Perhaps you’ve heard that Ben & Jerry’s has come out with a new ice cream flavor in honor of the classic Alec Baldwin Saturday Night Live skit, Schweddy Balls. The flavor, described as “fair Trade vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum…loaded with fudge covered rum and milk chocolate malt balls,” is a limited-time batch and is available through the end of this year.
As someone who’s not particularly a fan of rum-flavored ANYTHING (call me when there’s some fucking tequila ice cream with chocolate covered worms, please), I could understand some of the initial criticisms of the so-called shock-marketing campaign. A spokesperson for Ben & Jerry’s, however, explained:
“‘I don’t think it’s shock marketing,’ said Sean Greenwood, a spokesman for the company, a unit of Netherlands-based Unilever N.V. ‘It isn’t ‘Let’s try to put a dirty name on a pint and sell it’ but ‘Let’s try to put a tie on a show that’s been running for 37 years.’”
As an SNL fan, I take this explanation at face value. The Schweddy Balls skit is a classic, and absolutely hilarious, hands down, no exceptions. If you haven’t seen the skit, it’s a mock NPR-style radio interview with baker Pete Schweddy, owner of holiday-themed cafe Season’s Eatings, on a segment called The Delicious Dish. AND IT’S GLORIOUS.
Now, I say this as a mother that has become SUPREMELY freakish-outish about anything profane around my children. Like, I avoid Spongebob at all costs. But Alec Baldwin, Ana Gasteyer, and Molly Shannon? COMEDY BRILLIANCE. Plus, my kids are 3 and 5 and already making jokes about their goddamn balls. And it’s not like we’re having weekly screenings of Mr. Schweddy (though, that’s actually a great idea…would make a nice Christmas tradition, no?)
::wipes away tears::
But someone always has to ruin the party, and this time One Million Moms is here to SAVE YOUR CHILDREN FROM SEXUAL INNUENDO AND BALLS. SWEATY ONES. They’ve recently called for a boycott of the frozen treat:
“Ben & Jerry’s announced their newest ice cream flavor which sounds anything but appealing. Schweddy Balls is the best they could come up with. The vulgar new flavor has turned something as innocent as ice cream into something repulsive. Not exactly what you want a child asking for at the supermarket.”
(Yeah, like I said, I’d rather have the tequila flavor. VODKA, EVEN, for chrissakes.)
Naturally, most people that are fans of both SNL and Ben & Jerry’s could give a total of ZERO FUCKS about what One Million Moms has to say. Because they go on to reveal a wider scope of their hatred by reminding us about Ben & Jerry’s homage to gay marriage with Hubby Hubby ice cream, saying, “It seems that offending customers has become an annual tradition for Ben & Jerry’s.”
Funny, ‘cuz I’m pretty sure I haven’t heard a SINGLE person mention being offended by AN ICE CREAM FLAVOR since this announcement was made. (And I live in Texas, y’all.)
One Million Moms, however, is worried about this trend, and fearful that, if Schweddy Balls proves too popular over the next few months, that it might become a permanent fixture in your local frozen foods section:
“The ice cream is being released in a limited batch, which means it will be distributed nationwide but only for three or four months. If it proves popular, another batch might be forthcoming, but we hope not.”
So they want you to TAKE ACTION BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE. (Quite literally, I’m afraid.)
“Please send Ben & Jerry’s Public Relations Manager, Sean Greenwood, an email letter requesting that no additional Schweddy Balls ice cream be distributed. Also, highly recommend they refrain from producing another batch with this name or any other offensive names or you will no longer be able to purchase their products.”
But, like a spokesperson for Ben & Jerry’s said at the ice cream’s release, “The name is irreverent, but we’ve always been about having some irreverence and having some fun … We’re not trying to offend people. Our fans get the humor.”
I think the subtext of that final line is “and if you’re not a fan, you’re probably a member of One Million Moms and we don’t really give a shit.”
Because, really, it’s one thing to have a goal aiming to “stop the exploitation of our children, especially by the entertainment media,” but it’s quite another to do so with a campaign of hate and discrimination. Because I think we all want to protect our children from THAT, amirite? Seems just a TAD more damaging than, say, HUMOR.
But maybe I’m just a crazy heathen. With a sweet tooth.
About Kristine
