I’ll own it. I’m watching Bachelor Pad. On purpose.
And according to twitter, I’m not alone. In fact, there is a veritable army of people who I consider to be brainy who are also tuning in every Monday night to hear Kasey tell Vienna how much he wants to guard and protect her heart. But why? Why are otherwise reasonable, rational, intelligent people watching this train-wreck of a show?
The first week, we were subjected to three hours of the Bachelor Pad. THREE HOURS. That’s longer than the extended edition of the Justin Beiber movie! (Don’t ask how I know that). And did we all say, you know what? This is just entirely too long for a reality show? NO. We sat there and ate it up. All three long, time-sucking hours of these idiots, showing us their favorite leisure things to do in their bathing suits. (Who can forget Erica Rose dancing with her weights in a bikini? That’s something I can never unsee).
The following week, we were treated to a degrading game in which the women stood around in white bikinis while the men threw eggs full of paint at them. But did I decide that watching a girl being pelted with paint for being least attractive was reason enough to turn off the television? Nope! I just kept on watchin’.
And this week. This week, Brett Michaels showed up to sing “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.” Which pretty much gave me every reason to come to my senses and switch over to CNN. Did I? Hellz no. In fact, I was fairly giddy all day knowing that an evening of Bachelor Pad shenanigans awaited me.
What is it about this show that sucks us in, despite knowing full well that it represents all that is wrong with the world? Here are some possible explanations for why you might be tuning in:
1. Escapism. Bachelor Pad is the perfect way to turn your brain off. What better way to allow your mind a couple hours to atrophy after a long day of changing diapers and sweeping up Cheerios?
2. It’s a way to feel better about yourself and your life. Let’s face it: despite how they look, these contestants are a hot mess. Every time I watch, I come away feeling a little more emotionally mature than I did two hours prior.
3. Hot bodies. Bachelor Pad has them.
4. The dramaz! No better way to get the adrenaline going than watching a bunch of drunk girls in cocktail dresses yell at each other while hot guys prop them up.
5. For research. Maybe you are a psychologist hoping to learn something about the human condition. Maybe you are a speech pathologist trying to diagnose Kasey’s unique speech impediment. Maybe you write for a pop culture site and pretend to your husband that this is the only reason you are tuning in (holla!). There are all sorts of ways you could spin the research angle.
6. The fairy-tale romance. I suppose there are some people watching Bachelor Pad with an optimistic glimmer of hope that some of these people will find true love. That’s really, really sweet. Also? We could never be friends.
7. The over-the-top dates. Let’s face it, your date night this week probably won’t involve a helicopter and a sunset meal overlooking a vineyard. The closest you’re gonna get is living vicariously through these morons.
8. You want Chris Harrison to be your dad. (What, just me?)
9. Opportunities for righteous indignation. This show provides so many opportunities to feel morally superior via outrage. For example, last week Erica cried about being called less attractive than Ella, saying “”It’s hurtful if people are targeting me especially when there’s someone like Ella who’s definitely way bigger than I am.” Awesome. Glad Erica is really becoming a better person through this experience. Now let’s have a look at the hideous bigger girl:
OH NO SHE DID NOT just call this girl fat!! (See? WIth the righteous indignation? How that works?) Pul-leez. I would give ANYTHING to have a rocking body like that. Well, except for eating right and exercising.
(and finally):
10. The train wreck phenomenon. You know it’s a mess. You know it’s unhealthy and awful and just shy of those Maury shows where we learn who the baby-daddy is. You know this puts you on-par with people who count Hot Tub Time Machine as one of their favorite comedy classics. But you just can’t look away.
So, fess up. Are you watching Bachelor Pad 2? What excuses do you have for yourself?
About Kristen
