Poor Brad Pitt. Can’t say one thing about his marriage to Jennifer Aniston without having the world tear into him about being an insensitive jerk. How DARE you actually answer questions that were likely carefully planned by a journalist to portray you as being the bastard cheating asshole who broke up what was supposed to be the greatest Hollywood union of all time! You should KNOW to keep your big whorey mouth SHUT when asked about your ex-wife. Anything you say can and most definitely will be used to paint you as a cold-hearted fucker in a court of celebrity voyeurism.
Mr. Pitt was recently interviewed for Parade magazine and was asked about his former marriage to Aniston. He said, ”It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn’t living an interesting life myself. I think that my marriage had something to do with it, trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn’t.”
OH NO HE DI’IN’T.
The world hates you because you’re so beautiful. Stop it.
This is you trying to be less beautiful? You tape a rat to your chin? Now you’re just rubbing it in our faces. Asshole.
The masses have responded to his interview in Parade with rage-filled diatribes and spitfire. Reactions have ranged from ‘he is a disgusting man,’ to ‘what a moron,’ and ‘he just lost tons of respect points in my book.’ (Oh noes! Not the Respect Points! Anything but the Respect Points!) Apparently, when asked, a divorcé is not supposed to answer with honesty. Not even dulled-down, ultra-vague honesty. A big star like Brad should know that questions regarding his relationship with Jennifer A., no matter how ancient history, should be answered with complete and utter ignorance.
“Tell us about why your marriage ended.”
“To Jennifer Aniston.”
“Jen. Your ex-wife.”
“What’s an ex-wife?”
Call me a heartless bitch, but what Brad said doesn’t really sound all that bad to me. I mean, the marriage ended, right? He didn’t call her a whore or anything, just said his marriage wasn’t what he had hoped it would be. Isn’t that basically what happens with most divorces? Is it because he said it was boring? It was probably boring because he wasn’t happy and so, because he wasn’t happy, he got a divorce. I am failing to find the part about this that makes him the devil. I think the real problem lies in people, regular people like you or me, who have invested WAY TOO MUCH of themselves into the lives of celebrities. If the celebrities have OBVIOUSLY AND CLEARLY moved on from their dissolved relationship, WE MUST ALSO MOVE ON. I know you wanted them to stay together forever and ever, amen, but sometimes, as in real life, that doesn’t happen. Move. On.
With all this time freed up from no longer thinking divorced people care about what their exes do, you’ll now have time for hobbies! Like disco dancing!
Let me do some math and then I will show it to you.
Relationship with Jennifer Aniston – July 2000 to January 2005 = approximately 4 1/2 years
Relationship with Angelina Jolie – November 2005 to present = nearly 6 years
Number of children with Jennifer Aniston – 0
Number of children with Angelina Jolie – ALL OF THE CHILDREN IN ALL OF THE LAND (or 6, if you want to get specific)
Number of relationships Jennifer has had since Brad Pitt – at least 7, with many other rumored hookups
Number of relationships Brad has had since Jennifer Aniston – 1
Yeah, you’re right. She looks miserable.
This math means nothing except to illustrate that I can not seem to find where it says that Jennifer has been pining for Brad after more than six years since their breakup. Barely a week goes by without a tabloid claiming that she’s still in mourning of their relationship and that Angelina is a homewrecker and single-handedly ruined Jennifer’s life. I mean, I can see with my eyes that Brad is an alright looking fellow who seems to be clever and charming, but really? Angelina isn’t evil, Jennifer isn’t pathetic, and Brad is just some dude, some handsome, talented dude, who just happens to have gotten divorced. Can we not give these three a break by letting the past die? Jennifer seems happy with her new man, Justin Theroux, Brad and Angelina are parents of a whole brood of beautiful babies. The only people who can’t seem to let them move on are the ones producing, selling and buying the trashy magazines with their fictionalized and exploited lives splashed across their glossy covers.
Let’s just the anger go, shall we? Jennifer seems to have.