Tired of using his own daughters, Joe Simpson has moved on to Dina Lohan‘s. Like poor Lindsay doesn’t have enough problems.
Ensuring that Ashlee Simpson will not be invited to Lindsay Lohan’s inevitable going away party, rumor has it that Joe Simpson advised his youngest daughter to file for divorce on the day of Lohan’s court appearance to address a certain borrowed bauble. He assumed that the public would be so shocked by Lindsay’s legal woes that they would turn a blind eye to Ashlee’s split from Pete Wentz, her emo-riffic husband of less than three years.
You know, I wouldn’t buy a used car from this man but I might let him give me marital advice.
Um, Joe, perhaps you should have filed on a day when Lindsay wasn’t going to court? ‘Cause THAT’S news. And moreover, Captain Crafty, if your heartbroken daughter comes to you for advice on her disintegrating marriage, it’s considered insensitive to whip out a calendar and say, “Well, Wednesday’s no good for me…how’s the worst day of a more famous person’s life?”
Joe Simpson, I blame you.
Like any dad, Joe Simpson wants to spare his daughter unwanted attention at all costs. Understandable. But why tell anyone your plan? Why not just show up at the courthouse, go all doe-eyed and wonder aloud, “All this traffic! What do you suppose all the hullabaloo is about? Well, I’ll be damned! There goes Lindsay Lohan. Color me embarrassed.”
Loose lips sink ships, Joe. Or, in Ashlee’s case, loose lip syncs…oh, never mind.
Remember that kid at your high school who wanted to be in all the yearbook pictures?
So it didn’t work this time, Joe, taking advantage of another young woman’s misfortune. Buck up. Here are a few tips and tricks for next time, Joe:
- Dodge the paparazzi by taking cover behind a potted shrub next to the ER entrance. The photogs will be so focused on Charlie Sheen, you’ll be home free.
- Slip and fall in a puddle of Katy Perry’s tears over the reports of her struggling marriage. People will just be relieved you didn’t break a bone.
And should the tide turn and you find yourself yearning for a little positive news, Joe? Defy reports that you’re son-in-law napalm, urging Ashlee and Pete to reconcile. Announce the reconciliation at a five-year-old’s birthday party. Little Timmy is a nobody anyway.