Parents: Do you ever sit back and survey your home, look at your children fighting over a toy, observe the messes of books and unfinished puzzles and dollies that pop up everywhere and think to yourself, “What would Octomom do?”
Nadya Suleman has found herself a gig! Starting later this month, USTREAM will film Octomom inside her own home once a week, where she will answer questions about ”Parenting, fitness, diet, nutrition, shopping on a budget and all those crazy rumors.”
As far as “crazy rumors” go, I guess there was that article last year that claimed she “hates” her children and “locks herself in the bathroom and cries,” which she vehememently denied later. Preposterous! How could anyone ever imagine that the mother of fourteen children including eight infants would EVER have a reason to cry all alone–gloriously alone–sequestered in the quiet sanctuary of an empty bathroom? Anyone who would have the nerve to insinuate such a thing should be ashamed of themselves. Obviously I’ve never done that, either.
Or maybe she’ll tell us about those weird, fetishy photos that surfaced of her dressed in a vinyl corset, whipping a diaper-wearing “radio personality” named “Tattoo” earlier this year. On second thought? Let’s ignore this one. Forget I said anything. Also, mail me eye bleach, because there are photos of this floating around the Internet.
I genuinely wish Nadya Suleman the best. Personally, the fact that she lives in a house with 4,000 children–all of whom she is expected to feed, bathe, read to, play with, look at, and communicate with–and still manages to do things like smile and put on pants astounds me. If I were in her place, my USTREAM internet show would just be half an hour of me, holding myself in the fetal position at the bottom of a big pile of squirming children and weeping softly. And I guess nobody’s going to want to pay to see that.