Every now and then, a girl finds a piece of clothing that changes her life: the t-shirt that looks as good at the grocery store as it does at a party, the boots that combine equal parts comfort and sass, the little sundress that lightly treads the line between “I make my own organic currant jam” and “I will bang you in the men’s restroom of an Outback Steakhouse with little or no hesitation.”
You wouldn’t believe what the one on the right would do for a plate of coconut shrimp.
For me — a lady who tends to value comfort above all else — it’s the perfect article of loungewear that holds the ability to transform my life. I’m not talking about a Snuggie; I’m talking about that ideal sweatshirt or hoodie or pair of elastic-waisted pants that are comfortable yet presentable. Versatile but reliable. Casual enough to sleep in, yet not so casual as to suggest that you have given up and hey, isn’t that tomato soup on your sleeve? And didn’t you find out you were allergic to tomatoes six months ago? Oh, dear.
You can imagine my delight, then, when I was presented with the opportunity to experience the modern wonder of fashion that is…PajamaJeans.
Shhh, shhh, shhh, Pajama Jeans: No need to say more. You had me at “feels like PJs.”
When my PajamaJeans arrived at my doorstep, I could hardly wait to get into them. I mean, look at that woman up there! She’s smokin’ hot WHILE SHE’S RELAXING. What’s that? Her ass looks fantastic? You’d totally hit that? Yes, I imagine you would, but could you keep it down, please? She’s napping.
I mean, gosh, I don’t know how many times I’ve sexily twisted the bottom of my shirt to reveal a tantalizing peek of flesh before heading straight to bed for eight solid hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Flushed with the knowledge that these pants would either get me super rested or super laid, I ran to the bedroom to give them a whirl. As I slipped out of my plain, old non-pajama-ed jeans, I had to wonder: why PajamaJeans? Why not just Pa’Jeans? That gets me out of saying two entire syllables — time that could be better spent looking hot/relaxing in my brand new Pa’Jeans. I pulled the surprisingly oppressive fabric over my legs, took a deep breath, and turned around to take a look in the mirror.
Oh. Well, that’s…a little different than I expected. What if I tucked in the drawstring and lifted up my shirt like the lady in the ad?
DEAR GOD, NO.
So, despite the fact that I ordered a size small, my PajamaJeans seemed a bit generous, especially in the crotch department.
Eight inches? That’s an quite an impressive depth, and not in the way that will make you popular with the gentlemen. Well, let’s try a side view. Remember how amazing the lady’s ass looked in the ad? Good thing the baby’s napping, because once my husband gets a load of my rockin’ ass in these PajamaJeans, I’m gonna be gettin’ CRAZY banged up in here!
Or not. One generally needs an ass to have intercourse, and I seem to be fresh out.
I decided to inspect the back view, for science.
On the bright side, I have half of my Hank Hill costume ready for next Halloween.
So, yeah. As much as I wanted to, I just wasn’t able to fully rock the PajamaJeans. I chalked it up to ordering the wrong size and lamented the fact that my much anticipated Pa’Jeans were inevitably headed for the thrift store.
Or were they?
Suddenly, it dawned on me: the PajamaJeans were too big on me, and they had a wealth of crotch volume. This could only mean one thing: they were really meant for dudes. Seeing as how I had a dude on hand, I thrust the PajamaJeans towards my husband and uttered a single question: “Do you love comfort?”
And boy, does he!
I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it before! How presumptuous of me to assume that the luxury of PajamaJeans was meant only for women! Now I could finally see PajamaJeans being enjoyed the way they were meant to be. I followed my husband Brad around for a regular evening at home to document how well PajamaJeans would withstand a normal night of leisure. First up, a short jaunt out of the house for a quick game of ball with the guys. Would PajamaJeans be up to the task?
And THEN some! Check out that tight end!
Back from football, Brad had worked up quite an appetite and was hankering for a snack. But first: gotta stretch! Don’t want to get cramped up, do we?
Time for a snack! How are those cherry popovers looking?
Sinful, I’m sure! Thank goodness for this elastic waistband!
I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a cocktail and a good movie.
Tell me about it. The Notebook gets me every time!
RING RING! Who could that be at this hour? Oh, it’s just my girl Janet, bringing the drama, as usual.
My, but you’ve had a full night! How are those PajamaJeans holding up?
Well, that settles it. PajamaJeans definitely deliver what they promise — style meets comfort in a package you can’t resist. I’m still disappointed that I wasn’t able to wear them myself, but I guess you just need the right body type to really make that spandex denim sing!
[Disclaimer: I can no longer have sex with my husband or look him in the eye.]