So, you’ve heard of Rango, right? The weirdly cute animated movie about a chameleon voiced by none other than Johnny Depp? Apparently there are some secondary characters in the feature who are shown smoking cigarettes at various points throughout the film. This, of course, means that kids will see the smoking reptiles, exit the cineplex, and make a beeline for the 7-11 where they will purchase a carton of Parliaments and begin puffing away immediately OMG WTF BBQ EVERYBODY PANIC!1!!!11!!!!
He doesn’t make me want to smoke so much as he makes me wish I was that cigarette.
Anti-smoking group Breathe California claims they have cited “at least” 60 instances of characters smoking in the film, although the title character of Rango is never among them. Activists are pressuring the movie’s producers to slap a Surgeon General’s warning on the film, and they are not alone in their concern over the impact of animated smokers. Stanton Glanz, the director of the Center for for Tobacco Control Research and Education at the University of California-San Francisco, believes that “[a] lot of kids are going to start smoking because of this movie.” Hearing something like that from the mouth of an expert certainly makes me take pause in my eye-rolling, come-the-fuck-on response to this anti-smoking outcry.
It should be noted, though, that the Chain-Smoking Baby video went viral well before Rango.
It’s not that I don’t take the destructiveness of smoking seriously — I absolutely do. I just think everyone is kind of freaking out in the wrong direction here. I smoked for a while in college, and it wasn’t because I was brainwashed by Joe Camel and his thoroughly disturbing appearance.
Forget smoking — after being exposed to this ad campaign throughout adolescence, it’s a damn miracle I’m still into men.
I also grew up in the age of Spuds McKenzie, the adorable bull terrier who taught us all the virtues of drinking shitty beer. As a child who loved animals, I adored the Spuds McKenzie commercials, and my parents even gave me a Spuds McKenzie plush doll for Christmas one year. And did I start skipping 4th grade to go crack a few cans of Bud behind the swingsets? Hell, no. Because I had been exposed to social drinking my entire life; it was nothing new, and I knew it was something reserved for grown-ups. I was similarly exposed to a chain-smoking uncle, and — despite that period during my college years, when good decision-making was absent from EVERY part of my life — I knew that it was deeply harmful to my body and something I should never do.
Let the record show, however, that I indulged in many things that were deeply harmful to my body without the prodding of any cute commercial creatures.
(If Goldschlager had an animal mascot, it would be a warthog with explosive diarrhea.)
I guess I’m a tiny bit surprised that some characters are shown smoking in Rango, but…the movie is rated PG. PG as in PARENTAL GUIDANCE SUGGESTED. As in “Hey, you might see some things in this movie worth talking about with your kids, like how just because some animated reptiles are smoking, that doesn’t mean it’s cool to go score some Virginia Slims from Aunt Linda’s purse and go to town.”
Do I really have to tell you not to let this creature have the final word on your child’s decision-making?
Above all, though, I think we all should take a deep breath and settle the fuck down just a tad. There are a lot more pressing matters at hand when it comes to our kids than the issue of them seeing a few imaginary animals on a smoke break. Movies have a certain amount of influence on kids, I get it, but…let’s just say I don’t think you should panic about your kid seeing Rango unless her eyes begin to move independently of each other afterward.
Oh, dear. School pictures are going to be a challenge this year.
About Jive Turkey
