Google Tells Us the Top 10 Things We Googled in 2011

Google, the Internet search titan/fun word to say, just released the Google Zeitgeist of 2011. Initially, I assumed “Zeitgeist” was some sort of death ray that Google was planning on using to finally enslave the rest of humanity. We’ll all be forced to work in their data mines, toiling away until we all die and our bodies are used to fuel the fires of the Internet Heart, a powerful reactor that Google has placed in the center of the Earth.

Some may classify my theory as a slight overreaction.

After much encouragement from my wife, due to her desire to leave the panic room I quickly ushered us into, I looked up the word “zeitgeist” and found out that it actually means “the spirit of the age.” So Google and its army of electronic brains compiled all of the searching that took place around the globe in 2011 and composed the list of the top ten things that we, as a species, were most interested in finding out about this year. This list is as close as we can get to a representation of the things that humans were most obsessed with in 2011—and if one of the top 10 turns out to be “Lynda Carter, running” then I have been spending far too much time on my computer.

I actually wear this outfit when I participate in 5Ks…

So let’s take a look at the top 10 things we Googled in 2011 and discuss.

#1: Rebecca Black

Seriously, humanity?! Well, it appears that the thing we all loved to do the most in 2011 was laugh snarkily at a 13-year-old’s regrettable foray into manufactured pop music. Here’s the video, for all of the newly awoken coma patients who read MoxieBird:

It teaches me the days of the week and it makes me want to claw my eyes out!

Black’s Friday turned out to be the main cultural phenomenon of 2011 that nobody saw coming. The song and video, churned out by ARK Music Factory (the In & Out Burger of music studios), made us all slap our heads in unison as we gawked at a song so inexplicably weird, we couldn’t help but become obsessed with it. That and it has the nasty side effect of being stuck in your head for days. Anyway, I’m sorry for subjecting everyone to Friday one more time in 2011. Here’s a palette cleanser:

It’s ok to be sad on any day of the week.

#2: Google +

Google +, aka the one app that loves to crash my phone the most, was heralded as the first real challenger to Facebook’s reign as the Supreme Overlord of social networks, especially after Myspace took its own life in a horrifying paint huffing accident. I actually am on Google +, having received an invite not long after its creation, and I think it’s a really interesting resource. It’s a combination of social networking and internet searching that you can tailor so that at any moment you can get the news and info that you wish to have in front of your eyeballs. Let’s look at my Google + profile now:

Oh…

Turns out trying to juggle more than one social network is near impossible, especially when one of them can tend to be a little complicated. I’m not counting Google + out though—yet…

#3: Ryan Dunn

Well, there were a tremendous amount of celebrity deaths in 2011, but the one that seemed to grab the internet the most was the untimely passing of Jackass star Ryan Dunn. Best known for getting abdominal x-rays after inserting a Matchbox car in a…compromising… orifice, Dunn was killed in a horrific car accident in June along with another friend after a night of drinking. There’s nothing funny for me to say here. It’s always a tragedy when someone is taken well before their time, but, to echo a sentiment that Roger Ebert caught grief for this year, this is what happens when you mix drinking and driving.

#4: Casey Anthony

Great! Another comedy gold mine.

Why couldn’t people have been searching for more funny cat videos?! WHY?!

This year’s “trial of the century”, the court proceedings and eventual freedom of Casey Anthony had most of the world holding its breath in a way that we hadn’t seen since the OJ Simpson trial.

At least that trial had Kato Kaelin! Kato Kaelin you could make fun of!

Once again, there’s nothing funny about the mysterious death of little Caylee Anthony and the drama that followed. Everyone has their own opinion about the trial and the verdict and it’s clear that the world took to the Internet to learn as much as they could—along with sharing their opinion with everyone else.

#5: Battlefield 3

Finally some crashy-splodey!

I prefer my gratuitous violence to be of the digital variety, thank you very much.

Video games are the new titan of the entertainment industry. Battlefield 3 sold 5 million copies in its first week. Assuming that each disc was $60 a pop, that’s $300,000,000. Hollywood WISHES it could make that much money on every film they make. I’m more of a Call of Duty guy, but for Battlefield 3 to be the fifth most searched-for thing in the world, it’s becoming clear that more and more people want their entertainment to be of the interactive variety.

#6: iPhone 5

Quick test: What does the below picture have in common with the iPhone 5?

I’m going to get this painted on the side of my van.

Give up? It’s just as real as the iPhone 5 in 2011. Every year, Apple fans salivate at the possibility of a new iPhone and this year was no exception. However, the announcement everyone was hoping for—that there would be an iPhone 5 to wait in line for in 2011—never came. Instead, people had to be happy with the iPhone 4S: a slightly better iPhone with a built in lady-voice who will read your text messages to you…but not in a good way with the proper inflection…I’ve tried…

#7: Adele

Her full name is Adele Laurie Blue Adkins. YOU’RE MY GIRL, BLUE!!!

Adele and her album 21 were the darlings of the music industry in 2011. The British singer-songwriter is currently nominated for pretty much every single major music award and for good reason. Adele’s voice is a powerhouse of soul and emotion and she’s a breath of fresh air. Even though she’s had to take a break since October for vocal chord surgery, it’s clear that the 2011 music crown goes to her.

There’s…there’s something in my eye…{sniff}…don’t look at me.

#8: Fukushima I Nuclear Plant

In March, a CATASTROPHIC earthquake and tsunami ravaged the country of Japan. While the destruction and death toll were heart breaking, the world collectively held its breath as we all watched the Fukushima I nuclear reactor that was teetering on the brink of a complete meltdown. While the earthquake was an undeniable tragedy, things would have been incalculably worse had that nuclear reactor gone completely south. Japan already has one Godzilla, they don’t need any more.

Friday! Friday! Godzilla get down on Friday!

#9: Steve Jobs

Beard pinch.

There’s little I can say about Steve Jobs that hasn’t already been said. He’s been called the “Edison of Our Time” and for good reason. The innovations and technology that he helped create have done nothing short of change the world. Even if your not a member of the Church of Apple, his contributions cannot be denied. Everyone in the world now has a smartphone in their pocket and it’s thanks to the man in the turtleneck.

#10: iPad 2

Man, you Apple kids sure like to Google the stuff you’re going to buy anyway.

I still giggle like a fourth grader every time I say “Mac’s iPad” out loud…

Every year has its “must have” gadget and 2011′s was the iPad 2. Light, faster, and better tasting than the first iPad, this version pretty much sold out immediately when it was released this year. The iPad, along with the entire revolution of tablet computing, is taking us one step closer to living in the Star Trek themed world I convinced myself I would live in one day.

So what say you, gentle ladies and not ladies of Internetland? Did you Google all of these things this year? Surprised about something that didn’t make the list? Enraged about the ones that did? Mad that Kim Jong Il’s death didn’t have enough time to get the page views needed to get on this list? Use the comment box below and express your thoughts as you see fit.

Let’s all pour one out for poor Kim Jong Il…