The 2011 American Music Awards aired last night and apparently it had something to do with music. But I kind of thought they were televising Heidi Klum’s Halloween Party. Repeat fashion offenders such as Katy Perry and Christina Aguilera left us all feeling a little bit frowny-faced, but these characters were downright visually offensive.
I’m thinking of writing my congressperson. And Tim Gunn.
Nicki Minaj
I realize that lil’ ol’ Nicki is an easy target, but there’s something disconcerting about her nipple valves. And the matching one on her butt. And the fact that she looks like she’s writhing in pain.
(Plus, I’m pretty sure Janet Jackson wore this nipple-valve pantsuit once. HOW EMBARRASSING.)
LMFAO & David Hasselhoff
I have…no words.
Just an overwhelming sense of sadness and despair.
Jennifer Lopez
This woman had more outfit changes than a newborn baby, and each seemed progressively more hideous. Starting off with some sort of Dominatrix Snow White ensemble, J Lo then moved on to a see-through unitard with unfortunately-placed HAIR, and finally just a sparkly number that accentuated her LADY BITS. Oh, and then that black lace-type thing. It all makes me feel very uncomfortable. And inexplicably itchy.
Heidi Klum
This one is frustrating because you know she wore it because she thought it would make her look PRETTY and not like a mall kiosk booth specializing in LASER! CUT! LEATHER!
Taylor Swift’s Mouth
Full disclosure: I’ve always found this woman/girl/whatever to be annoying. But at this point, I’m just genuinely concerned for her health. Clearly Taylor is suffering from some sort of medical condition, which I think might be called Perpetually-Open-And-Surprised-Mouth-Syndrome or OMFGJUSTCLOSEYOURMOUTHALREADY.
Let’s all pray they find a cure in time.
About Kristine Cook
