This is a recap(ish) because I had the busiest Sunday yesterday. The kind where God looked down and said, “Girl, this is why I said, ‘Oh, hell naw,’ and took a nap way back in the day.” I ran a 5k, my son had a soccer game, and my husband had a birthday. At the end of all of that, the second season of Boardwalk Empire premiered. I was not in good shape as far as being awake goes when it came on, and I only lasted about 20 minutes before passing out completely. In between nods, I caught glimpses of the premiere and honestly couldn’t tell how much of it was actually playing out on my screen and how much of it I was going to discuss with my therapist at my next appointment because OH MY GOD WHAT TWISTED SHIT IS THIS IN MY BRAIN?
Anyway, during the last season montage, I was unfortunately reminded that Van Alden had teh secks with Lucy and “made her pregnant.” Such terminology is lifted straight from Our Bodies, Ourselves, doncha know. Van Aldy took the missus to work and came upon a scene of two of his underlings rolling around the floor and grunting, which even he finds weird. No biggie! Just wrestling in the post office…like ya do. One of them hands her a What Would Jesus Do in Atlantic City? tourism guide and apparently Jesus would visit many, many hookers. I mean, is this really a surprise? Wasn’t Mary Magdalene all ride-or-die-bitch with him? And apparently Van Alden and Lucy are playing a really uncomfortable version of House in town and baaaarrrrfff. Sorry. Just thought about them humping again.
Margaret is pissed because Nucky is still out all night “working.” She can’t understand why he doesn’t want to spend more time at home with her, screaming at Teddy to go to school and force feeding the kids oatmeal instead of drinking and having boobies wiggled in his face. It’s hard out here for a Treasurer, Margaret. Teddy has been taking beatings from the nun at school and Nucky’s like, “Hey! My dad used to beat me extra when the nuns did it first!” and Margaret’s like, “You’re not helping.” I sincerely hoped that this would prompt Nucky to put a hit out on the nun. Turns out Teddy is now Sugar Daddy’s Little Pyromaniac.
At Chalky’s bootlegging operation, it’s just another day at the office: the Klan show up and massacre just about everyone. I was not awake to see how this was resolved but apparently, of course, the black guy got arrested for, you know, being black and therefore causing the Klan to come and murder everybody. I really don’t understand the mental state of people who look in the eyes of Chalky, who has, “Do Not Fuck With Me” written all over his face and do just that. There are less stupid ways to commit suicide, folks.
While Commodore Lewis is, uh, training for the javelin event in the Senior Olympics (seriously, someone else please tell me they saw him doing shadow-spearing stuff), Gillian is starring in her own Very Special Episode of Old Timey Teen Mom with Jimmy, Angela, and Tommy at their new home(?). After Jimmy gives his wife and his mother disturbingly similar kisses, he and Gillian totally bowl over Angela’s wishes that Tommy not go murder a bunch of seagulls. I can’t really say that I disagree with her because unless they’re going to eat those seagulls for dinner (ew) isn’t that kind of psychotic and messed up? Like, maybe Angela doesn’t necessarily want Tommy to become a killer, no disrespect to Jimmy and his line of work. Angela’s like, “Could you not undercut me?” and Gillian’s like, “I use to kiss Jimmy’s winky when he was a baby!” Angela has no snappy comeback for that because HOLY SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER.
In Chicago, Torrio meets George Remus, who speaks exclusively in the third person. There’s something about a bootlegging deal in Cincinnati, but all I can think about is that guy Jimmy from that episode of Seinfeld. “Jimmy likes Elaine. Jimmy wants to take Elaine on a date. Jimmy’s upset now.”
I’m peeking at the synopsis on the HBO site and see that Nucky does some corrupt stuff (for a change) and gets arrested due to some betrayal (shocking). I don’t want to read the details too closely so I can watch it again tonight and I promise that I’ll be back with a full recap next week.
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