It’s true: my first thought on seeing a new Urban Outfitters catalog in my mailbox is “I wonder what those crazy bitches are wearing THIS time.” I expect ugly. I expect unflattering. But, as with the Spanish Inquisition, no one expects floral harem pants.
For god’s sake. Even that hand on the opposite page is pointing at them, as if to say WTF? Are you SEEING these?
And here is a sheer, chiffon, TIE-DYED pair (I have cropped out the face as no one, even a model, deserves to be photographed in these:
“…they’re fantastic. Be sure to purchase a pair of bloomers to wear underneath!” says one of the—obviously high—reviewers.
Another store, Lulus, is selling something called “Celebrity Street Style Printed Harem Pants.” Here is the description:
“Every time you see the big celebs out, they’re always wearing some rockin’ comfy outfit that epitomizes an easy day in L.A. Why not give it a go with the Celebrity Street Style Printed Harem Pants, and ease into these fun and breezy wearables. Lightweight grey, black, and slate blue printed pants taper at the cuffs, and banded waist has a stretchy back smocked panel.”
(Just because something is, technically speaking, a “wearable” doesn’t mean you have to wear it, kids.)
What’s worse is that these abominations were everywhere LAST year. I think I had blocked it out, or convinced myself it was all some horrible dream, but no. Those of you who were in an H&M last spring may remember recoiling in horror from these:
You’d think we’d have learned our lesson after British celeb Fearne Cotton got her picture splashed around in these bad boys:
But no. Instead, they’re back, and that is what worries me. That we are seeing this “trend” resurrected this year is astonishing and ominous. Can we not be taught? Why couldn’t last year’s embarrassing parachute pant faux pas have been a mistake we vowed never to repeat? Does the fact that even models look awful in these things mean NOTHING?
Coupled with the latest pleated offerings from American Apparel (link NSFW), shown in the chain’s disturbingly porny (and yet STILL UNFLATTERING) new ad campaign, you have to ask: Has the world gone mad?
About Alexa Stevenson
