We know you, dear MamaPop readers, have lives. Places to go, things to do, jobs to keep and what-not. Which is why we now offer you a look back on the week that was on MamaPop and MoxieBird, by way of our most popular posts of the past 7 days. Please to enjoy.
All I Want For Christmas Is For Women’s Magazines To Shut Up About Dieting
I was having a lively discussion the other day with some of my fellow bloggers about the scourge of annoying, self-flagellating, food-denying women who seem to populate every office in America. You know who I’m talking about: she wanders over to the cookie tray in the conference room, repeating “Oh, this is the LAST thing I need!”, breaks a tiny cookie in half (leaving the unappealing other half COVERED IN HER FINGER GERMS and destined to be thrown away), then eats her miserable fraction while bemoaning the guilt, THE GUILT, OMFG THE GUILT she cannot shake over ingesting something that is supposed to make you HAPPY, lady, JEEZ, then repeats the same infuriating ritual at all other times when food is present.
Which–depending on your office–might be quite often. Meaning that you’ll be facing a regular urge to shove chocolate macadamia cookies into all of her face holes until the noise stops.
Bottom line is: EAT THE COOKIE OR DON’T AND SHUT UP ABOUT IT. You’re kind of ruining free cookies for everyone else.
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Everything Is Now Being Grittily Rebooted
Sony Pictures’ announcement last week that it would be remaking Starship Troopers, hailed/cursed by critics as a subversive masterpiece of satire/a vacuous piece of crap that thankfully killed Casper Van Dien’s career before it began, came as a surprise to many. All things considered, the movie’s not that old – it was released in 1997 — and why remake it if it was great/terrible to begin with? Indications are that the remake will adhere more closely to Robert Heinlein’s original 1959 book, a Cold War parable that touched on the sometimes brutal necessity of a militarized society. GRITTY. On the heels of that announcement, every other major studio in Hollywood announced that they would be making a gritty reboot of every other film ever made. Here are some of the [completely made up] new/old projects being developed/redeveloped…
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Carnage At Christmas: Top 10 Holiday Horror Movies
Any horror movie fan can tell you: Fox News has it all wrong. The War on Christmas wasn’t started by liberals in the late 90s. It was started by Billy Chapman, Kate Beringer’s Dad, and some Canadians in the 70s. Blame the advent (!) of the Christmas horror flick.
I'd also like to blame these guys...I just don't know for what.
You see in the 1970s, kids, people were tired of waiting in line for gas. They blamed Jimmy Carter and Santa Claus. There was only so much money to be made making movies about little kids who turned to a life of crime after seeing Mama bang Jimmy Carter and so the Christmas Horror Movie was born. Here are the Top 10 “best” of the worst genre ever.
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’24: The Movie’ to Start Filming Next Year. Kneecaps of Terrorists Pre-Shoot Themselves.
Bleep. Bloop. Bleep. Bloop.
Finally, a TV-to-screen project I can get behind! 24, the action/thriller TV show which aired on Fox from 2001 to 2010, will be getting the big screen treatment when filming starts next year. Kiefer Sutherland will be reprising his role of the series’ main character, Jack Bauer. If you’re a fan of the show, the character’s name is actually pronounced “Jack Mother$&*#ing Bauer”.
Jack Bauer, pictured here, with Hipster action satchel.
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Teacher Tells Kids Santa Claus Doesn’t Exist, Kisses That XBox Goodbye
A teacher in Nanuet, New York made headlines this week when she told her second grade class that Santa Claus wasn’t real, prompting a nasty backlash from parents.
58-year-old Latrice Ann Eng was teaching her kids a geography lesson about the North Pole and when her 7-year-old charges told her it was the Big Guy’s address, she explained that it would be his address…if he were real and stuff. Eng has spent the week calling parents to apologize (not to mention throwing out all the socks and coal in her house since she’s about to have a windfall of both).
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