Gwyneth Paltrow’s Racy Vanity Fair Photo At Age 40 Almost Makes You Forget About GOOP

07/01/2011 2:00 pm by

I said ALMOST. Because, I mean, SRSLY.

gwenyth paltrow vanity fair topless 2011 Gwyneth Paltrows Racy Vanity Fair Photo At Age 40 Almost Makes You Forget About GOOP

One thing I’ll say: at a few months shy of 40 years old, she’s got a better body than most 20 year olds. And she’s not even photoshopped all to hell or anything. ADVANTAGE: PALTROW.

Paltrow got all semi-nekkid to appear as as Miss August in a special Vanity Fair Jewellery calendar supplement in this month’s issue (out and on a newstand near you today! Quick, to the Youmobile!).

This body is, apparently, what you get for following an arduous regimen of eating a lot of ridiculously unappetizing food and working out like a mutha:

After a 7am cup of green tea, breakfast is either a “Think Thin” protein bar or a “Clean Shake” comprising almond milk, powder supplements and “a handful of blueberries (optional)”.

Then it is a 90-minute workout followed by a glass of kale juice – “a sort-of grassy lemonade” – and on to a lunch of “super low carb, low calorie tortilla wraps”

An afternoon snack of almonds or organic fermented tea is followed by Anderson’s “super-low calorie” turkey kale soup for dinner.

So, umm, yeah. Guess who won’t be doing THAT diet plan anytime soon? THIS GUY.

What do you think of the photo though? HOT OR NOT (as they say)?

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About Tracey Gaughran-Perez

Tracey is a PhD dropout, geek, and mom. Follow her on Twitter, Google+, and Tumblr.

Filed Under: Fashion, Gwyneth Paltrow, Naked Celebrities, Photoshopped, Print, Shopping Tagged With: , , ,


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  • Danielle

    I’ll stick with my diet of ham and cheese sandwiches and love handles, thanks.

    • Peter

      This response is made out of win.

  • http://velveteenmind.com Megan {Velveteen Mind}

    I’ll go to my grave insisting that tea does not count as a snack.

  • http://www.agirlandaboy.com/journal agirlandaboy

    Decidedly hot, but hi, um, tea is not a snack.

  • http://www.downscaling.net Nona

    The photo’s hot. Not hot enough to make me want to follow that torture regime, however. No body is that hot.

  • http://thebhj.com Black Hockey Jesus

    Boner.

  • Suzy Q

    Well, I think she probably is all photoshopped, but still. She looks great. Gotta give her that.

    Of course, when she’s not working out, she’s probably throwing up from all the fucking kale she eats. Blech.

  • http://lemmonex.com Lexa

    Sadly, all my fishnet tights need control top. She wins…I guess.

  • http://pgoodness.com pgoodness

    She looks good….but I bet she could really go for a nice greasy cheeseburger and fries.

  • http://jiveturkeyjives.com/ jive turkey

    Totally hot. Totally not worth that hellacious diet. I daresay she would still look hot if she ate some damn nachos every once in a while.

    Actually, that would make her hotter. Because then I know she’d totes go for a burger with me after we banged all afternoon. Hott.

  • *Stevie*

    She has no breasts. Her front looks good, as far as her stomach not being flat as a board with unreal abs, but it looks like the lack of protein in her diet is making it so that she can’t build muscle. I like not seeing bone, but she’s still FAR from the ideal woman in my opinion.

  • Britt

    If I had her regimen, my toned and perfectly nutritious flesh would be still be stretched over my solid 5′ 3″ skeleton. Me=not Paltrow no matter what.

    But is she sexy/a siren/sultry/whatever? Yep.

  • Rene Foran

    Amazingly enough she’s also on the cover of Bon Appetit magazine this month!
    http://www.bonappetit.com/magazine/2011/06/gwyneth-paltrow

  • http://www.theresyourkarma.com Jenny

    Oh, see, I think Photoshop must have played a role in this one. But yeah, probably a bit part. Like, photoshop is Clint Howard in the film that is this photograph.

    That said, I want you to picture me saying this in between bites of my Jimmy John’s, cuz that’s totally what’s going on right now. GOOOOOP!

  • http://www.worldsworstmoms.com WorldsWorstMoms

    I guess all actors just have to deal with this aspect of the job, but I wonder how she explains this sort of thing to her kids. I mean, it’s not like you HAVE to do a VF shoot with no top on. It’s 2011 — a girl has other options.:)

    • KimAZ

      What would she have to explain?

      • http://www.worldsworstmoms.com worldsworstmoms

        Well, I’m all for encouraging people (kids) to be comfortable with their bodies, and, granted, they live in Europe where social norms are slightly different on the nudity thing, but when you’re trying to teach your daughter — especially — to have respect for herself and then you end up in a photo that millions of people see where you’re essentially wearing clothes that you wouldn’t step outside in, then I would think it’s kind of confusing to a kid. At least I’m assuming Gwyneth doesn’t routinely step out to grab the paper without a shirt (actually, I’m sure she never grabs the paper — different subject). And honestly, I may not have had this reaction about everyone, but she sort of has a holier than thou attitude when it comes to her parenting. If it’d been someone else, I’d probably give them more of a pass.

    • http://www.freakyperfect.com Amy B.

      “Dear Kids: Mommy is hot and healthy and takes good care of herself and is proud of her body and top-notch magazines pay me lots of money to have famous photographers take gorgeous pictures of me in pretty settings.”

      Yeah, it would totally KILL me to have *that* terrible conversation with my kids.

      • http://bitchinwivesclub.blogspot.com Bitchin’ Amy

        Ditto! I’d take that talk over the sex talk any day of the week.

      • tadpoledrain

        Eating /maybe/ 1000 calories in one day in addition to a 90-minute workout Does Not Equal “healthy and takes good care of herself.” I’m pretty sure it equals eating disorder, though.

        • BuffytheBitch

          I agree. I actually see no problem with being proud of your body, excising, and posing like this in a magazine. I DO however see a problem with the message her eating habits are sending her kids. I’m no dietician, but this seems a tad extreme.

  • KimAZ

    Hot: yes.
    See also: starving.

    • http://www.amalah.com Amalah

      I had an eating disorder for years. My diet was definitely less fancy sounding, but the calorie count was definitely pretty close. And if I’d attempted a daily 90-minute workout I would have passed the fuck out.

      But hey! I was skinny! So yaaaaay!

      /headdesk

  • http://thefairlyoddmother.com Fairly Odd Mother

    Yeah, her diet is two steps away from an eating disorder IMHO. Maybe one step.

    But, she looks hot, so I guess it works. . .

    • rebecca

      I have to agree with you on that…there is no way she is reaching a doctor-recommended calorie count.

    • http://southcityconfidential.com KBO

      Agreed. That’s totes disordered eating. When does she eat all her foodie food? Why does this woman get to eat her way through Spain with Mario Batali. Injustice.

      And kale juice is not “grassy lemonade”. Just sayin’.

      • diamondcait

        Maybe it was edited for palatbility from “gas-inducing swill” to grassy lemonade. It’s easy to confuse the two terms.

    • Karen

      Actually, she probably already fits the critera for a disorder called ‘orthorexia”–literally, “correct eating.” When you limit yourself to a particular set of foods, and eliminate a lot of food groups, and are obsessed with healthy eating….bingo, disorder is on the way.

  • http://bitchinwivesclub.blogspot.com Bitchin’ Amy

    I like bacon more than skinny jeans, so I’m afraid this just wouldn’t work for me.

  • http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com Kristen

    Didn’t she say on Oprah that she loves good and doesn’t deprive herself? Which party of this diet is the splurge? Blech.

    But she does look hot. Except I think wearing fishnets with no undies for an evening sounds like a recipe for a yeast infection. Mmmn . . . who wants some kale soup now?

  • Mona

    She does look hot. Also, this diet goes a long way toward explaining why she’s so mean.

    • http://thefairlyoddmother.com Fairly Odd Mother

      LOL! Awesome.

    • Holly

      Hahaha! Totally snorted coffee. Thanks for the Sat AM laugh.

  • http://jonniker.com jonniker

    OMFG, I love her body and I think she’s hot and I hate her, but I also think SHE CANNOT FREAKIN’ HELP being hateable, so what my loathing for her turns into is some kind of weird love.

    But sorry, Gwyneth. Tea is not a snack.

    • http://www.sweetney.com Sweetney

      This comment is LOLtastic :)

  • http://lilmuna.blogspot.com KAREN

    I’m sorry guys, a twiglet body is not sexy. Curves are sexy, having boobs are sexy. She needs to eat a damned cheeseburger for goodness sakes before a gust of wind comes and blows her skinny butt away.

  • Joe Mahma

    SO hot.

  • http://www.cybermondaymoviedeals.com/ Dan K.

    OMG SoooHot i love her.

  • http://hodgepodgeandstrawberries.wordpress.com Hannah

    If that diet is what I’ll need to do to get the body of a twelve year old boy… count me out. I like my curves, thanks.

  • http://www.sweetney.com Sweetney

    Can I just ask: WHAT is with Kale? Is it The New Super Food or something??

  • Washington “Pink Lemondade” Cube

    Yes, especially Kale chips that you bake in the oven like potato chips. It’s turning up a lot in juicing drinks, as well. Sounds more la dee dah than collards and pot likker doesn’t it?

    P.S. Understanding the nature of fishnets, all I could think about was that distinctive waffle pattern on her legs and coochie bits. NOT sexy. Well….maybe to “someone.” God knows there a fetish for everyone out there.

  • http://www.twitter.com/Sekhmetnakt Sekhmetnakt

    Boner inspireing she may be (not the right equipment here so IDK) but I would never sub to that diet even for that.

  • Michelle

    If she and Mario Batali are cooking and eating food together, someone is cheating. Just sayin’.

  • http://cheken.wordpress.com Cheken

    She said hi to me in a hotel bathroom once and I didn’t realize it was her, she was sweet to me. I want to hate her, but I can’t.

    Her diet, though. Pass.