Last week! Last week I abandoned you like so many doe-eyed orphans while I was dealing with personal shiz, but NO MATTER! We are back, and we are READY, am I right?
Previously, a shock in the first leg had all the teams racing on in Australia. Ron and Christina argued, Zev and Justin were team one, and Amanda and Kris couldn’t catch up with the rest of the pack after their double U-Turn and were eliminated. WHO! Will be eliminated next?
Amazing Theme Music!
This is the Australian Outback, the second pit stop. They all took a train to Sydney and Zev/Justin will leave first for Toyko, where they’ll find their next clue in a parking garage. Everyone scrambles for tickets. Hey! Christina is marrying someone from Season 12! How adorbs! The Trotters, The Cowboys, and Zev/Justin are on a train to the airport. Others try travel agencies or cabs. Everyone’s worried about plane issues. The three teams on the train get to the airport and try to find a straight flight to Japan. There’s a flight getting in at 6:15 am, but there’s a flight that has a connection in Hong Kong that leaves earlier but could get caught up in transfers. The Goths go for the connection, which gets in at 6 am, and Margie/Luke and Mike/Mel follow suit. The teams all bunch up at the airport, and the first flight leaves with five teams. BUT OH NO! They’re caught up at the Hong Kong airport and how long will they be stuck on the tarmac? WE DON’T KNOW, Y’ALL.
Commercials! Buy a pickup truck and your penis grows three sizes. It’s true, I read it in a science book or something.
Hong Kong: We’re sitting forever on the tarmac. This could be a nightmare. Everyone on the second flight is giddy to find this out. Here’s Tokyo! Gary and Mal are at the clue first and have to drive to a dojo. First, however, they have to locate and fit in tiny cars. This proves a challenge for the Trotters. An HOUR AND A HALF LATER the other plane’s teams arrive and are off to the dojo. The cars are on this weird carousel and it’s really complicated. I have no idea.
Everyone from the first flight follow each other and immediately get lost. Well done, guys. Ron and Christina are first, and the Roadblock is an archery challenge on a wooden horse. Oh, and they’re dressed as samurai. It’s a whole ritual, and they have to get it right. Gar and Mal are next, and Gary takes the challenge. The others find their way and suit up as well. There’s a ceremonial dance-y thingie at the beginning and Gary can’t get it right.
The Cowboys are lost.
Mike and Mal and the Goths discuss directions. The redheads whine. Zev and Justin? They’re on their own, man. Over at the challenge, Gary is really not adept at the ritual stuff. Jen tries, the Trotters try, and here’s Zev and Justin. Everyone else is still scrambling with directions.
Somewhere in Japan, the Cowboys are still lost.
Jen is excellent at the challenge and finishes first. Drive to a railway station. There’s a statue next to the clue. GO! Justin follows suit, as does Gary. The second crowd of racers arrive. Kynt is THRILLED about the beautiful costumes. Ron finally gets the ritual right as the Cowboys finally find the clue aaaaaaaaaand the Redheads crash their car. This will take some time to sort out.
Commercials! The whole Eminem/Detroit/Chrysler thing has me baffled. Is Em selling out by giving his music to the ad, or is he representing Detroit? I have to think about this more.
The Redheads have to deal with the police and the broken mirror on the car they crashed into. Over at the task, Luke and Mike try as Jen and Kisha try to get directions to the railroad station. The Detour is Purity, where you put on clothes, learn a prayer and stand under a freezing cold waterfall for one minute. OR Frog of Luck: get out of your clothes, get in the mud, and dig for frogs.
Redhead number one finally gets to the first challenge as everyone else finishes. Gar/Mal and Zev/Justin are stripping down to skivvies to dig for frogs. Japanese people throw mud at them. This is hilarious. Over at the waterfall, Ron and Christina are ready to clean their souls, as are the Trotters. They learn the ritual and are off to get wet. Elsewhere, everyone other than the redheads are picking their Detours. Zev and Justin are first to find the frog and are off to the monument that is the pit stop. Gar and Mal are next off to the pit stop. Zev/Justin and Gar/Mal hose off and drive away in their skivvies as Mel/Mike and the Goths pick the frogs.
The redheads are finally on their way to the Detour.
Over at the waterfall, everyone is freezing to death and a Trotter calls for his mama. OMG Christina has lost her fanny pack and therefore her passport. Do the Trotters have it by mistake? Ah! Better cut to…
Commercials! Medicine commercials are really starting to freak me out. Is there ANY medicine out there that WON’T potentially kill you? Not according to the teevee, there isn’t.
The Trotters accidentally took Christina’s fanny pack. Shit. Everyone else is over in the mud, and Jen finds a frog. Ron finds the fanny pack in the men’s dressing room, left by the Trotters. He howls for Christina as the first clump of racers argue over directions to the pit stop. The Cowboys mistakenly think the frogs are alive (they’re plastic). No comment.
Pit Stop! Zev and Justin for the win! They get a trip to Costa Rica. Sweet. They are very proud of themselves.
Not happy are the teams left in the mud. The Goths find a frog and hose off. Margie/Luke and Mel/Mike are still digging for frogs. At the pit stop Gar and Mal are team 2. The Trotters are team 3.
The redheads are somewhere in Japan.
Mel and Mike are still searching for frogs and Mike is ready to give up. The fire in Mike is totally gone. He’s so done with this game, this show, everything.
Ron and Christina are Team 4, and Christina thought the fanny pack thing was on purpose. The Trotters get a 30 minute penalty for the fanny pack. That places Christina and Ron as Team 3, and the Trotters as Team 5.
Jen and Kisha are Team 4.
Cowboys are team 6.
The redheads finally get to the mud.
Goths are team 7.
Margie and Luke are team 8.
The redheads find the frog as Mel and Mike try to warm up in the freezing mud. The redheads are miraculously team 9 at the Pit Stop. They CANNOT BELIEVE their luck. They are literally without words at the outcome of this nightmare of a day.
Mel and Mike are eliminated from the Race. It’s about teamwork with his dad, Mike says, and that’s all that’s important. Aw.
Next week! China! Ron yells a lot, Zev gets frustrated and the Goths get hopelessly, agonizingly lost.
See you then!
About Danielle Vintschger
