It’s the day after Christmas, and I know you have some gift cash burning a hole in your pocket. Why not give yourself the gift of making yourself look like a giant tool with Guy Fieri jewelry?!
Well, that’s even worse than I expected.
The spiky-headed Food Network star has designed a new line of bling for Room 101, a company that specializes in silver jewelry for jackasses. You know… guys like Fieri.
Hey, this picture reminds me of Christmas. Not because of Santa in the background; because Fieri’s fingers look like Hickory Farms summer sausages.
Fieri had this to say about his new jewelry collection, which features bracelets, necklaces, cuff links and more: “This stuff is off-da-hook. It’s some killer bling.”
Never have I imagined that two simple sentences could fill me with this much desire to strangle a man with chunky bling.
Considering the disgusting amounts of gross food Fieri consumes on his Food Network shows, I think this would have been a more appropriate line of jewelry.
Comes in handy when you need to wipe rib grease off your nasty flip flops.
Or maybe Fieri should have considered a simple, elegant cameo:
His mouth is always open in case someone throws a meatball at his face.