The music business can be harsh, my friends. You top the charts as the newest, hottest, youngest pseudo-badass on the scene one week, then you marry a rocker, start a clothing and fragrance line, release some more music, get a divorce, start dating a massive douche, tattoo “FUCK” on your body, and realize your newest album is selling woefully behind the latest Glee soundtrack the next.
Insult to injury: it’s the fifth Glee soundtrack. THE FIFTH.
(p.s. – This photo stirs rage within me. RAGE. Shut your ass face, Morrison.)
OK, so, to be fair to Avril, all of that stuff happened over the course of several years, not weeks, but here she is in 2011, a 26-year-old divorcee with sagging record sales who’s still sporting the same three square inches of black Wet’n’Wild around her eyes as she has for the past nine years.
OMG, we get it, TryHard McObvious: you’re hard core. And you singlehandedly keep the makeup removal industry afloat.
Emerging onto the pop scene in 2002, Avril has released a total of four albums, the latest of which – Goodbye Lullaby — debuted last week to dismal sales (85-90,000 copies sold in the first week, compared to her previous album’s 300,000). You probably know that she married Sum 41 lead singer Deryck Whibley in 2006 and divorced him in 2009, but did you know she has a clothing line? And has created two (soon to be three) fragrances? The fuck does she think she is – Liz Taylor?
And Avril, you do not want to be pissing off Liz Taylor. I don’t care how old and feeble she is – LOOK AT THAT HAT. GIRLFRIEND WILL TAKE YOU DOWN.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve been getting my period for more than a year, but I had no idea Avril had branched out into fashion (Abbey Dawn) and fragrance (Black Star and – sigh – Forbidden Rose). I was curious to visit her clothing website, thinking that maybe she’d finally found a way to transition past her Bad Attitude Teen Mall Rat persona, but…
Not so much.
It’s not that I am or have ever been a huge Avril Lavigne fan, but I can’t be the only one wondering when the hell she’s going to drop the petulant brat routine and FUCKING DO SOMETHING ELSE. She has the tools to segue into a more mature career: she can sing, she can write, she can play musical instruments – that’s about three more things than Ke$ha can do.
Seriously – who is this? And why does she look like she got caught in a fishing net full of neon puffy paint?
The ironic thing is, Avril was openly upset with her record label (RCA) prior to her latest album’s release because she felt as though they were stifling what she considered to be a departure from her usual style. “This is my fourth record and I’m 26 so it’s time for me to do something a little different,” said Avril. Different! That’s good! Show us what you got, kid!
So…did you part your hair on a different side or something? ‘Cause I’m not seeing any big 180s here.
I’ve always thought of Avril Lavigne as Alanis Morrissette Light, and although she will never be able to outshine Alanis in my eyes, I hope she finds a way to expand a bit beyond the Hot Topic demographic. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT, AVRIL.
Also, Ryan Reynolds is single again. JUST SAYING.
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