Ah, the trials and tribulations of a princess-to-be. Kate Middleton‘s wedding to Prince William is in just 58 short days. Like all brides, I’m sure she’s busy with a lot of the remaining details; figuring out what the favors will be, final dress alterations, sorting out the playlist for the DJ…and determining who her lady-in-waiting will be after she’s married.
I didn’t even realize that royals still had ladies-in-waiting and I’m still not totally clear on what it is that said ladies do, exactly. Wikipedia tells me that a lady-in-waiting is “a female personal assistant at a noble court.” Lately, Kate has been receiving assistance from Helen Asprey, who works in Prince William and Prince Harry’s offices, and has done stuff like hold flowers that people hand to Kate. After Kate’s marriage, Asprey might continue in this role or Kate may assign it to her sister, Pippa.
It sounds like being a lady-in-waiting is not quite rocket surgery, especially since, as we all know, the Royal Family isn’t exactly hardcore in terms of doing or thinking about stuff.
So, I’d like to offer up some possible applicants.
1) Lady Gaga
Qualifications: she’s already a Lady, which should give her a leg up; can offer sensible fashion choices for, like, Ascot Opening Day or whatever the hell events those guys go to; will bolster Kate’s self-esteem via song and dance; can probably serve as midwife at the births of Kate and Willy’s kids.
Qualifications: will easily distract from any potential scandals; legal advice; personal jewelry shopper
Ooh, I love this one…for Kate. Of course it’s for Kate. I’m just going to carry it on my neck.
Qualifications: experience with pain-in-the-ass in-laws; dance lessons; folksy catchphrases; baby name ideas based on stuff in the room (“Kate and William proudly announce the arrival of their son, Lamp.”)