Hello. I’m Aidan Morgan. Some of you know me as The Palinode. Usually I write to entertain you, but today I’d like to draw your attention to something very serious. Something that’s happening right now. And you have the power to do something about it.
George Lucas is hungry.
George grew up in California and gained some renown as a filmmaker back in the 1970s. But now he wanders the grounds of Skywalker Ranch, living like an animal, foraging for nuts and berries where he can find them. The caretakers, no longer able to recognize their filth-covered employer, shoo him away from the house when he comes sniffing around the property. Perhaps he is drawn by a long-lost memory of a comfortable bed and a Barcalounger. But more likely he’s just drawn by the smell of food wafting from the kitchen.
Yeah, we thought it was Bigfoot too.
Friends, won’t you help an independent filmmaker who’s fallen on hard times? For only a ridiculous amount of money, you can purchase the Blu-ray box set of all six Star Wars films. Once again, get suckered in to buying yet another version of the same films you’ve been watching for the last 35 years. Including the shit ones from the ’90s.
For only the cost of your overpriced heating bill, you can own this set, with 40 hours of extras. Want to see Samuel Jackson in a bathrobe pretending to use the Force on a garbage bag? Then this is the box set for you.
Remember: all proceeds go to feeding a hungry George Lucas. Won’t you please help?
Just look at this heartbreaking trailer. Note that the only dramatic footage used is from a film he produced in 1981. Maybe, if George could sit down to a full meal, he could make another -
Wait. Never mind. But if you must do it, Star Wars: The Complete Saga will come out on Blu-ray on September 16, 2011. Picture George Lucas taking food right out of your fridge and shoving it in his face, all the while laughing and laughing at you.
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