Oh, there is just SO much to love about this story, friends! (Provided that you are equally irritated with Gwyneth’s inability to NOT give lots of ridiculous advice, and make silly music, and promote LEMON JUICE CLEANSES.)
Let me set the scene for you: Gwennie has just thrown a dinner party for her dear friends to celebrate the release of her cookbook, “My Father’s Daughter”. (I know. I think she’s confused about “COOKBOOK” versus “FICTION” but whatevs.)
“Welcome to my fucking party, you know?”
ANYway, these friends that she’s invited? They’re the richest people in the world as far as I’m concerned, which probably makes this idea of a “dinner party” a REAL HOOT for them! The guest list included Jay-Z, Jerry & Jessica Seinfeld (I’m disappointed, JERRY), Michael Stipe, Christie Turlington, and Cameron Diaz & her popcorn-loving beau, A-Rod. Oh, and some plebians: journalists and the like. She’s a working mom! See that multi-tasking of business and pleasure?
::tucks son into bed while eating a Kit-Kat::
Oh, RIGHT! And the coolest person to make an appearance that evening was none other than her husband, CHRIS the-dude-I-once-thought-was-mediocre-but-now-has-maybe-redeemed-himself-a-little MARTIN.
Heheh. (C’mon, giggle with me! IT’S SO FUN!)
Apparently, while Stipe and Turlington were talking about how skillfully Gwyneth can kill ducks and lobsters, Martin was in the corner using a publicist as a human shield. Dude did “not want to talk.” Journalists furiously scribbled into their notebooks and whispered into their recording devices: CHRIS MARTIN ARRIVES. IS CRANKY. Around that time, Jessica Seinfeld (GROAN) tapped on her water glass (or had a butler do it) and announced to the group that they should consider themselves lucky. Lucky to be in “Gwyneth’s world”. (Which I guess means being invited. To a party. With celebrities.) Jessica then went on to underscore her sentiment by clarifying that, HEY!, she sure as hell wouldn’t have invited you!
“I don’t know WHY you didn’t just TRY THE FUCKING DUCK.”
I’m guessing she wasn’t specifically addressing the Jay-Zs of the crowd.
About Kristine Cook
