Previously! Nine teams continued racing and exhaustion set in. Vyx and Kynt caught up by using the double u-turn and Gary/Mal used their express pass to come in a close second to the cowboys. The redheads couldn’t get their dinosaur built in time, and they were eliminated. Who! Will be eliminated next?
Amazing Theme Music!
This park in China was the pitstop in a race around the world. The Cowboys will depart first. Go to a tea shop where they’ll take place in a tasting test. There are componants of this challenge that will come up later, so PAY ATTENTION. The Cowboys chatter on, but whatever, everyone else gets the clues and are off to the tea ceremony. There are a plethora of tea shops, but Gar/Mal find the right one and start identifying flavors of tea. The tea is peach, Mal chirps, (actually it’s mango, but whatever, Mal) and the next clue is to go to India. Oh buddy. This, as I mentioned before, is always a rough time in the race. The India leg is not for the faint of heart.
Zev and Justin are in last place and have a lot of time to make up for. Everyone drinks tea and gets clues. Off to the airport! Kolkuta India is the next stop, and everyone gets in taxis and tries to get ahead, but the roads are packed with people and the racers howl at the taxi drivers to throw caution to the wind and GO GO GO. Through red lights they careen! Ai yi yi. There are many near-accidents that could have ended very very badly. We all get to the next clue, but it’s in a place that doesn’t open till 10 the next morning. Mal gets tricked into thinking they have to sign up or something and everyone laughs at her expense as she freaks for no reason. Nice.
The Town Hall opens at 10 and everyone bolts. At the clue box there is a roadblock. Chinese tea came to India and Indian tea went to China here in Kolkuta. There’s another tea tasting. they have to get a mango and a papaya, take it to the tea tasting (there are HUNDREDS if not close to a thousand cups of tea) and match up the tea that they tasted in China to the one here. Everyone guzzles tea and Ron’s the first one to get the mango tea right. Go to the Tiwari Tea Stall for the next clue. Everyone else is still drinking. Tea fatigue is setting in. Zev is clueless, the Trotters cheer, Kynt keeps getting the wrong cups, it’s all a mess. Here’s the Cowboys, getting it right! The key, apparently is smelling the tea and detecting the mango smell. Kisha and Jen get it and bolt. They don’t figure out the part where they have to find the next clue under the cap of the Snapple they are presented with. Oh dear. Tea fatigue is REALLY killing everyone, and I don’t think there are potty breaks. Kynt finally gets the clue and they’re off to the tea stand. I’m getting tired of the word “tea”. Mal seems to get it, and she’s off with her daddoo. Not doing well: Zev, Luke, and Big Time. So much tea! I have to go to the bathroom, brb. But first!
Commercials! Shockingly, a spot for Snapple. Well knock me over with a feather. Really guys? We get it. Tea! Tea! Everything is about tea! Potty break, everyone!
And we’re back. Luke is totally drained. Zev gets it, and seems mildly interested. No time for potties, Zev, time to GO. Big Easy and Margie are cheering from the sidelines, but Flight Time and Luke are in a world of pain.
Kisha and Jen still haven’t looked under the cap of the tea bottle.
The goths are first at the Detour. Hindu art: Paint, dress and adorn a statue. Bengali literature: Get into a rickshaw with a ton of books to deliver to a school. Vyx and Kynt go for the art as Kisha and Jen FINALLY look under the cap. The Cowboys are lost. Big Easy and Luke are still drinking bloody tea. Gar and Mal get the books and squeeze into a rickshaw. They’re off in a little cage with their books. The Cowboys go for the books, as do Zev and Justin. Over at the painting, the goths are pumped. The noise of the crowd over there is infuriating, and Ron whines that even though he’s wearing earplugs, India is just too loud for him. Shut up, Ron.
Tea. Drinking. Failing. Good lordo.
The Trotters get it! And now it’s just Luke, totally losing it. The Trotters are off, and oh no, Luke’s crying. It’s too hard. Margie roots him on and gives him a big mama hug. Oh this is heartbreaking. Poor Luke. He’s shattered.
Commercials! Oh Travelocity gnome, take me away. Just…anywhere. Anywhere but here. Preferably somewhere with room service. Please. Take me away from all this madness.
Luke. Tea. Crying.
Gar and Mal deliver their books and get the clue. Go across town to a park where there’s a fountain and also Phil, waiting at the pitstop! Go!
The goths liken painting the statues to putting on their makeup in the morning. They’re loving this. RON, however, is STILL BITCHING and I am still imploring him to shut the ever loving fuck up, because really. Zev and Justin and the Cowboys get the books and are on their way to the school.
Luke. Oh man. Even the guys at the tea place are rooting him on, clapping for him and he GETS IT! Everyone hugs him. EVERYONE. They leave to thunderous applause. That was beyond sweet.
Goths are off to the pit stop. So are Kisha and Jen. Ron and Christina are on their heels. They’re all leaving as Luke and Margie arrive. Zev and Justin are off to the pit stop as are the Cowboys, who get a cheer from the kids at the school. Very cute. The Trotters are painting statues as Gary/Mal are team number one! Phil tells them that there are two new Snapple flavors and here’s some to try right now! Yay, more tea. I’m sure that’s exactly what they want right now. They also will get wined and dined Indian stylie and get a million rupees (about $20k) to spend in India. That’s a new and interesting prize.
And everyone is stuck in traffic.
The Trotters finish up their statue as Margie and Luke begin. But the Trotters knock over a paint can and now they have to start over?! We have a race to the finish now, guys.
Commercials! Ford would like for you to go camping and enjoy the wonderous outdoors. I would like Ford to bite me. I’ll be inside, where there is food and a bed and a bathroom and maybe a mint on my pillow.
The Trotters are cleaning up their mess as everyone begs cab drivers to go and go FAST. It’s a race to Phil, and The Cowboys, Zev and Justin and Ron/Christina all get in at the same time. The goths are next at number five.
Over at the statues, the Trotters get the clue, and don’t leave before hugging Margie and Luke. Aw, those guys! Love them ever so.
Kisha and Jen are team six. They’ll take it. The Trotters and Margie/Luke are in a fight to the finish and it all comes down to cab luck. Everyone is very, very tense. And who’s first? It’s the Trotters and Phil keeps them waiting, but they’re team seven and still in this game. Margie and Luke get the bad news that they’re done. Luke’s crying on the ground. He signs for us that he had a wonderful time racing with his mom and Margie signs that she’s very proud of him. Sniffle.
Next week! Well, next week is the Country Music Awards, soooooo…in two weeks! There’s…oh ew, a lot of poo. And Zev is getting sensory overload and might be shutting down. See you then!
About Danielle Vintschger
