I’m pretty sure I have thought to myself at least once a week since I first saw Gwyneth Paltrow on Glee, “You know what would really suck? If Gwyneth was given another vehicle to showcase her mediocre singing voice and awkward dancing.” Well, goddammit if Ryan Murphy isn’t determined to make my life miserable in every possible medium—first television and music and now movies. I suppose I should just prepare myself for a bestselling book that starts out promising and original but then, somewhere around chapter two, Lea Michele pops out invites you in syrupy tones to come see the world in a Chevrolet, and then she grates your face off with a lemon zester.
That said, thankfully we have a while to gird our ears and eyes for such a train wreck. It’s just some shit Ryan Murphy apparently said at the Emmys:
“We want to do a musical together. An original—I want to write an original movie for Gwyneth and Maya Rudolph, both of whom I’m great friends with.”
Ryan Murphy, haven’t you hurt us enough already?