Food Network’s Most Obnoxious Stars

01/26/2011 12:00 pm by

Why do so many Food Network personalities make me want to chiffonade their tongues and truss their mouths shut? The over-the-top spunk and boundless cheer of so many Food Network  stars is something of a mystery to me. While I fear I may just be a cantankerous misanthrope, I often watch these shows and wonder, “who likes these people?”

If I kept Screw/Marry/Kill lists of Food Network stars, the following would definitely end up on the lattermost.

1. Guy Fieri

guy fieri 525x262 Food Network’s Most Obnoxious Stars

Guy Fieri is like the Nascar of the Food Network.  I loathe him, from his skater shoes to his frosted, spiky hair.

2. The Neelys

pat and gina neely 525x350 Food Network’s Most Obnoxious Stars

We get it. You’re very happy together. GET A ROOM.

3. Sunny Anderson (Cooking for Real)

Sunny Anderson2 525x393 Food Network’s Most Obnoxious Stars

I know her name is Sunny, but must she embody it so excessively? There’s also something insidiously plastic about it. I have the sneaking (and completely unfounded, unverifiable) suspicion she’s far from sunny in real life.

4. Giada de Laurentiis (Everyday Italian)

giada scary mouth 525x350 Food Network’s Most Obnoxious Stars

She frightens me. I’m pretty sure she can open her mouth and swallow people whole, python style.

5. Rachael Ray (30 Minute Meals/Week in a Day)

rachael ray 525x351 Food Network’s Most Obnoxious Stars

I actually waffled on Rachael, because I think her shows are helpful. Her food is healthy and flavorful, and both of her cooking shows—30-Minute Meals and Week in a Day—offer pro tips on making home-cooked meals a reality for working parents. Nevertheless, it sends a twitch up my spine every time she says “eeveeohoh” or “yummo.”

6. Sandra Lee (Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee)

Sandra Lee 525x393 Food Network’s Most Obnoxious Stars

Many of Food Network’s personalities aren’t really chefs so much as good cooks. Sandra Lee, however, can’t even stake that claim. If I wanted to watch an overly made-up woman dump cans of cream of mushroom soup into casserole dishes and call it cooking, all the while shrieking “COCKTAIL TIME,” and fashioning hideous “tablescapes,” I’d buy public access airtime for my aunt Cindy.

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About Snarky Amber

Snarky Amber pursued a degree in interdisciplinary studies in order to obtain a well-rounded perspective, which she now uses to make fun of people who make more money in a week than she stands to make in a lifetime.

Filed Under: Best Of Featured, Best Of MamaPop, Celebrity Chefs, Douchebags, Food and Drink, Food Network, Pop Culture, TV Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


From Our Partners

  • Beckie

    I heart you!

    1. Guy was cool at first – now I’m just like – seriously every fuckin burger in the USA can’t be “stupid good”.

    2. I ABHOR/LOATHE that dam couple.

    3. Let’s do some digging. I share your suspicion that she isn’t so sunny in her off time.

    4. I want to share your feelings – but she gave me fried polenta and dayum that stuff is good! (stupid good cross my heart)

    5. Minus the EVOO & YUMMO she’s actually my third favorite (behind Paula & Ina) on Food Network – her slogans are played out, but her recipes are usually good and easy to replicate though not all in 30 minutes.

    6. Every network needs a resident lush. Bravo has Kim, ABC has Jules, Food Network has Sandra Lee. If she put the amount of effort into her “cooking” that she does into her cocktails and tablescapes, she’d be bad ass.

  • CH

    Rachel Ray’s man hands really frighten me.

    WHY ISN’T PAULA SCOURGE OF THE EARTH DEAN ON THIS LIST!?!?!! I’m a southern woman, and her blatantly fake (or at least calculatedly enhanced) “Y’awl, I’m frum the sayowth” accent makes my skin crawl. It’s about as real as Sean Penn’s fake accent in that awful “All the King’s Men” movie.

    Also? She sets aside the last five minutes of every episode to have a private moment with the dish she prepared–once she literally sighed and moaned as she licked a fork for two minutes. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so uncomfortable as a viewer…

    (I have issues with Paula Dean, obvs.)

  • Beckie

    I heart you!

    1. Guy was cool at first – now I’m just like – seriously every fuckin burger in the USA can’t be “stupid good”.

    2. I ABHOR/LOATHE that dam couple.

    3. Let’s do some digging. I share your suspicion that she isn’t so sunny in her off time.

    4. I want to share your feelings – but she gave me fried polenta and dayum that stuff is good! (stupid good cross my heart)

    5. Minus the EVOO & YUMMO she’s actually my third favorite (behind Paula & Ina) on Food Network – her slogans are played out, but her recipes are usually good and easy to replicate though not all in 30 minutes.

    6. Every network needs a resident lush. Bravo has Kim, ABC has Jules, Food Network has Sandra Lee. If she put the amount of effort into her “cooking” that she does into her cocktails and tablescapes, she’d be one bad ass chef.

  • Vickie

    I like Giada–the few recipes I’ve tried have worked. The one thing that bothers me about her is how big her head is compared to her tiny body.

  • http://jodifur.com jodifur

    Every time I see Sandra Lee I want to yell, OPENING THINGS IS NOT COOKING.

  • http://www.runningscared.ca/UrbanMomtographer Lindsay Dianne

    Okay so that makes reasons 987-997 why I love not having cable…
    Hilarious.

  • http://swanfeet.wordpress.com/ ladyphlogiston

    Emeril Lagasse always annoyed me – he makes a lot of noise, but the few recipes we’ve tried have been terrible, so either he deliberately sabotages home cooks by screwing with the proportions, or he’s just a terrible cook. Also, he grew up in Massachusetts, ten miles from my dad. Enough with the N’awlins talk.

  • texxla

    I am convinced that Giada is actually a bobble head.

  • JB

    Meanwhile, Alton is on both the Screw and Marry lists. :D

    • Alex

      Word.

      • http://allonsee.com Heather

        Everyday and twice on Sunday.

  • http://baltimoregal.blogspot.com/ baltimoregal

    I don’t mind the Neeleys or Sunny.

    ANNE BURRELL with her orange face and electrocuted white hair and grating voice – I cannot stand her!

    Also Robert Irvine isn’t annoying so much but he has a tiny little pinhead.

  • Jill

    Yeah, but oh does yummy Bobby Flay make up for the rest of them.

    • Suzy Q

      You should check out his hands next time. His gross dirty fingernails make me want to hurl.

  • JellyBean

    I miss the two fat ladies.

    • http://www.chaos4jp.blogspot.com mrschaos

      Ahhh…the two fat ladies. Totally forgot about them. Those were the days.

  • Suzy Q

    If you add a pointy hat and broom to Giada, she is a quintessential witch. She scares the crap outta me!

    I also miss the Two Fat Ladies.

  • Lynne

    I watched something about Sandra Lee once where she said she would much rather decorate than cook. I suppose that’s pretty apparent when you watch her show.

    My new 2nd favorite chef (Ina will always be #1) is Alex from Alex’s Day Off. She is the awesome.

  • Melissa

    Sorry – I love Guy! Plus, his recipes on foodnetwork.com are generally easier and less “fancy” for us common folk. I actually made my Thanksgiving turkey with his recipe and it was great.

    Now, my choice would have been Rachael number one! I don’t even know what it is but the sight of her makes my blood pressure rise.

  • http://rebeccacrawford.typepad.com Becca

    I must agree with the Paula Dean hate. As a Texan, I take offence to anyone who pronounces pecan as pee-can (when it’s clearly p’kahn) calling herself a Southerner. My Minnesota-native grandmother called them pee-cans.