is my son went batshit crazy when he saw these atrocious and outwardly evil things. He wouldn’t shut up about them. So, I finally caved in and bought him one with the agreement that it could not come in the house and he was not to feed it after midnight. I am happy to report, both rules have been totally followed. All is well. Including my intense fear of these things. Barf.
Antoine Dodson
Just watch the video. And? You’re welcome.
Mila Kunis And Natalie Portman Making Out
Okay. So, I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t even seen Black Swan yet. Truthfully, when I do, I won’t know how to act or contain myself when Mila and Natalie start going at it on film. I mean, do I just sit there and cry? Or do I make an attempt to join in? Really, I am at a loss here. Never in a million duurtay dreams would I think this would actually come to fruition. Frankly, I am a little scared that someone has been recording my dreams in the first place.
Calvin Tran
Thanks to The Soup and the one and only Joel McHale, I was introduced to a certain Mr. Calvin Tran. Apparently, Calvin is on some show on Bravo that I never heard of. He is all kinds of crazy and fabulous though, so that usually will get you far in life. Don’t believe me? Roll the clip!
The “Britney Spears” Episode From Glee
I don’t know if you have heard of this little singing show named Glee. I have seen every episode of this smash hit show, but found myself a tad bit disinterested this season. Well, that is until Heather Morris put the stank on it and turned the shit up to eleven. After each performance, I had remind myself that this was a singing show and not something from Cinemax that plays during the wee hours of Sunday morning when you think your kids are asleep. All I have to say (with saliva running down my chin) is WOW.
Bacon
Yes, I realize that bacon has always been awesome and downright mind blowing. But something happened this year to put bacon in the spotlight. No, I don’t think Kirstie Alley had anything to do with it either. I am not quite sure what it was, but all the sudden BACON was all over the place. And I, for one, ain’t complaining.
Taylor Swift With Straight Hair
Do not judge me. I see you snickering and pointing your fingers at me. Damn you! I am right here. I can see you! Look, do I love me some Taylor Swift? Yes. Have I ever heard one of her songs? No. I just like to stare at her. Creepy? You bet. Legal in all 50 states? Absolutely (Trust me, I’ve checked).
So, there you have it. Just a few things that put a smile on my face this year. Do you agree with me? Do you hate me? Should I be committed to some sort of institution? Wait. Don’t answer that last one. Anyway, what say you internets? Talk to me.
About TJ Johnson
